the realisation.

i know i've never been perfect and probably will never be...

but today i just realised... how far from perfect i am.

hiatus.
taking a break from the world.

if there ever is an award...

... for the fastest and most random blogger ever...

i will give it to MISS POTATOMUSMAXIMUS BOOBIES GIGI WONG.

yoou know i love yooouuuuuuuuu.

in a male dominated world.

finally the start of my long awaited leave.

and last night i celebrated it by meeting up with 3 of my close guy friends.. and waiting for them for almost one hour. So i made good use of the time to drink a full bottle of wine, and by the time the first of the three musketeers appeared, i was on to my second bottle.

i grew up with more close guy friends than girl ones, so the slightly more than just a handful very close girlfriends i have, are really those who i have stuck with through the years. And my guy friends... though they do nothing but mock fun at me because i am the minority (in some cases, the only one), i know i can always count on them when i need them.

and so the four of us, the Plasticman, the Auditor, the Principal and the Shingapok girl... sat inside wine network for the aircon, and as two of them informed (and/or reminded) us about their upcoming nuptials, the Principal and I started thinking if we should start a fund soon for marriage; not ours, mind you, but other people's wedding dinners.

even though we hardly meet and apart from the very occasional sms once in a blue blue moon, it's the fact that we could just sit down and talk like old times that makes me miss so much of secondary school life. the growing up part with all of you is one thing i wouldn't mind going through again. (though i know i'll still fall asleep during bio and maths.)

thank you for these 12 (or 13) years, and counting, of friendship.

and of course, not forgetting the Shingapok Boy, the Panda Policeman, the Pharmacist, the Pilot, the Monk, the ... (weng what should i call u!!), and of course... Miss ROLEK-GPS-INSURANCE-BLUR QUEEN. i love u all anyhowwwwwww. *muackZ*

new york new york

i thought i'd get over it, but every trip to new york is just a harsh reminder of what happened last year. i can't ever imagine how time flew by so fast. it always feels like yesterday when i had to live with the fact that we are minus one in the family.

the only thing that made me upset is the fact that i had to grow up overnight and deal with all money matters in the family. financial contributions and handling family finances are just two different things. so many days i have to live with nothing in my bank account, changing all other foreign currencies to home cos i just have nothing to live on. only consolation i have is that my current job pays good enough to keep the family alive. i just need to save on certain things.

that aside, i live on fairly decently.

i went to donate blood the day before i left for this trip and though it wasn't anything scary anymore, i was pretty surprised when i felt alright after the donation. Until about 4 hours later, i removed the arm band and... i fainted briefly at the airport carpark when mr kwok was loading his bags into the car. his enactment: "i was talking and talking and then when i closed the boot you were nowhere to be seen."

ya laugh all you want.

anyway i am severely lacking good proper rest. after 2 over years in flight i've decided to heck following the local time when i'm overseas and sleep all i want.

so now at 11.30am in NEW YORK NEW YORK, I AM GOING TO SLEEP. and no one is going to stop me or say WHY ARENT U GOING SHOPPING! cos i just ain't. i want to save money.

so there.

bye bye and good night.

take-offs.. and landings.

Staying at the airport hotel was really a darned affair for most of us, the fact that the shopping area was 20 min drive away instead of just across the road was not the damper, but that this hotel we are in, has nothing in the vicinity; no convenience store or whatsoever.

yesterday i did the fastest shopping ever. just got what i needed to get, hung out at apple shop for a while, ran into crate & barrel to see if i could get anything (i didn't...) and sees' candies on union square. no shopping for myself. which was sad, but then again i haven't much to spend because of the change of flights. i wondered if i was slowly becoming a shopaholic, because i almost wanted to heck the allowance and just spend whatever i want. Thankfully i held back. otherwise i'd be really broke.

sometimes i wonder if people here are just lazy or purely inefficient. certain experiences on this trip made me feel that there really are dumb people around.

and because i thought i saw a petrol kiosk on the way to the hotel, this morning i decided to venture out for a run along the bay, and search for that petrol station. the bay area was pretty nice. and i sat down on the benches to look at the planes queueing up to take off.

so many thoughts thru my head. so many times i feel like i want to give up on everything. yet so many times i didn't.

i miss dad.

and i think i'll forever miss him, wondering if things could have been different if only...

sigh. growing up.. growing up... age takes away precious things from you, replacing things with memories which could be lost many years down the road. and so the equation only means.... growing up sucks, doesn't it?

and if i take off from here, will i land where i wish to be?