::another story::

An unexpected phone call came in the wee hours of the morning, and somehow that call made me really happy even though I was woken up. :)

*****

So I went on flight, and the Boss remembered me.

"Eh you look familiar. OH! You are the silly girl I flew with to Seoul!"

Why am I always the "silly" one?

*****



Attended Common.Voices' 2nd performance last evening, and I only managed to hit the second half with 4 songs to go. I guess CV's concert is the only valid reason for all of us (including people who always fly aeroplane) to meet up. I guess it's not easy to maintain any kind of relationships, friendship included, and to be friends for... say... almost 12 years since secondary school... it's really something, eh?



Then again, some of us, even when we've been missing from one another's lives, can still hit off like old pals. It's amazing how some of us have changed, and even more amazing how some people don't change at all! Honestly, I miss being in secondary school, the dozing off in Bio lessons, Chilli and I scribbling songs on MY TABLE, hiding textbooks in the most creative way possible, running up and down to borrow textbooks... the memories are still vivid in my mind.

Then we talk about friends getting married. Marriage seemed a faraway thing in the past, but now, everyone is getting hitched. Even those whom we never thought would settle down have already settled down.



So we are the primary school mates. I guess we only knew one another in Primary 3 or 4, so that made us.... friends for almost 15 years! Then Ivy wanted to take a picture of her "Shuqun-ers" but I refused to let her use my camera. ANYWAY there are only 4 of you. I can be such a bitch. Hur hur hur.



We adjourned to my place after supper, a last minute decision which forced us to head back to Holland Village to get some wine and cheese JUST BECAUSE the lady driver (Ivy, not me) said so. And the normal thing: fussing over Charcoal when we reached. Wine, Ivy's question about my books (honestly, there are some books which I haven't even flipped open) and my lousy attempts at taking photos with the timer function. WHAT! How would I know that after each shot I have to reset the function!

A long day, a long night, but nothing beats the long friendship we all have.

Love you guys. *SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH*

One thing you should know about me (part 1)

... is never ask me questions before bedtime. Mind boggling questions like "Do lemons grow on trees?" "Why is a spaceship called a ship?"

At least I found an answer to the first question.

And questions I can't find the answers to leave me sleepless for nights on end. And then I'll get irritated.

*ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRR!*

Zzzzz...

Was given 2 extra days off, and was back at the airport to submit my MC yesterday.

The lady at the counter was rather nice and sympathetic, and said, "Where was the nice guy who accompanied you yesterday? How come you're alone today? Must ask your boyfriend to accompany you." I smiled and said he wasn't my boyfriend, but just a friend... and she said "Oh he was so concerned I thought he was with you. Anyway it's good to have someone in your life."

I smiled awkwardly and wondered if our staff had been tasked to do matchmaking at the side.

The wound seems like it is healing well, and I hope it will be ok by Thursday.

On another note, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I'M HEADING BACK TO PAKISTAN next montH! ... WHY?! Not that I don't like the place, but... WHY DO I HAVE IT so often!

*****

I don't have exclusive rights to anything.

:(

ouch. ouch ouch ouch.

Yeap.

I now have a characteristic mark above my right eyebrow. I am DISFIGURED. *sob*

Luckily the team boy said he'll marry me. Otherwise I will be left on the shelf. Got into a mini accident on board due to some unexpected circumstances and well, sigh. I became a victim of the blardi stainless steel tray.

All because I wanted to help my soon-to-be hubby keep the kueh lapis.

So now I am on MC, and have to forgo my long-awaited flight to Frankfurt. And to make me happy, the soon-to-be hubby said he will buy stuffs on my behalf.

hur hur hur.

I got activated for Auckland tomorrow, but honestly, I still feel a little woozy. Might wanna go see the doc again for another opinion.

SIGH.

I'm broke for this month.

where'd you go?

An sms came in earlier today, after my meeting with him. It hurts to know you're seeing someone else. I love you, and have loved you since forever. But I know it will hurt you more if we are together again. I love you.

I stopped in the middle of Orchard Rd and sobbed.

I love you too.

*****

Why do I throw caution to the wind, wear my heart on my sleeve, knowing that in the end it'll lead to nowhere but hurt?

Why do I feel this way, when I don't have the right to?

Yet I can't bear to let go. What am I holding on to? A tiny little sliver of hope?

I laugh at my silliness.

*****

I promise. If after work tomorrow the pain doesn't go, I will visit a specialist.

*****

Will you still love me in the morning?

Forever and ever, babe.

xoxo,
jenn

13...

...is not such a bad number after all.

13 is when Qian will be back home.
13 is when Yan will be back home.
13 is when QQ will be back home.

Happy.

*click!*

And yes, I am still alive. Survived the flight back as well, though the pain is CONSTANTLY there. WTF is wrong with my tummy?

I can survive pretty well alone, but it does feel good when there are men around to protect you. The simplest thing can really touch me, make me go (in Jacob's words) warm and fuzzy inside. Though I think most men behave that way, but it really feels good when they get protective and want to take care of you. So I felt warm and fuzzy inside on my way home from the airport. It feels nice. :)

Then it was a last minute decision for dinner, and off to movies with D and my buddY! Had to force, threaten, and bribe her into going down town. (Goodness gracious, I really didn't know that Cineleisure has converted their 9th level into gaming and movies as well!) So we watched 'Click!' and the movie evoked much thoughts in me. I was thinking and feeling rather melancholy and sad throughout the movie, and near the end I was sobbing. I can't remember which part about the movie started me crying, the part where he realised his father died or the part where he replayed the last time he saw his dad, or the part he ran out in the rain just to tell his son that family is more important... But as I was watching the part about the daddy, I thought about him and how he would have felt during the movie.

So I sobbed. And when the anti-climax came about, I sobbed harder. Both of them turned around to stare at me. WHAT! I was crying with relief CAN!?

Me thinks this is how life works. In the process of getting to somewhere, we often miss out on a lot of things in life. Just that day I was talking to someone, and he told me how he regretted not being around when his baby took his first steps, and how, in his quest for a better life, he missed the growing-up "KODAK" moments of his baby. And how much he would have given up just to relive that moment.

Many times I wished I could go back to a certain time in life, or to pause (momentarily) a moment that I know I would cherish. And it's odd, cos when I was young, I yearned so much to just fast-forward my life to the point when I start earning my own keep, being an adult... and now that I'm one, I wish I can slow down the speed that my life is flying past at. Or better, to go back to being young again.

Oddly speaking, Le Grand Voyage hovers around a similar meaning in life for me. But the movie was about how a man got to know and understand his father when he drove his dad to Mecca, over 3000 miles from the south of France. How his father tried to show him the realities of life, and its functions. A very thought provoking movie which I wouldn't mind watching over and over again.

Couple of nights back I was chatting with D online and asked him if I give out those "come-take-care-of-me" vibes. Then he said that I have that look where people just want to keep me in their pockets, protect me from the world. And... the ex said that before, the exact same words. Ah well.

And...

::jenn:: le grand voyage says:
do i have a "come take care of me" look?
CoMpLiCaTeD © :: 我有幽闭恐惧症 says:
nope
CoMpLiCaTeD © :: 我有幽闭恐惧症 says:
u have a come fuck me look

Thanks Gigi.

g'day mate!

*brrr*

Ok so I survived the 6 hr flight to Adelaide. And crashed once I reached the room.

Adelaide is nice, too bad the stay isn't long and I didn't really feel like going out. Thought I could make a trip down to Le Cordon Bleu Adelaide but the soul is willing the flesh is weak. Or should it be the other way?

Anyway... I'm high on medication. This is the first time I'm so hooked onto the doctor's words: No spicy food, no oily food, no alcohol, medicine before food, medicine after food, medicine on empty stomach... etc. I'm suffering from withdrawal already! Why is it that whenever I'm sick, my craving for junk food like McDonald's or KFC or even potato chips increases by the minute?

Even red wine! I can practically taste the wine in my mouth!

I'm going crazy.

*****

It's cold here, even with the aircon shut off... and I feel a little silly wearing socks with my shorts. Pink socks.

*****

Okie! Time for my "Le Grand Voyage" before I hit the bed.

Happy National Day.

Au revoir!
jenn

should i or should i not?

I wonder if I should take MC or not.

Feeling lighter (emotionally & physically) after my haircut. At least now someone notices it when I cut my hair. Caught a whiff of a familiar scent as I was walking down Orchard Rd and turned around, only to see J standing behind me.

Me: I smelt you!
J: Me TOO! But I was first, cos I turned around first.

Childish boy. Haha... I haven't met him since 2 years back, and he still makes me go weak in the knees and blush like a young schoolgirl. So we went for a short coffee session and he had to rush off to a meeting which, in his words, costs an arm and a leg to set up. A hug later, he was lost in the crowd. *sob*

How we have all grown.

Ok, gonna hit the bed before my flight to Adelaide tonight. Will be home on Thursday evening, then off till Sunday.

Meet up, anyone?

*muack*

argh..

Ok, so I managed to settle the video problem I had. Anyway, fever has subsided yet the pain is still there. Sigh. I hope I can bear with the pain for ... 6 hours?

It's been a while since I had a long stretch of uninterrupted sleep. No dreams, no nightmares... and I welcome the rest!

Due for a haircut.. my hair's so long it's getting difficult to style for work.

*****

Attended Chloe's first month baby shower couple of months back, and because my monitor failed on me, couldn't post the pictures!



Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have a family of my own.

*****

I'm off for a haircut! More pictures of Moscow when I come back.

xoxo
jenn

ouch!

Got back from the hospital not too long ago and am now painting my nails!

Ooooh, I finally got my new monitor! Though I adore my iBook, but editing word documents on that tiny little screen ain't a fun thing to do.

Oookay. So this morning I went Mustafa Centre to do some early morning/ late night shopping with D, and we went to have some breakfast. Silly me forgot my tummy wasn't really awake enough for cold "teh-ping" and I finished the whole cup with gusto, despite it being a tad too sweet. Came home with diarrhea and then the nightmare started. Cowering with the sudden shot of pain every 5 minutes wasn't a fun thing to do. Started feeling really sick, and the pain didn't go even after a scrumptious lunch at KFC. So it went on, and on, and on, and then at night I couldn't take it and started crying while driving because of the pain.

And the doctor said that if my fever and pain don't subside by tomorrow, I have to admit myself into hospital for suspected stomach ulcers.

No alcohol, no smokies.

How can it be THAT serious?!

DAMN.

It still hurts. Hope I don't have to report sick tomorrow. *crosses fingers*

HOokay. My red red nails are almost dry. Time for bed. I am a good girl today. Early to bed.

painfully yours,
jenn

colourful shanghai...

HeylO! I'm back from Shanghai!

You know how.. sometimes you feel that you did a great job at work, and at times you really feel lousy about yourself? This is one of the few times that I felt I could have done so much better. And these few flights I've been feeling really under the weather.

Ah well.

Met up with Qian, who happened to be there as well. Called me when she woke up, and this was how our conversation went:

Q: Sheraton Tai Ping Yang right?
me: Yeah... you taking cab down?
Q: Yeap, what's your room number?
me: 618... i'll meet you at the reception.
Q: *silence*
me: hmm?
Q: dear, you know my room number is 618 too?

So she took the cab, a good 40 min ride all the way from Pudong to Puxi, where I was resided. Then it was a "I'm-hungry-and-I-need-food" shopping at the plaza opposite the hotel, and we bummed in my room over Choya, red wine, sushi and junk food.

So my plan to lose weight has been pushed back yet another day. And I foresee another day, and another day and another day...

Then we headed out after hours of bumming in the room, and then we forced ourselves to go out for a walk. Hopped onto a cab and got ourselves to Xin Tian Di, a really nice place to chill, food and all. Wished we could stay longer, but she commented I couldn't keep my eyes open and we left for home.



I know the photos suck, but that's the best my handphone could handle cos our sweet little lass Qian drained her camera out of batt by taking narcissistic photos of herself.

*hur hur hur*

In a kissy mood today.

MUACK~!

xoxo
jenn

someone from the familiar past...

"You haven't changed, Jenn."

"hmmm? Older, perhaps?"

"You're still you, your looks and everything... the vibes you give out. The crazy wild you. Still the same as before, when I fell in love with you years back."

"Ya right. I'm older, and probably jaded. Fatter perhaps."

"Would you consider me then, if you weren't with him?"

"Hmmm, I wouldn't know. Anything could happen, couldn't it?"

"Would you consider me now, that you aren't with anyone?"

"I don't know. Anything can happen."

*****

Bittersweet love.

*****

I love reading National Geographic. I love the pictures within and sometimes I wonder how photographers capture the hurt and the pain in someone's eyes. It fascinates me.

*****

Off to Shanghai tonight, then back on Sunday afternoon. Can't wait to meet up with Qian there, and probably off to drinks and music.

夜上海。

xoxo,
jenn

::replacement::

I'm always the replacement people, the space filler. The one who people go to when they need to fill time in between slots. But we all are guilty of finding people to fill in the spaces in our lives one time or another.

Just probably it's happened to me more than "one time or another".

The number of times I've been prepositioned propositioned by men who are married or attached are so many times more than nice and simple single men it's not funny and I'm starting to wonder if I just give out that kind of vibes.

Hur hur. Doomed for a life of being second-best.

Hokie. So I'm now a little nearer to removing that BIG "P" sign next to my name, and starting to wonder what I'm going to do with my life. Oh yes, it's still toooo early to say, but then, no harm planning way way ahead right?

Laugh all you want. I know I'm never a planner, but I can still try planning for that wee-little bit of free time I have ok!

I am planning to go back to dancing. I've done ballroom cha-cha, waltz, tango, salsa... a little of exotic dance... And now I'm thinking of doing pole dancing. Anyone wants to go with me? Ever since Paul won the scholarship to US to learn dancing full-time, I've been wondering if I should have pursued my interests in music and the arts. I ran my fingers on the ivories today, and despite not having practiced on the piano for so long, it's good to hear that I still play pretty much a-ok.

There're so many things I want to do!

frustrated,
jenn

*edit: propositioned...not prepositioned. heh.*

Kiss - Because I'm a girl...

One of the songs which can make me cry like a dam let loose.

First saw the MTV when it first came out, and even though I didn't know what the lyrics meant, the MTV was enough to touch me. I found this MTV with the English subtitles... and now it made me cry even more knowing what the lyrics meant.

One line though, was extremely funny. "Although I will curse you I will miss you." hur hur. Case of translation gone .. wrong.

Still...

I wonder how it feels like to see through the eyes of the person you love. Would the world still look the same? Or would the world look brighter in your eyes?

I wonder.

kiss.

Japan overdose...

Back-to-back Japan flights are not good on the wallet and figure. I just OD-ed on 100 yen shopping, Japanese snacks, food, and I've had enough of the TV channels there.

Glad to be home somehow. Yet not.

Oh, and tomorrow I'm off to Ikoi. DAMN. More Japanese food.

I so love love love soba noodles. I'm addicted.

*****

Did some really crazy shopping in Narita with the teamies, then I dragged them to the temple with me. We bummed around for a while, and though there was nothing much to do, we drove ourselves crazy by dragging one another out of the 100 yen shops.

I'm happy for nice teamies.

*****

Many plans lined up for this week. Which is good.

Next up: Shanghai! Normally I doubt I would be that happy to do that flight, but I'm seeing Qian!

Ok, i should be off to bed. Tired.

xoxo
jenn

you've got mail!

An sms came in from a dear friend currently in Frankfurt, and it was really sweet and touching, it made me smile...

I am happy for friends who care...

:)

satisfied.

xoxo
jenn

jenn's wisecrack of the day:

It's so much easier to find someone you want to fuck for the rest of your life than someone who will hold your hands for the same lifetime.

wisely yours
Jenn

::sadomasochism::

I never realised I am still capable of feeling such pain after even such a long time. Yet this pain is oddly soothing. Like I used to always say, pain is an addiction, a harsh reminder that I am still human, still alive.

Probably I am the only person I know who always fall for the wrong men, having wrong men fall for me, breaking hearts, mending hearts, a vicious repetitive cycle which only makes me more jaded with each round.

But what is it that I want? I know not the answer.

Then again it hasn't been a factor, because I never bothered about what I want.

*****

The 5 off days have come and almost gone, and finally a team flight with some of the girls. Good to have familiar faces on board, and am going shopping (hopefully) in Narita again.

And... heh heh... when I come back, I'll be going to IKOI for the yummiest japanese buffet! But my darling Jacob says it's not that fantastic. STILL, i like.

Feeling better already... i think.

xoxo,
jenn

stories..

We all have our own stories to tell. Stories of happiness, sadness, love, hate, anger, despair... I remember times when I sat down at roadside cafes, watching the world go by. And I wonder what lies beneath each and every single person who walked down that road that day, who walked into my view. The man who stood at the traffic light looking impatiently at his watch, waiting to cross; the girl biting into a sandwich as she strolled on, stopping as she picked up a call; the young couple laughing as they walked past; the Caucasian man looking puzzled as he stared at the map... I wonder what their stories are, I wonder what they have to tell.

I have my own stories, my own secrets. I'm not ready to share, because words fail me. But if I bare my soul to you, will you listen?

It's ironic how, as someone with prior experience doing marketing and public relations supposedly good with words, it is always difficult for me to put into words about my feelings and what I want. In a way, I never wanted to share how I really feel or what I really want because I don't want to feel too exposed, nor do I want to make someone feel obliged into doing something or changing to suit my likes and expectations. But sharing is a two-way thing... something which I stopped doing since.. a long while ago. And I doubt I'll be doing it again anytime soon.

So. What's your story?

*****

As weird as it sounds, I love the smell of cigarettes in aircon. Probably because it reminds me of my childhood, when Dad used to smoke chimneys. The bedroom always smelt of cigarettes, always smelt of Dad. I've gotten into the habit of lighting up a ciggie whenever I am overseas and let the smell infiltrate into the hotel room (and of course, I do it only if I'm allocated a smoking room), and it just makes me feel a lot at home.

*****

I wonder why when we cry, there's always an aching feeling in the chest. At a time when most people I know are sleeping, I am still wide awake. My tears have dried up and I guess it's time to move on. So long as the people I care for are happy, nothing else kinda matters.

xoxo,
jwnn

Los Angeles.

It was HOT.

Not HOT in the damn-you-should-be-there kinda thing, more I-am-sweating-buckets kinda hot.

Didn't manage to go out as planned with this American guy I met, because I was jet-lagged. Yes, laugh all you want. I thought jet-lag never happens to me, but well, I should be biting my words now. BECAUSE, I reached home at 3am, finally fell asleep at 5am and it was 8am when Charcoal hopped onto my bed and woke me up.

Oh. And a pleasant surprise awaited when i reached home. King Charcoal peed on my bed, leaving a freaking disgusting yellow stain by the time I got home. Luckily the mattress had a protective cover, so I need not discard this %&*(@# expensive queen-sized bed.

So now I am very jet-lagged.

This Tokyo-LA trip was the last team flight for this team that I flew with, and I could feel their sadness at the end of the flight. The crazy drinking session in Tokyo got everyone in laughter with silly antics and all, with the effect of alcohol. At the end of the flight, we took crazy photos outside the gate, and everyone was happy. I really enjoyed this flight, though it was a tad too long away from home. Still, I yearn for more flights with such fun and crazy people. They really make the trip a lot more fun.

*****

Managed to do a little shopping in LA, wanted to visit Orange County, but didn't know how to get there with the vague instructions from the locals, so gave up on the idea. Oh! And I found my favourite chocolate shop in Glendale!!! See's Candies!!! I went in and got a sugar high just by staring at the chocolates.

Well, so the next thing I did was to buy my favourite lollies~!! *heh heh*

On the flight from LA to Tokyo, I met this guy on board who, during our conversation, when he heard I wanted to visit Orange County, gave me his contact details so on my next trip to LA, he could bring me around.

Then in Tokyo, I went in search of the 100 yen shop, and somehow got lost. So with my very limited Japanese, I manage to seek the help of a young couple, and, they brought me all the way there even when they had planned to go elsewhere. So with my "half-past-six" Japanese and their limited English, we had a really weird but funny conversation. Of course, when we reached, they shopped with me as well.

Sigh. Why are Japanese girls so gentle? Makes me feel really unrefined next to them. *sulks*

Ok, so it's off to Tokyo again on the next trip. But this time I'll at least fly with some girls on my team. Why don't I ever get team flights!?

*****

On another note, I'm gonna meet Qian in Shanghai!!! Can't wait to see her again.

Ok, I think I need to at least try to sleep.

It's 10 am.

Stupid jet lags.

xoxo,
jet-lagged jenn

title? what title?!

I wonder what has gotten into me recently.

I was always known as the one without any temper, and used to have the temper of a nun going into recluse (ok, so I don't know what the temper of a nun in recluse is, but you get the drift), and now, I think my temper is as short as the wick of a birthday candle.

So I am having PMS. So I am feeling irritated. So I am feeling grouchy. So what?

Never used to blame my temper on PMS. Never want to. But still, around the doomed day my temper fluctuates. I hate this. But everything around me irks me. Especially... ah well. Forget it.

*****

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok I feel better.

*****

Will be leaving for Narita later, and then to Los Angeles. Back next Wed in the dead of the night.

I want to go drink. I miss drinking wine.

I am suffering from alcohol withdrawal.

Someone save me!

Anal-ly yours,
Jenn

to: you.

I know you read what I write whenever you can.

Please.. let me go.. Don't make me hate you for what you have done.

It wasn't easy for me to let those memories go either, but holding on to them selfishly isn't going to work out for either of us.

Please.

Let me go.

ex-Friends...

I know of many who can remain good friends with their ex-es.

I wonder why I haven't been able to. Is it my fault that things turned out this way? Did I make things bad for him and I?

Really envy those who are still chummy with the ex-es. He was a really close friend of mine, and the fact that we're no longer friends kind of triggered some sadness in me.

Ah well. Life goes on.

Will be away in Amritsar (if you don't know where it is, go Google Earth it out) later, and back early Saturday morning.

xoxo
jenn

(edit: I just read this, and I dare say it just summed up what I am feeling.)

Another personality test....

Well.... Qian passed me this link and i found it pretty accurate....

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

My life is...

... full of lies.

I hate liars.

*****

Why? Why? Why?

It hurts and yet it doesn't.

I'm confused and yet not.

*****

You're slowly losing me.

*****

I so wanna be loved.


xoxo,
jenn

Murphy's Law is....

... just a big fat silly disclaimer.

xoxo,
jenn

finally home.. once again.

I'm finally home from Moscow.. and well, it's been a really good trip with a bunch of very fun crew. Got a call which made me really upset, not over him, but how he still feels that he could manipulate me with his words..

But tired... need sleep.

Happened to hear this song which... reminded me of myself...

::Iris:: by GooGoo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you,
'Cause I know that you feel me some how.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am......

Dubai - Moscow from 26 Jun to 3 Jul...

My lovely darlings...

I will be away from tonight till next Monday....

See you all when I get bacK!

xoxo
Jenn

Mememeeeeeeeeee.

Since everyone's doing this... here goes.

If you comment on this post:

1. i’ll respond with something random about you
2. i’ll challenge you to try something
3. i’ll pick a color that i associate with you
4. i’ll tell you something i like about you
5. i’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. i’ll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. i’ll ask you something i’ve always wanted to ask you
8. if i do this for you, you must post this on yours

I love the World Cup...

... and I've been losing sleep over the matches.

Sigh. I can't sleepppppp.

And I'm so tired. My right ankle is starting to hurt again. Stupid old sports injuries.

:(

I need tender loving care.

xoxo
jenn

I miss....

... climbing trees and getting stuck there until grandpa carried me down.
... jumping into the pool after the morning walk.
... flying kites with grandpa.
... running to grandma's house after school to wait for mum.

... being able to leave class early just because we had choir rehearsals on that day.
... hanging outside the classrooms chatting with friends above and next to us.
... falling in love for the first time.
... sneaking textbooks from other classes.
... falling asleep in Biology class.
... standing up for one another as a class.
... bowling sessions or KTV sessions after school.
... eating Long John's at JEC.

... sitting outside TP bookstore in between classes, eating our favourite Little Chef cup noodles.
... slogging over the computer on our first Excel project.
... sitting in lectures trying to snack without making too much noise.
... being chummy with all our lecturers.
... cooking in Saffron.
... internship at The Regent.
... working with a good team of friends.
... eating at the tze-char stall opposite TP.
... overnight camps in TP.
... long strolls and conversations at Bedok Reservoir.
... chicken cutlet at Biz Park, muslim food in Design, jap in Mensa...
... sitting outside Jupiter Cafe watching time pass.

... working in a hotel.
... being around people who really care.
... working long hours doing things I really love.
... feeling accomplished and satisfied.

... having someone I can care for, and love.
... falling in love without any inhibition.
... being happy.
... cooking.
... lazy Sundays at the beach.

... meeting up the guys at Bt Timah for coffee and prata.
... watching soccer with the guys.
... my ex-movie kakis (YOU!!!!! sob. Now I have to find new ones.)
... hanging out with friends.
... being hopeful about everything.
... being in love.

But most of all...
... being myself.

xoxo
Jenn

Life is...

... full of contradiction. Ever made up your mind to never end up in a certain job, be with certain types of people, or do certain things, to end up being in that certain job, with those certain types of people, or doing those certain things?

I have.

Was in Kensington Park taking a walk when I saw a sign stating "No Cycling" and just on that path, I saw cyclists. Why bother putting signs when people are sure to still break them? I wonder.

*****

Have you been so unhappy that you cannot remember what happiness means? And you grow to be happy with being unhappy?

Someone posed me this question. And that probably summed up what I have been feeling the past few days. Or rather, weeks. More likely, months. OH who cares.

I guess I kinda forgot how happiness feels. Gone are the days when everything around me seemed bright and cheery no matter how grey they actually are. Gone are the days when I feel light, and not weighed down by anything at all. Gone are the days when I could laugh heartily and happily and just not give a damn to weird stares. Gone are the days when I feel carefree, and not be bothered by anything at all.

I just want to be happy again. But how can I when my heart is strongly guarded? How can I be happy when I don't allow myself that little bit of happiness?

Or where can I find my happiness?

What the f*ck am I babbling about?

*****

I miss watching soccer with the guys. I miss the lazy lounging at pubs, watching the matches on big screens. I miss drinking beer and being just one of the guys with the guys.

*****

I kinda like the smell of cigars.

*****
Some pictures from London...



And there you go! Xiao Chang and I in my room. Thanks for staying over dear. Though we've been friends only a short while, thank you for being there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to.



*****

Oh oh. And I saw this sign at the airport while waiting for my brother to touch down from Hong Kong (and OH WAIT. I AM STILL WAITING.)



Please refrain from sleeping in the establishment. Thank you for your cooperation.

NO SLEEPING OK!

No sleeping.
At all.

hur hur hur.

xoxox,
jenn

Back from London... one day earlier.

Was activated to come back one day earlier from London. Sigh. But I was glad to have been able to meet up with Xiao Chang!!! :)

Tired now. The good guy Kelvin came down to the airport to pick me up, and wrote my name on a big piece of paper. Silly boy. Somehow it feels good to have someone waiting outside the arrival hall, welcoming you back home.

The nice team boy was very sweet, came down early in the morning to send me off. Thank you!!! And sadly, no more team flights until... until.... I don't even know when. Bleah.

Gonna rush out for a while. More updates later!

Je me déteste!

La femme est triste.

Happened to chat to A over MSN before I left for Bali. He said that the ex's current gf resembles me in so many ways he felt weird.

I don't know how to describe the feeling I had after I heard it.

*****

I used to love cooking, and always cooked or baked for him... and it really felt great when he beamed and said he loved the food. Cooking used to be an act of love between us both... but now, I feel lethargic whenever I step into the kitchen to cook, and haven't been doing so for ages.

Probably should start baking stuffs again.

*****

Bali was alright, I didn't go for massage due to the back strain I had (which, is now getting a lot better) and so I had a good sleep in the hotel room. Flight back was alright, slowly feeling I can handle short flights a lot better. I wondered what life would be like if i hadn't taken up this job. Would I find something I like? Would I be happy?

*****

Then came this Jakarta turn early this morning. Leading said I did a good job and commended me to my team IFS, but I felt really lousy on the way up. I thought I could do a lot better, but yet I don't know how. Almost wanted to give up. Hoped very much to see someone after the flight so that I could probably feel a little better, but never got the chance to. Good thing I had someone to accompany me and to hear me whine over lunch and coffee, and friends who are online to put up with my nonsense.

*****

I've evolved into a boring person!!! My off days are spent mostly at home sleeping! What happened to activities?!

*****

I love long aimless drives, without any place in particular, just driving and driving and driving. I want to drive off the beaten track, admire rows of trees or the clear blue sky as I drive, or maybe on a jeep, drive into the wilderness, enjoy the bumpiness of the ride, feel the rain on my skin... feel the wind in my hair... have the sun's rays warm my soul...

Ah well, I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to do so.

*****

ARGH!

Ok, that scream was really random but I just wanted to let off steam. BOoOooOooOOOOOO.

I love it when Charcoal cuddles up to me in his sleep, and it feels good to feel him huddled against me. But I really don't appreciate the fact that he sleeps on my pillow with his ass facing my nose. And though I think he's smart to have learnt how to open the door, I wish he could close the door after him sometimes, because HE WILL STILL TRY TO PUSH THE DOOR OPEN WHEN IT IS ALREADY OPEN! After which, he would strut in with an indignant look on his face. He is royalty at home. No one disturbs the Highness. No one tells the Highness what to do.

Now His Highness is staring at me. ROARRRRRRRRRRRRR

I can't wait to get back from London so I can meet up with some friends. Oh dear. I haven't done the flight and I'm already looking forward to coming back.

*****

Come home quick Ah Fat and Yan. I miss hanging out with the gang.

xoxox,
Jenn

i give up.

I give up waiting for nicely rostered flights. The only good thing about the new roster is that I will be going down to Moscow. Sad thing, that I won't be going on flights with my team, and can't go out with my newly found travel companion.

Heading down to Sydney tomorrow... wonder what the flight would bring. I hope I survive tomorrow well.

Probably still feeling a little dejected about the new roster.

*****

Got tricked by the IFS on the previous sector from Shanghai, and was given the name Little Miss Naive on board.

I should really stop taking what people say at face value, huh?

*****

Met up with the 853 guys last night for a short dinner in Marina South and drinks at Cosy Bay. Brought back memories which I tried to fight back.


Vincent, Darren, Jacob & I

I miss training with the gang.

*****

I really should be sleeping now, as it's an early reporting tomorrow. But I just can't get to sleep.

I'm such a melancholic person, and I have a lot of memories inside me. Everytime I chance upon something that played a role in my life before, I would think of the past.

*****

I really shouldn't feel so attached.

*****

Was just chatting with Ah Fat, and in whatever relationship, it takes two hands to clap, both parties to make the effort to make things work. But, like I told him, as we grow older, somehow we put in less effort into making something work out. And then it comes the part on expectations. I don't know if I can live up to someone's expectation of me, and I wonder if I sometimes expect too much from someone, or anyone.

*****

Sometimes u need to just open ur heart a bit,
it's tough la.. esp after what u have gone thru.

I wish I could. I can't wear my heart on my sleeve, and get hurt all over again. I'm a coward. Life is about taking risks, but love is not a risk I think I can take.

xoxox,
jenn

crossroads..

I've got loads to say and yet I don't know what to say.

Laters. Woke up early and now got to prepare to bring Charcoal out for grooming.

xoxox,
jenn

the song which brought back memories...

From The Heart - Another Level

I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before.
And you've been hurting so your heart has chose to close the door.
Love broke your heart and brought you lies.
Look in my eyes, you'll see a love thats deep and true.
Tender and strong and all for you.
You can trust this love
Honest, that's the honest truth

Chorus

From the heart I'm giving you everything, everything
From the heart I promise you that I'll be there
I'll be there to love you
From the soul I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel is,
From the heart, from the heart.

I will protect you and respect you and be all you need.
And when you reach for love you only need to reach for me.
These arms will never let you down.
Theyre staying around.
I'll walk with you through every storm.
I'll keep you save I'll keep you warm.
And you'll have no doubt.. you're the one I'm living for.

I'll provide the love you need.
Just trust my touch, believe in me.
I'll never make you cry.
Give it all I got, with all I've got inside.

*****

Lost.

xoxox
Jenn

questions... without answers.

Him: You're seeing someone now?
Me: ??
Him: Is he good to you?
Me: Why ask?
Him: I still care, you know?
Me: Thanks for your concern.
Him: Do you love him?
Me: How, or rather, why should I answer that?
Him: How do you put down the past?
Me: Just like how you found someone new.
Him: Do you miss me?
Me: Does it really matter?
Him: Yes. Cos, I still miss you at times.

painting the town red...

... I wish. All that I am painting red are my nails.

Barely recovered from my bout of flu and went off to Taipei on Friday. Taipei was terrific! Jacob gave me a buzz in my room and tried to trick me with his lousy joke, and went up to his room to accompany him while he prepared for flight.

Met up with Shu'e, Huihui and Minghsia who were already there for the past 5 days and bummed in my room before we went on our eating and shopping spree in Shih Lin Night Market. I wanted to splurge on shoes but I was too spoilt for choice. We ate a lot, and walked down the streets before we headed back to Ximen Ding for a break.

I woke up in the morning with a fever and flu which had gone worse. Managed to work my way back to Singapore with a dripping tap in place of my nose. But the load was light, so there wasn't much of a problem.

Then it was meeting my lovely Qian, who came back from Doha for a short break. At Wala's, we bitched over alcohol, laughed at our own little experiences with different people, shared our life stories and our little comments about work. I wish she wasn't so far away, but then again, probably our distance apart made us really close friends today. Really love having her back, and I look forward to seeing her again sooN!!!

*****

Every country I go, I tend to buy more books to add to my collection of unread books. I think I should stop this "unhealthy" habit.

A photo collage I put together in a hurry....



*****

Can someone really love more than one person at a time? I hope not. But then again... probably I should stop deluding myself.

*****

WHERE IS VAL! I haven't seen her in the longest time! ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

jenn's quote of the day...

It's so much easier to walk away than to confront what's at hand.

I'm a coward. But I just can't face up to hurt.

*sniff sniff* *cough cough*

Had a tiny bout of flu before I left for Manchester, but I came back feeling really sick and lousy. It was a good thing that our team was scheduled to fly back as passengers, so I didn't have to work on my way back. The crew operating our flight back was really sweet, they knew I was ill, and fussed over me. I felt really pampered, and my very nice team boy took care of me during the flight.

Yes, I'm a sucker for attention and care when I'm sick. So what? :P

But yet sometimes I wish to be left alone still.

*****

Pictures of quiet town Manchester when I'm back online again. Right now, it's time to sleep.

Pitter patter pitter patter...

I kinda like Melbourne. I have no idea why. I've been to Melbourne more than 3 times, before I was flying and even now, yet I haven't grown tired of the city. But this time Melbourne was a little chilly, probably because it was near winter.


Flinders Street Station

Was supposed to meet up with George, but we had a change of plans last minute, so I went out strolling alone. Got stuck in a second-hand bookstore, where I bought 2 books (almost bought a lot more, if not for the fact that I have to save up some money). By the time I left the bookstore it was near dark, so I bought an ice cream and walked down to the park near Flinders Street Station. Was reading 'Almost French' by Sarah Turnbull and taking photos when this rather cute French guy came up to me. Phillipe was his name, and we spent the evening chatting in the park, then adjourned to the cafe for drinks and pastries. Very sweet gentleman, but then again, I don't know him well enough to judge.

*****

I picked up a leaf from the ground on my way back to the hotel. I thought it was pretty nicely shaped. But it dried up when I reach the hotel, so some of the edges have fallen off. Still, it looks pretty. I love autumn leaves.

*****

Did a Penang turn with my team yesterday, and it was the first time I met them. They seem nice, but I was, and still am, worried that I cannot really gel into the team. Will be meeting them for flight later to Manchester. And I woke up with a bout of flu. Hope things turn out well.

*****

It's not easy, eh?

Sigh.

Kena tagged. Bleah.

7 random facts about me:
1. I was really fat. Like REALLY FAT.
2. I actually am a closet nerd.
3. I have tons of books which I bought and haven't found the time to read.
4. I love dancing.
5. I used to love Smurfs, until I felt that they are pretty warped.
6. I HATE INSECTS WHICH FLY.
7. My comfort drink is hot Milo.

7 celebrity crushes:
1. George Clooney
2. Johnny Depp
3. Brad Pitt
4. Hugh Jackman
5. Robert Redford
6. Orlando Bloom
7. Antonio Banderas

7 qualities i want in a potential boyfriend:
can't think. I kinda gave up on potential boyfriends.

7 things that scare me:
1. COCKROACHES
2. lizards
3. Horror shows
4. losing loved ones
5. losing Charcoal
6. stupid insects which fly
7. planes which cannot fly

7 random songs at the moment:
1. You're beautiful / James Blunt
2. Same side of the moon / Corrine May
3. Sexed up / Robbie Williams
4. Bad Day / Daniel Powter
5. Goodbye my lover / James Blunt
6. If I kissed you / Corrine MAy
7. Safe in a crazy world / Corrine May

7 things i like the most:
1. Sitting with people I like, doing nothing at all
2. Reading my books or magazines
3. eating ice cream
4. Dancing
5. champagne, red wine or white wine, according to mood
6. Grocery Shopping
7. taking a road trip.

7 things i plan to do before i die:
1. Go to Spain
2. take part in a piano concerto
3. Backpack around the world
4. Bring my parents to wherever they want to go
5. Travel to unknown places on earth
6. Sky diving
7. Mountain hiking

7 things i say the most:
1. I don't give a flying f***
2. WHAT?!
3. What the f***?!
4. Excuse me/ Sorry/ Please excuse me.
5. Mind your heads/ backs/ legs!
6. Thank you sir/ madam!
7. Shucks.

ROOOOARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I just whine (again) about my lousy roster next month?

*****

Had a wonderful time in Beijing, K heard I would be bored there, then he took the really late night flight, and appeared at my door in the morning! We chatted over room service, and then he took the same flight which I was on back at night. We spoke a lot, after he disappearing from my life (or was it me from his life) for ... say... 3 years?

And then it was a short stay in Seoul, where I rushed out to fulfil some friends' shopping lists, drinking and eating, drinking and eating... Little wonder it is then, that my uniform seems tight now. Argh.

*****

The weekend was spent lazing and catching up on sleep at home. Met up with JH and QL for supper near my place. The two guys are finally near to graduation.. and we talked about how we've all grown and done things which we never thought we would have done. Would we have taken a different path if we had the chance to go back in time?

*****

Heard great news from Qian, and I wish her happiness. Hope this is the man who'll love you in the most perfect way possible.

I yearn to love, and be loved in return. Is that difficult?

There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved.

- George Sand -

Can you make me happy?

*****

Spent the morning with K again, and we wondered if things would have worked out if we had gotten together then. I thought not, but he thought otherwise. Still, he's changed and I've changed. Will things work out now?

I would rather be your friend forever. At least, then I would know that you'd always love me in your capacity.

*****

Same topics discussed with different groups of people, yet they all say the same. I shouldn't think too much eh?

*****

Been really irritated since last night. I think I'm really tired, both emotionally and physically. I need a break.

xoxox,
jenn

Off to Beijing... again...

This is the second time I'm flying off to Beijing within a month. However, dear Mr Fat is not free to meet me as he will be away for the May Day holidays.

Hopefully the flight tomorrow will be good. Not exactly looking forward to flight since what happened the last time. Sigh.

How positive can one stay for long? I wonder.

Girlfriend called me earlier and asked me a really weird question about something which happened a long time back.. and kinda got me thinking a little. I wonder why she asked.

*****

On another note, Qian is finally coming back to SIN for a while! And she'll be in on the days I'm home!

Can't wait to catch up with her at Wala's. At least this is the tentative plan.

*****

I finally went for brazilian waxing at Strip this afternoon. Haven't done it in the longest time ever and... it was a hair-raising (no pun intended) experience. Spent the afternoon window shopping, and ended up at The Mind Cafe, laughing our asses off on the games we played.

I love spending time like that with people I care for.

*****

Am typing as I am painting my nails blood red. I can't believe that this nail painting routine has become part of my life.

Eew.

Random ramblings... oh what's new?

Met up with Amy and Huiling in the evening for dinner, and we sat at Starbucks to bitch the night away. Chat about sensitive topics which might get Amy blushing, but it was really funny and hilarious. And so the 2 ladies left to meet their beaus, and I, without any plans, came home taking public transport.

I've been taking public transport pretty much of late, and somehow, I like long bus rides. Reminded me of the long conversations we've had, the only times we could spend together due to our packed student activities, catching up on each other's lifes. Reminisced a little about the past, and kinda missed taking the bus with the guys after choir practices.

Ah, signs of me growing old.

*****

Plans with Lady Stella to go MOS kinda didn't happen cos I felt tired earlier, and we couldn't really find people to go. So I came home and sat my butt down in front of the computer, and spent the time thinking if I should remove my makeup and shower before getting into bed. After an hour of painstakingly waiting for calls to invite me out for the night, I decided to prepare for bed.

Just as I stepped out of the shower, a call came and forced me out for drinks. So I went out again.

We chatted, laughed, and drank while catching up after a long period of disappearance from each other's lifes. He said that he could never be a replacement, only a substitute. And I agreed, somehow.

*****

And I just got back, feeling more awake than ever.

I think I need sleep.

Back home again....

Just got back from Christchurch, had a bad start which left me feeling really demoralised, but thanks to the crew, who encouraged me no end, I survived pretty much.

Don't feel like talking about it though, so ... would appreciate if you guys don't ask. :)

*****

Wanted to skydive in NZ, but weather was so bad, it rained every hour or so. First night, we went to the casino opposite the hotel and spent a long time there. When we got back, a few of us gathered to drink and play games, and I went back to the room feeling woozy. Think I talked rubbish online with a couple of people (you know who you are, especially the one who wanted to call and hear how I sound!). So it was just lunch and a little walk around town the next day, in the rain no less.

*****

Couldn't sleep last night in the hotel, so met up with one of the crew and we had a long chat into the morning.

Shared many thoughts... which set me thinking. =(

*****

I wish things were a lot simpler.

Spinning around...

This has been a crazy week of turnarounds... to Kuala Lumpur, and to Bangkok. Great crew, lots of learning, lots of training on my speed, what else can I ask for?

Had a nightstop in Bangkok, so once we checked into the room, a group of us went out for shopping, drinks and dinner, or rather, supper. Came back to the hotel pretty late, and I contemplated staying awake throughout the night, only to fall asleep and disregard the ringing of my alarm clock.

No more wild nights like this.

*****

Met up with Stella for dinner, and we spent about 3 hours in Cafe Cartel, just chatting and bumming around, hogging a huge table meant for a big group. But no one chased us away, so we shamelessly sat ourselves down.

I got a webcam and a Skype phone! So last night I gave a coupla friends a quick tour of my room. hahaha! Then Val & I tried to use skype to chat on the phone, but there was something wrong with our connection. Sigh.

And now I'm forcing friends to see me via webcam. STOP HIDING FROM ME ALOYSIUS! And chatting with Ah Fat over skype.

*****

Tomorrow I'll be off to Christchurch. Heard the weather's cold. So, I went out to buy a jacket, despite already having 2 from London.

And hurt done to my wallet was... $400. I walked past Esprit and I saw they were having a sale.

Sigh.

This is unhealthy.

Argh.

STOP IT JENN!

I miss...

... being the old me.

Where are you?

:,(

I really should stop being so emo and get out of this depressing shithole.

It's already 3 am...

... and I can't get to sleep still.

Oh, and because it was Easter Sunday yesterday, we had hot cross buns on board! I absolutely love hot cross buns because they have raisins and apricots inside. Love it love it love it! I broke into song in the galley and got laughed at by the rest.

"Hot cross buns, hot cross buns,
One a penny, two a penny
Hot cross buns!"

Now that I've got myself started on silly songs, here's another one I love to sing to irritate everyone.

"Say a thousand legged worm, as it gives a little squirm,
Have you seen this little leg of mine?
If it can't be found, I shall have to hop around,
On my nine hundred and ninety-nine!
Hop around, Hop around,
Have you seen this little leg of mine?
If it can't be found, I shall have to hop around,
On my nine-hundred and ninety-nine!"

Oh I feel so young again.

I have more songs! And nursery rhymes!
BUt I'm done with them today. Now the wormy song is stuck in my head.

Damn it.

Rain.. rain

Got back from my standby flight this morning... did a turnaround to Dhaka and it was truly and eye-opener for me. Learnt a lot of things though, which is good, and I really hope to be good at what I'm doing.

*****

I love rain somehow. I like the cold, wet feeling, the droplets of rain on my window. I like to sit in cars, trace the path each drop of rain run down the window. I like to see how people would run to take shelter from the rain, I like to see people strolling under their umbrellas, all from the comfort of my covered shelter.

Yet at times, I love to run in the rain, heck, if I could, I want to dance in the rain.

But I wish the rain will go away tomorrow because Val & I want to go to SentosA!

*****

When I was happily attached years back, I thought all I wanted was a successful career and be a happily married woman.

Then I became single and I thought... I just want a successful career.

Then I got this job. Good bye successful career.

hAhaha, Val and I talked about this during our stay in Karachi. Life takes a weird turn sometimes. Or rather, everytime.

*****

Finally my NUS/NTU guys are graduating! Welcome to the working world, in advance, buddies! But first, have fun with exams. HAhAhahA!

And yes, I'm still left with 2 modules that I need to complete before I graduate from UWA. I will settle it soon. I hope.

*****

I want my iBook back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lousy feeling

Just got home from The Mind Cafe with friends.

I had wanted to get something off my chest...felt really lousy, really lousy.

But I thought it wouldn't be of any use. Cos the outcome will stay the same.

It's tiring to live a lie right? I wouldn't have the energy to do that.

singled out

So someone patched back with the ex, some friends got hitched, one got married and oh well, none free to accompany poor old me.

Back to work tomorrow night... sigh.

*****

I was browsing through some books, and a sudden thought hit me.

I used to feel... special somehow. Like.. people would love me for my bubbly personality, my witty jokes, my silliness... everything.

Somehow, I realised I'm.. just boring old me. No longer the hyper-active one, no longer the funny one, no longer the person to hang out with.

I hate this feeling.

*****

Sudden craving for salmon.
And thick chunks of steak.

Another boring post...

Yes, as you may have noticed, I've been blogging a lot more recently. I'm on a week's leave, and my plans to go HKG or to BKK or even to the beach have been scrapped due to my being vain.

SO during the past few days, I have:
- packed my room slightly
- chatted over the phone and MSN with friends I haven't had time to catch up with
- done online shopping
- surfed many weird and interesting websites
- attended an ROM this afternoon.

*****

So this afternoon I attended Phil's ROM. That guy had the cheek to call me on Monday, telling me that he forgot to send me an invitation to his ROM. Being really good friends, and on the promise that he will introduce some nice young chaps to me, I tagged along.

I volunteered my camera for some photo-taking sessions, when I realised.. I left my memory stick in the computer.

How nice. How typical of me.

Today's the first time I saw P's wife. Always knew she wasn't local, but I wasn't expecting him to marry an Australian as his parents are very conservative and traditional. Still, for his parents to be able to accept her, that lady must be really special. Sad thing is, after next month, he'll be leaving us to settle down in Perth with her family. Which means, he's gotten his job application approved. Which means, when I go to Perth, I can visit him! Which means, I'm more likely to see him more often! Which, when I told him that, he cringed and said he'd keep his address hidden from me.

How nice. How typical of him.

My leave's coming to an end on Friday. And tomorrow night I am going to watch West Side Story with Jason!

YIPPEE!

Ok, enough of blogging.

MyHeritage.com

Again, another bored day at home. It's raining and I can't go down to the beach!

So I was chatting with Sel, and then he told me to go MyHeritage.com. And so I did. And then the next half an hour or so, I was stuck with putting up pictures and seeing who I resembled.

Heh.

All you people who have taken photos with me before, BEWARE!!!



This is a picture of Val and I in London...



A pic of Sel & I taken outside The University of Sydney... and I quote "I don't wanna look like a dead gay!" :P



This was taken at Louis' birthday party last year. HahaHAahAh, apparently he looks like Stephen Chow.



A narcissistic picture of myself. Who is Ha Ji-Won anyway?



And then I put up Charcoal's pic for fun. But no matches.

So.. I have a typical Asian face with my small eyes. Sigh. NO chance of me looking like Angelina Jolie ever.

My love language... haha!

I... erm... was bored. So...

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		11
Quality Time:		10
Acts of Service:		4
Words of Affirmation:		3
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

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beauty.

I've learnt, that beauty comes with a price to pay.

I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again. I shall not be vain again.

Slap me with a trout if you ever see me being vain again.

::unprotected::

Nightmares plague me every night, haunting me in my sleep. I toss and turn, I wake up in tears, yet I don't remember much.

Snippets, snippets and snippets.... Photographs of my haunting dreams pieced up to tell a whole new story.

I feel vulnerable.

I feel exposed.

I feel... left alone.

Give me a box. I want to stay inside my box.

Back from Karachi...

I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I'm a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other.
The meeting of these two women is a game with serious risks. A divine dance. When we meet, we are two divine energies, two universes colliding. If the meeting is not carried out with due reverence, one universe destroys the other.
- excerpt from Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

Touched down from Karachi, Pakistan, early yesterday morning. I have nothing much to say about Karachi, cos I spent 90% of my time in the hotel, catching up on rest and my reading. Being a closet nerd that I am, I was elated when I finished one book.

Read Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes, and was rather surprised to find that I could actually relate to many instances mentioned in the story, a real-life account of a prostitute who was trying to find herself. Life is, by itself, a contradictory stage. It is too long, too draggy for one to suffer, yet too short, too abrupt, for anyone to make mistakes. For me, in the midst of trying to live life, I lose myself and not know what I want out of life. Heck, sometimes I don't even know who I am. Am I still bursting with energy, full of zest for things I do, full of curiosity for all new things... or am I jaded with life, with love, with everything and just about everyone?

I have no fucking idea.

*****

Anyway, Karachi. Dusty and we were advised not to drink water from the taps, or eat any fresh salads, or take drinks with ice cubes, lest we fall ill. Things there are really affordable! I went with S$30, and I still had about S$4 when I came home, even after spending money on desserts, snacks, a very filling dinner, and a scrumptious breakfast in the room! Hotel staff are really hospitable, and they made sure we were well taken care off.

Val and I operated the same flight again, and she went out the next day with 2 other ladies to sight-see. I stayed in, and went out alone in the afternoon. When I got out of the hotel, I had a shock. I didn't see any women at all, NONE. And, being the only woman on the street, I got followed, got stared at, got pestered by taxi drivers trying to bring me around for shopping. So, I got freaked out and didn't tour further than the street I was on. Sigh.

*****

It was Val's birthday on our way back to SIN, so I wished her twice, once in Singapore time and one Pakistan time.

I LOVE YOU BABE! Hope you had a real enjoyable birthday! Thanks for always being there, and I'm so gonna miss you on my flights.

*****

Qian called me from Dhaka, and we spent a good almost-two hour chat on the phone. The phone bill's crazily high, but nothing's too much or too expensive for a dear friend.

I'm glad you called, babe.

*****

It's funny how we always term it "women's intuition", when a woman gets this naggy feeling about something and it comes out true.

I had this same feeling a couple of days back, but I don't dare to know if my so-called intuition is true or not.

Even if it's true, there's nothing I can do about it.

*****

And...

No, you can't love two people at the same time.

Finally... updates....

Sorry for the delayed update. Was too lazy to edit any photos, and with Photoshop working SLOW (I repeat, DOUBLY SLOW) on my Windows, it took me practically the whole night to edit the freaking photos!!!

And so I decided to work on my iBook, and I think, I overloaded too many photos at a go... and... I think it kinda crashed.

I hope my iBook's still surviving, thing is, it's not starting up. And I'm worried. Cos I never backed up anything in there. I should, right? Was procrastinating the backup thingy. ARGH! It just had to happen at this time! IDIOT!

Yeah. I'm rambling cos it's 6 am and I am nowhere near sleepy.

-------

Sydney

Went to Sydney on my first solo flight, and good thing for me, Val happened to do the next flight to Sydney as well. So we met up, and then Selwyn came down to show us around!

We went to this place called "Pancakes on the Rocks" for brunch, and it was YUMMY. Ok, I'm a sucker for desserts, but then it was really cheap and good! Sel was very sweet to have spent his whole day with us, doing all the tourist-y things like taking photos, ooo-ing and aah-ing at stuffs...



Kinda hoping to go back to Sydney again soon though.

*****

Beijing

And then it was Beijing.

Met up with Fat and we went to have a great scrumptious dinner which cost less than S$20! Where could you get such a good deal? Things are pretty cheap in Beijing, but I didn't get to do much shopping cos I slept the afternoon away before I met him.

It was great catching up with him over dinner... it seemed like such a long while since we had a heart-to-heart talk. Good to see that he's moving on well, and settling well into the city.

Still, Fat, we miss you and hope you are coming back soon!



And, oh oh!, Fat made a jigsaw picture of him and I, with some really nice touching words.

Thank you for being there for me always too, bro. Thank you for always supporting me.

*****

London

Just got back from London on Friday morning. London was... well, wet. It was COLD and raining almost every hour! Val, Dora and I went on this flight together, and once we settled into the hotel, I called Kelly up in her room and made her come to my room to chat. I really miss having them around.

London was good for sight-seeing. Next morning, Val and I hopped on the Big Bus and went around town. A "coffee-break" (cos we were freezing in the wind) ended up a long shopping spree where I finally managed to find my winter jackets and Val spent a bomb on caps, bags and what-nots. We watched Phantom of the Opera (Original London cast) and were struggling to stay awake through the whole show cos we were just too tired. But the musical was lovely, lovely. I would love to watch it again, but I guess my next show in London would be perhaps Les Miserables or Stomp!

Dora had a friend, Jeff, join us when we were on standby in the hotel. So the four of us did nothing but played cards in the room, ate cup noodles and dilly-dallied around. Luckily dinner was a longer break, and we went down to Marks & Spencer's and I almost went crazy deciding what to buy from there. I LOVE THE COUS COUS THERE!!! it was SUPERB.

Ok, my iBook failed on me at this point, and I had to re-edit the photos from my PC. So... I got lazy and just decided to put up these few pics.




*****

Next month's roster looks promising. Hoping to go more places and save up for my future plans....

*****

I'm keeping my fingers crossed on my iBook. I've tons of pics in there and I haven't backed up.

Pray hard for me.

I just want...

Qian sent me an sms the other day... "i want a decent, very good looking and very rich man who loves me. is that asking too much?"

Me too. Just that I don't really need a very good looking or very rich man. Just... decent, and loves me alot.

Is that too much?

*****

Been lazy to edit pictures from my first few flights, but it was fun.

Off to London tomorrow.. I promise a full run-through of all my flights! With pics! when I come back that is.

Love ya all.

*****

Updated (after Qian read what I wrote):

~:Qian:~ says: (10:59:16 PM)
like the perfect guy never exists u noe

~:Qian:~ says: (10:59:25 PM)
and even if he does im not lucky enough to have him


She's my new philosopher.

Feelings...

I hate the way I'm feeling now. I'm feeling... hurt... sad... lost... envious... and perhaps.. jealous?

I hate ambiguity in anything.

I'm not supposed to feel this way, am I?

Why why why why why?

My "P" plate is on again...

Tomorrow is my doomsday. My first solo flight. To Sydney... Hopefully things turn out well, and I don't get into trouble.

Hesitant, nervous, and worried... But I am not going to let it get to me!!! ARGH!

Oh, the furniture came today, and I had fun shifting around stuffs in my room. My stuffs are still very messiy packed, but... at least it's neater and nicer. I have a TV corner and a sleeping place! WOO HOO!! Er.. wanted to take pictures and put up, but... you know... messy... *heh heh*

So I was bored last night and was just surfing online, and read someone's blog from *gasp* her first entry to current. Thankfully it wasn't years and years of history... Funnily, I could relate very much to her relationship... and in a way, I guess I am somewhat like her, past and present.

It's scary how a relationship can be so fragile... At some point, one party will forget why he or she fell in love with the partner, and perhaps will disregard and take for granted the other party's feelings.

Yet it feels good to be crazily in love, that rush of adrenaline when your lips touch, that tingling feeling you get when his fingers run down your back...

Oh well.

Love hurts eh?

Odd odd..

It's already near 4am and yet I am still very much awake. It's been a boring Friday night, with my plans to go see Eligible Bachelors at MOS cancelled cos I just didn't have the energy to go swoon at men. So Val and Amin called, and demanded that I joined them for coffee, and again, I was plain lazy. Then my dear Jacob called, to join him for drinks at MS, and then again, I didn't want to go because... I was tired. And then I stayed home to play with Charcoal. And blogged. And watched TV. And ate ice cream.

Then the weirdest thing happened.

Despite the hurt, I still very much want to care for him as a friend. In any case, we were good friends before we were together. I asked after him. He was fine, apart from his ever-rising credit card bills. He's stopped clubbing for a while so that he could get his finances in check. Relationship is ok, apart from the normal misgivings and stuffs. And he feels more like an island.

I told him I was really tired and wanted to go home. He reeked of alcohol and I offered to drive him home safely, but he declined. Yet he didn't seem like he wanted to go home.

Perhaps ultimately, I'm just a replacement for someone in everyone's lifes. Perhaps you will never love me as much as you loved her then or perhaps now, or maybe I can never be that special someone who can be part of your life. Worst still, I can never be as good as who I am replacing.

Pain. Pain is an addiction I can never rid myself of. An addiction so strong, I could stab myself over and over again. Morbid, yes, but it's the only thing that reminds me of my sole existence.

My purpose on earth? To fill up that void someone left.

Yes, that's who I'll always be. A replacement, no less.

I wish I can be the special one though
The one you think of before you sleep
The one you think of when you walk down the streets
I wish I can be the one to walk you through
The one who stays on when the road gets tough
The one who hangs on when things go rough
I want to be the one at the altar with you
The one who says she'll live her life with you
The one whom you want to live your life with.

Graduation.... I'm a full-fledged cabin crew!

And so, graduation was on Wednesday.

The skit went on well, and judging from the laughs, the audience quite enjoyed it. Thanks to Louis for coordinating and doing almost everything, to Val for helping out with the music and stuffs, to Jacob for helping to push people to work, to Darren for putting up a good act despite the fact that he was sick, to Kelly for being the loan shark, to Dora and Meera for arranging the food, and the rest for making this grad a success.

I was kinda upset that after graduation everyone just left without a proper goodbye or such. I guess this only shows how bonded our batch is. Especially in the last few weeks, things got a little... out of hand.. and lots of unhappiness surfaced.

Ah well, I was the Best Trainee for my batch, and I delivered my last minute speech in stutter. It's been a long while since I last delivered a speech, and I still think it's easier to write a speech for someone else than for myself.

(As I am typing this entry, Charcoal is farting... in his sleep. POTENT farts. And I figure I will die by morning by poisoning.)

I was cleaning up my room and I found this little pocket daily calendar that I used to write notes in when I was at Mandarin, and I read through what I wrote. I recorded things he did which made me really happy, and things which made me upset... somehow, I couldn't remember how I felt about him in the past. I could remember what we did, what we said, but I just can't remember how I felt then. Me thinks it's weird how someone can disappear from your life totally when he used to be your world in the past. I haven't heard from him in a long while, nor heard news about him. It doesn't matter anyway I guess.

So we're starting to fly soon... and a lot of things will change. Perhaps the group of us Chinks will lose contact with one another, but I really hope we can still keep in contact for as long as possible. Yeap yeap.

I wanna put up pics, but I'm so lazy and my eyes are so dry they threaten to pop out of the sockets.

Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow.

Sweetened pleasures...

Word of advice to all: Don't hang out in the MRT station near closing. Why? THE FREAKING IRRITATING ANNOUNCEMENT kept going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.... and when the station is empty, the announcement comes on EXTREMELY loud. Argh. It's now stuck in my head.

And then while watching Munich, my jet lag got the better of me and I fell asleep during the whole show. I've been wanting to watch the show ever since I saw its trailer!!!

I'm such a sleepyhead.

Was outside Meritus Mandarin, and I couldn't help but think back on the times I was working there. I miss working in the hotel industry. The times we tolled till late night, the days of handling projects and events, meeting up with journalists and guests, working with my crazy girls, the colleagues from the other departments... Sigh.

Charcoal has been sniffing around in my room for tissue paper and food. I think it's time I clear up the messy room. Yawn. I'm soooooooooooo sleepy and lazy.

Need to go Ikea to grab my shelves and cupboards.

Ah well, I'm going out to meet the ladies. Laters!

Ogenki desu-ka?

Ohayo!

I got back from Osaka yesterday evening... pretty nice place to shop and walk around, save for the cold winter weather. Till now, I am still very much undecided whether I like or dislike winter. Will be flying off to Melbourne again tomorrow morning.. hopefully I can stay awake throughout the flight.

The team I just flew with was really really nice. Many of them gave me a lot of invaluable advice, and I am very grateful for their care and concern. I hope that everyone I fly with will be like them. (heh, heh)

My sore eyes haven't fully healed. It got pretty bad during my flight, and I almost had to be removed off duty. The worse thing is, I couldn't go for my pool session and had to postpone my diving trip next weekend. This sucks. Stupid sore eyes.

I can't help but feel a little apprehensive about whether I have made the right choice to be in this line. True enough, I am enjoying the travelling, and the work isn't really that bad actually. But I just dont know what I should make of this job, or career, if that is ever going to happen.

And then, what's with everyone, from taxi drivers to buddies, trying to introduce their sons, friends, brothers, whatevers to me? Not that I can get any guy at the flick of my wrist, but then, I definitely think I don't need much help with getting hitched right? Thanks for all the effort though. If I need help, I know who to find. You all should really start some matchmaking agency really.

And I just chipped my nail polish. (*&*&@#&%^^

Off to bed soon.

It feels really nice sometimes to have someone to care for...

Me, myself and I

I declared Saturday as a "Myself Day". After sending Charcoal to the groomer's in the morning, I went to the doctor's to check up on my very sore and disgustingly red left eye. After which, I went to do a French manicure that didn't survive the day cos... it looked out of sorts.

Then it was to Wisma to get my regular moisturiser and stuffs, to catch up with Serene for a while, a bit of shopping, then when I found out that Alex was in town dyeing his hair, I popped by to get a haircut too. Which, no one realised.

My sore eye condition was pretty bad, to the extent I was offered tissue paper cos some nice guy thought I cried. How very pathetic.

Today was a so-so day... I've been feeling all prick-ish, getting irritated at the smallest stuffs. In fact, I've been like this since Friday. Argh. I hope this floats away soon. Sorry to those who have been suffering the brunt of my prickiness (if there ever is such a word).

I'm so sleepy but yet I have to wait for the nails to fully dry. Argh.

Graduation's coming soon and I really hope things will turn out fine.

Night world.

So my iBook is back....

and $252 is gone from my bank account.

But I am happy. I have my baby back with me! Yoo HOOO!

Training is soon coming to a close.. and I will soon have to part from my batchmates. Having mixed feelings... as much as I look forward to earning a proper income, I know for sure I will miss the fun I've had with my batch. The friendships made over these few months... I hope they are strong enough to last as long as they can go.

Sigh.

I wonder how life is gonna be like once I start flying.

Thinking of moving out to stay, and mum has been asking me if my plans to live out for a while is concrete.

Pictures from my mini birthday party!


wishing and hoping...


Crazy Val and I


Kelly, me, and Val testing out Jacob's new vibration-less N90

And so it has come and gone....

Yes... I am now officially 24 years of age. Still young, still young. I am not even at my quarter-life crisis.

Had a great day today, apart from the training that I struggled hard to stay awake at. My batchmates were very sweet, and we celebrated my birthday at Swensons'... makes me feel young again. Thanks to my dearest Val, Kelly, Louis, Jacob, Vincent and Darren!

And after that, it was salsa class. Argh. I haven't attended salsa classes for a while, and I'm pretty lost to the steps and moves. I'm too dependent on the men's leads. It was fun though...

And so now I'm no longer the birthday princess. My carriage, according to Val, has turned back into the pumpkin it once was.

On another note, I'm thinking of going diving. As in, learn how to dive first. Anyone interested in joining me? Most probably from 10 to 12 Mar. Sms me if you're keen!

Happy birthday...

Yes, happy birthday to me.

Thanks to friends for all the well-wishes... and Ah fat for that lovely email. It was very nice to open my inbox and see that email waiting for me.

This year is gonna be a real quiet year, compared to last year when I spent my day in the hospital. No wild parties, no crazy celebrations... just... a day to pass.

Sadly, mum forgot my birthday, again. I couldn't help but cry and feel silly about it. Even now as I type, tears are rolling down my face. Anyone can forget my birthday but not her... I feel so lousy.

I know I'm whiny and being a child... but it's my birthday and I can do anything I want today. I'm the queen.

SO THERE!

addiction.

I left my iBook with Apple Care Centre yesterday. It costs $252 to change a freaking keyboard, all because sister here forgot to register my Apple Care.

ARGH!

Dumb ass. Ever know anyone who bought warranty for a product but never registered? Congratulations, you just knew one.

I'm suffering from bad withdrawal symptoms without my iBook. I hope they will hurry up the repair and give me back my baby.

This weekend is a pretty lazy one... alot of sleeping in, and sleeping, and then more sleeping.

I wish I have the answers to the many doubts in my mind, but I just don't. Maybe I don't have the courage to face certain feelings I have, maybe I just want to run away. I know what and how I feel, but yet I don't even know if I should be feeling this way. It's never going to work out in the end, right?

I'm just a great pretender of my life, an actress, a stringed puppet led by others' expectations of me. I hold no right to what I should feel and how I should act.

So long as I'm happy, it doesn't matter right?

When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

What do you think about me?

Click here!

My life is about painting my nails red...

And so I am back from Melbourne.

Again, a great team of crew, all patient and ever willing to lend me a hand and give words of advice... sadly, Kelly and I were too shy to make the request to sit in the cockpit with the tech crew. Darn.

Melbourne was great, with the lovely buildings everywhere and more affordable shopping areas around the hotel. We had fun walking around and getting lost, trying on crazy little sunglasses and weird masks... And it's back to training tomorrow! But before that, I have to write out some flight report.

Was feeling sick after I came back from Seoul, the dizziness and the pukiness didnt go away, even till now. Was to go see the doc's last night, but mum refused to let me drive out. Yawnz. So it's to the doc's later.

Oh, Irene told me that she might be getting married this year!!! I'm so happy for her! It's not everyday you find someone you can share a life with. Congrats dear!

Ah fat managed to get online in Beijing, and I've made not-so-concrete plans to meet him up when I go over there in March. Then I realised I would be there for... say... slightly more than half a day? Shucks. Hope we can still have time for a cuppa.

My dear Q is supposed to be back today, but so far I have yet to receive her sms. Where are you!!!

-----

I received 3 bouquets of flowers this Valentine's day. Funnily, no one asked me out on dates. 1 bouquet of white lilies was from P, the other 2: one rose and one white orchids, were from anonymous people. I absolutely dislike it when people send me things and don't leave names or any contact numbers, because, though it can be fun at times to guess who my mystery senders are, but it's only fun when I have a slight clue to who it might be.. Now I have no freaking clue.

Darn.

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Sometimes I applaud myself for my stupidity.

I was packing my stuffs into boxes because I am about to get new furniture (yay!) and re-do my room a little. Then I realised... I packed all my training notes into the boxes as well, when I need to use them soon.

Yes, and I had to open the boxes and unpack every single thing.

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Ok, I'm finally meeting up with Stella and Angie tonight. It's been.... half a year (???) since we last met up. I'm missing them so much!!!

Hope this giddy spell will run off.

.:emo freak:.

I have this sudden urge to... cry.

Amidst all the laughter and the chirpiness of the group, I just felt... a little out of sorts. I was unable to gather my thoughts, and though I smiled and laughed along, I felt as if I was not within me. Oh well, if you get what I mean.

-----

It is so not easy. I over-estimated myself.

Back from Seoul... Anyung Haseyo!

Just got back from my maiden training flight. Seoul was... well, FREEZING cold. Silly me forgot to bring socks, and didn't really pack well for the cold weather. Lucky for me, Kelly lent me her scarf. I was freezing my toes and ears off while we were out at night, running away from the cold draft and the falling snow.

The flight was alright, I learnt a lot of things, and had a great team with me. I'm thankful for their patience, otherwise I guess I would have already been thrown out of the plane for my lack of speed. It was a big eye-opener for me, into the culture at the airline and the work environment. At times I wonder if I am suited for the job really. But I'll try to enjoy it while it lasts.

Daddy called a couple of times while I was in Seoul. I thought it was pretty sweet of him, considering the fact that he wasn't really warm to the idea of me being in this industry.

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On another note... perhaps it's good that I'm not attached after all. I had time to rethink certain situations that I'm in at the moment. Should I stay or should I leave? Before I fall too deep into it, I think I should make some kind of a decision, no? Or should I leave everything status quo?

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through


Perhaps, I think too much.

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Oh my flight roster is out! I'll be heading for Bangkok, then Narita in Mar, then back home from Japan, and then to Melbourne again. After graduation, I'll be heading to Sydney, and after that to Beijing. Perhaps can meet up with Ah Fat there. Hopefully.

Looking forward to my Melbourne flight coming Sunday somehow.

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I miss... being me.

Random ramblings yet again...

I've been rather random recently.

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Was watching "The Journey of Man" on NatGeo this morning, and Dr Spencer Wells said that it's "kinda" proven that all our ancestors came from Africa. I thought, if this is true, then why are we differentiated by colour? Apparently, our skin changes colour to suit the sun intensity.

I should visit Africa.

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I realised I am fond of talking to myself sometimes. Like this afternoon, I was mumbling something out loud, and this guy stared at me.

I'm psychotic.

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Oh, and by the way, I do not need to be matchmade. Please stop introducing your friends' friends or brothers' friends or anyone who is a third degree friend to me. Do I look that desperate seriously?!!

Yawn.

Argh. I'm going to finish that tub of ice cream sitting in my fridge. Better get it out of the way first. It's an eyesore.