you've got mail!

An sms came in from a dear friend currently in Frankfurt, and it was really sweet and touching, it made me smile...

I am happy for friends who care...

:)

satisfied.

xoxo
jenn

jenn's wisecrack of the day:

It's so much easier to find someone you want to fuck for the rest of your life than someone who will hold your hands for the same lifetime.

wisely yours
Jenn

::sadomasochism::

I never realised I am still capable of feeling such pain after even such a long time. Yet this pain is oddly soothing. Like I used to always say, pain is an addiction, a harsh reminder that I am still human, still alive.

Probably I am the only person I know who always fall for the wrong men, having wrong men fall for me, breaking hearts, mending hearts, a vicious repetitive cycle which only makes me more jaded with each round.

But what is it that I want? I know not the answer.

Then again it hasn't been a factor, because I never bothered about what I want.

*****

The 5 off days have come and almost gone, and finally a team flight with some of the girls. Good to have familiar faces on board, and am going shopping (hopefully) in Narita again.

And... heh heh... when I come back, I'll be going to IKOI for the yummiest japanese buffet! But my darling Jacob says it's not that fantastic. STILL, i like.

Feeling better already... i think.

xoxo,
jenn

stories..

We all have our own stories to tell. Stories of happiness, sadness, love, hate, anger, despair... I remember times when I sat down at roadside cafes, watching the world go by. And I wonder what lies beneath each and every single person who walked down that road that day, who walked into my view. The man who stood at the traffic light looking impatiently at his watch, waiting to cross; the girl biting into a sandwich as she strolled on, stopping as she picked up a call; the young couple laughing as they walked past; the Caucasian man looking puzzled as he stared at the map... I wonder what their stories are, I wonder what they have to tell.

I have my own stories, my own secrets. I'm not ready to share, because words fail me. But if I bare my soul to you, will you listen?

It's ironic how, as someone with prior experience doing marketing and public relations supposedly good with words, it is always difficult for me to put into words about my feelings and what I want. In a way, I never wanted to share how I really feel or what I really want because I don't want to feel too exposed, nor do I want to make someone feel obliged into doing something or changing to suit my likes and expectations. But sharing is a two-way thing... something which I stopped doing since.. a long while ago. And I doubt I'll be doing it again anytime soon.

So. What's your story?

*****

As weird as it sounds, I love the smell of cigarettes in aircon. Probably because it reminds me of my childhood, when Dad used to smoke chimneys. The bedroom always smelt of cigarettes, always smelt of Dad. I've gotten into the habit of lighting up a ciggie whenever I am overseas and let the smell infiltrate into the hotel room (and of course, I do it only if I'm allocated a smoking room), and it just makes me feel a lot at home.

*****

I wonder why when we cry, there's always an aching feeling in the chest. At a time when most people I know are sleeping, I am still wide awake. My tears have dried up and I guess it's time to move on. So long as the people I care for are happy, nothing else kinda matters.

xoxo,
jwnn

Los Angeles.

It was HOT.

Not HOT in the damn-you-should-be-there kinda thing, more I-am-sweating-buckets kinda hot.

Didn't manage to go out as planned with this American guy I met, because I was jet-lagged. Yes, laugh all you want. I thought jet-lag never happens to me, but well, I should be biting my words now. BECAUSE, I reached home at 3am, finally fell asleep at 5am and it was 8am when Charcoal hopped onto my bed and woke me up.

Oh. And a pleasant surprise awaited when i reached home. King Charcoal peed on my bed, leaving a freaking disgusting yellow stain by the time I got home. Luckily the mattress had a protective cover, so I need not discard this %&*(@# expensive queen-sized bed.

So now I am very jet-lagged.

This Tokyo-LA trip was the last team flight for this team that I flew with, and I could feel their sadness at the end of the flight. The crazy drinking session in Tokyo got everyone in laughter with silly antics and all, with the effect of alcohol. At the end of the flight, we took crazy photos outside the gate, and everyone was happy. I really enjoyed this flight, though it was a tad too long away from home. Still, I yearn for more flights with such fun and crazy people. They really make the trip a lot more fun.

*****

Managed to do a little shopping in LA, wanted to visit Orange County, but didn't know how to get there with the vague instructions from the locals, so gave up on the idea. Oh! And I found my favourite chocolate shop in Glendale!!! See's Candies!!! I went in and got a sugar high just by staring at the chocolates.

Well, so the next thing I did was to buy my favourite lollies~!! *heh heh*

On the flight from LA to Tokyo, I met this guy on board who, during our conversation, when he heard I wanted to visit Orange County, gave me his contact details so on my next trip to LA, he could bring me around.

Then in Tokyo, I went in search of the 100 yen shop, and somehow got lost. So with my very limited Japanese, I manage to seek the help of a young couple, and, they brought me all the way there even when they had planned to go elsewhere. So with my "half-past-six" Japanese and their limited English, we had a really weird but funny conversation. Of course, when we reached, they shopped with me as well.

Sigh. Why are Japanese girls so gentle? Makes me feel really unrefined next to them. *sulks*

Ok, so it's off to Tokyo again on the next trip. But this time I'll at least fly with some girls on my team. Why don't I ever get team flights!?

*****

On another note, I'm gonna meet Qian in Shanghai!!! Can't wait to see her again.

Ok, I think I need to at least try to sleep.

It's 10 am.

Stupid jet lags.

xoxo,
jet-lagged jenn

title? what title?!

I wonder what has gotten into me recently.

I was always known as the one without any temper, and used to have the temper of a nun going into recluse (ok, so I don't know what the temper of a nun in recluse is, but you get the drift), and now, I think my temper is as short as the wick of a birthday candle.

So I am having PMS. So I am feeling irritated. So I am feeling grouchy. So what?

Never used to blame my temper on PMS. Never want to. But still, around the doomed day my temper fluctuates. I hate this. But everything around me irks me. Especially... ah well. Forget it.

*****

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok I feel better.

*****

Will be leaving for Narita later, and then to Los Angeles. Back next Wed in the dead of the night.

I want to go drink. I miss drinking wine.

I am suffering from alcohol withdrawal.

Someone save me!

Anal-ly yours,
Jenn

to: you.

I know you read what I write whenever you can.

Please.. let me go.. Don't make me hate you for what you have done.

It wasn't easy for me to let those memories go either, but holding on to them selfishly isn't going to work out for either of us.

Please.

Let me go.

ex-Friends...

I know of many who can remain good friends with their ex-es.

I wonder why I haven't been able to. Is it my fault that things turned out this way? Did I make things bad for him and I?

Really envy those who are still chummy with the ex-es. He was a really close friend of mine, and the fact that we're no longer friends kind of triggered some sadness in me.

Ah well. Life goes on.

Will be away in Amritsar (if you don't know where it is, go Google Earth it out) later, and back early Saturday morning.

xoxo
jenn

(edit: I just read this, and I dare say it just summed up what I am feeling.)

Another personality test....

Well.... Qian passed me this link and i found it pretty accurate....

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

My life is...

... full of lies.

I hate liars.

*****

Why? Why? Why?

It hurts and yet it doesn't.

I'm confused and yet not.

*****

You're slowly losing me.

*****

I so wanna be loved.


xoxo,
jenn

Murphy's Law is....

... just a big fat silly disclaimer.

xoxo,
jenn

finally home.. once again.

I'm finally home from Moscow.. and well, it's been a really good trip with a bunch of very fun crew. Got a call which made me really upset, not over him, but how he still feels that he could manipulate me with his words..

But tired... need sleep.

Happened to hear this song which... reminded me of myself...

::Iris:: by GooGoo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you,
'Cause I know that you feel me some how.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
And sooner or later it's over,
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am......