Odd odd..

It's already near 4am and yet I am still very much awake. It's been a boring Friday night, with my plans to go see Eligible Bachelors at MOS cancelled cos I just didn't have the energy to go swoon at men. So Val and Amin called, and demanded that I joined them for coffee, and again, I was plain lazy. Then my dear Jacob called, to join him for drinks at MS, and then again, I didn't want to go because... I was tired. And then I stayed home to play with Charcoal. And blogged. And watched TV. And ate ice cream.

Then the weirdest thing happened.

Despite the hurt, I still very much want to care for him as a friend. In any case, we were good friends before we were together. I asked after him. He was fine, apart from his ever-rising credit card bills. He's stopped clubbing for a while so that he could get his finances in check. Relationship is ok, apart from the normal misgivings and stuffs. And he feels more like an island.

I told him I was really tired and wanted to go home. He reeked of alcohol and I offered to drive him home safely, but he declined. Yet he didn't seem like he wanted to go home.

Perhaps ultimately, I'm just a replacement for someone in everyone's lifes. Perhaps you will never love me as much as you loved her then or perhaps now, or maybe I can never be that special someone who can be part of your life. Worst still, I can never be as good as who I am replacing.

Pain. Pain is an addiction I can never rid myself of. An addiction so strong, I could stab myself over and over again. Morbid, yes, but it's the only thing that reminds me of my sole existence.

My purpose on earth? To fill up that void someone left.

Yes, that's who I'll always be. A replacement, no less.

I wish I can be the special one though
The one you think of before you sleep
The one you think of when you walk down the streets
I wish I can be the one to walk you through
The one who stays on when the road gets tough
The one who hangs on when things go rough
I want to be the one at the altar with you
The one who says she'll live her life with you
The one whom you want to live your life with.