Fuck the title (inspiration from Gigi)

I am the one who fucking is down with flu and now gastric and can't fucking understand why I am in so much agony.

'nuff said.

I am still... alive.

Pardon my disappearance..

Been down, and still am down, with a bout of bad bad flu.

Feeling rather lousy and lazy and soft and jelly at the moment.

But still managed to drag myself out yesterday for a photoshoot, then to meet some friends.

And pulled myself out for a business meeting this afternoon, before heading to class in the evening.

I must have looked so pathetic, my client actually offered flu pills after listening to me sniff and cough for about one hour.

Now here I am, still down with flu, feeling as sleepy as ever.

Time for bed.

Exams are over!

Finally, the exams are over and done with.

Cool, I managed to finish a 3-hour paper in 1.5 hours, and am down with flu.

Don't ask why, but I always fall sick during exams.

Must be, because, I hate exams. You know when little children have stomachaches before exams due to stress or something? I have flu and fever every 3 months. Yeah. But I'm not stressed enough to want to study for the exams.

So now that I'm done with exams...what should I do? Maybe pinch Charcoal's tail. Heee... or perhaps not, later he will fart in my face again.

By now you should realise that... I am very bored after the exams. I can't do anything much, because, I'm ill and I don't feel like doing anything. I've been home for a while, but I could not get to sleep.

Had a weird dream last night, about him.

Had a weird thought just now, about work.

Have a freaking headache now.

Someone asked me about the lack of pictures on my blog. I'm lazy to upload them.

Someone asked me about the lack of men in my life. But...,I whimper, majority of the friends I have are males!

Exams are over, and I can get to enjoy some rest before the new term starts.... this Thursday. (What holidays huh!!)

And as a tradition that I hold at the start of every term...Resolution building!

I shall be more hardworking next term.

Yes. I will try to be.

Update from NUS

Time now is 5.39pm.

Yan is chatting, Sam is eating, and I am playing games online.

Productive, I say. Productive. Studying is good. Exams are good.

All about sex.

GOTCHA!!

I just couldn't think of any title for this entry.

Tomorrow's my last exam for this term, and I'm feeling lazy about studying. OK. So I feel lazy before, during and after exam period. But the thought of having 85 MCQ and just 2 short answer questions is kinda making me feel that the paper will not be that tough after all! I mean, how wrong can you go with MCQs? It's just an answer out of 5 choices.

Er.. I think I better not be too complacent.

-----

My phone rang at 3am. I jumped up from sleep, and wandered to the phone. The number looked familiar. It was him. Again, in his drunken state. Or so he claimed. I didn't know what to say to him, he said he didn't know why he called, and he knew he shouldn't...

He told me he drank a bottle of Chivas.

I asked him where his other half and friends were.

He said he didn't know.

I didn't know what else to say then, and till now, I still don't know how I feel towards him. Should I hate him? Should I love him still? Should I still remember him? Should I forget him? Should he still remain a friend? Should I erase him from my list of friends?

I doubt he'd ever remember making that call after he's sober.

I still don't know how I feel.

-----

I am now at NUS, and for the past 1 hour that I have been here, I ... er... haven't started studying. I was busy oogling clearing folders, and emails and now, blogging.

BAH.

Exam time is the only time I sleep the most.

I love exams.

j'etudie pour mes examens d'universite

(I'm studying for my university exams)

I hate studying, especially when it's the last lap to getting the degree, and I now have absolutely no interest in wanting to study.

Tomorrow's my French test, Saturday's my International Marketing exam, then Monday my Advanced E-commerce.

Till now, I have no freaking idea why I wanted to hop on this paper chase. Waste of my time and money. Perhaps a degree can really get me far, but I still believe in experience and brains.

Argh.

I'm just whining for the sake of whining.

One good thing out of this whole thing... Our painstakingly compiled International Marketing project earned us a distinction, and I believed my ground did the best out of the whole class (which doesn't make up a lot of students... but still...) I'm so proud of our work!

But Advanced e-commerce ... I'm surprised the tutor gave me quite high marks for class participation. Perhaps all that yakking in class has done some good.

Alrighty. Gotta go mug for exams. again. ARGH.

Bar @ Buena Vista

Firstly, before I start blogging, about the modelling thing... I am not the typical model, tall and slim. I'm modelling my BUTT only. Cos it's BIG. hahahahaha...

Been pretty busy with the projects, and FINALLY, I've submitted the final assignment for this module. Hope I won't flunk *keeping fingers, toes, nipples crossed.*

By the way, I just found out that he disappeared. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? WHERE DID YOU GO TO!? Just because I forced you to date me doesn't mean you have to run away like that!

Last night, I went out with Qian, a spunky young lady I got to know through an interview a couple of months back. We went to watch the show Bar @ Buena Vista and it was GREAT! Not to mention her company. Makes me want to do salsa more...

She's leaving Singapore for working opportunities abroad... for a while... and I'm so glad for her. =) Hope everything will go well, and she will get to realise her dream. Really enjoyed your company, babe!

Okie, I'm off to bed, haven't been sleeping for a couple of days. Laters!

-_-"

I am now at the airport, waiting to see a friend off, came early because I want to gawk at handsome pilots study and have a peaceful dinner. Feel young eh! So many little students are here studying. I am young again!

The modelling agency I am working on a freelance basis called me.

J: "Jennifer, we need you for an assignment. Would you be free to come down for the audition on xxxday? Around 5pm?"
Me: "Ah, shouldn't be a problem. I'm reporting to you or to Vonne?"
J: "Can find me lah, no problem one. But... er... you... lost... erm, toned up yet?"
Me (I knew this was coming): "Ah... I think so lah. But hor, not sure also. C'est pas probleme, oui? (it's not a problem right?)"
J: "Not really lah, but just come down ok, and I'm looking for a Singaporean model, not French. Try to lose more weight lah. Butterfly arms not in vogue yet. haha!!!"

...........

Evil J.

He reads my blog though. I hope he falls down the stairs. No more chocolates for him.

Speaking of chocolates, I bought some Willy Wonka chocolates! I'm going to win the Golden Ticket! YIPPIE!!!

On another note, I flunked my first assignment for this module I'm currently taking. Sigh. Feeling rather... upset about it. But my fault for not putting in more effort lah.

Mugging time.

c.o.m.p.l.a.i.n.

Gigi said she's never seen me complain before.

My dear, you're gonna ever regret saying this sentence.

Actually I have a lot of things to complain about. In fact, I wake up every morning and make a list of things that I have to complain about before the day is over.

I wanna comprain about the gahmen, cannot, cos later gahmen send police come catch me. So one less thing to complain.

I wanna comprain about my friends, cannot, cos later friend link friend all link to me and they find out. So one less thing to complain.

I wanna comprain about mad drivers on the road, but cannot, cos sometimes I also drive like mad. So one less thing to complain.

I wanna comprain about my dog, but cannot, cos later Charcoal will find out and he will torture me by farting in my face (again) when I am sleeping. So one less thing to complain.

I wanna comprain about boyfriend, but cannot, cos I have no boyfriends in the first place to start with. Haha! So one less chunk to complain.

I wanna comprain about men, but cannot, cos there are just too many things about them to comprain about, and I have too many male friends, so later I kena. So, one more less thing to complain about.

I wanna comprain about my stupid projects and how I hate them so, but cannot, cos by the time I finish complaining, I would have no time to do my projects, then I got to complain about how unfair the system is, not letting us have enough time to do the darn project, and then it will drag the results for my projects, and then I will not be able to take my exams, and then I will waste a freaking $3000 on this term just because I complained about my projects. So... one two three a few less things to complain.

Then I look through my list and realise that there are no more things to complain about.

So how?

I think I shall comprain about Gigi. Say what never hear me complain, then I had to show her I actually complain, and now I wasted time doing this blog entry instead of doing my darned project which is so freaking boring and a waste of time.

BAH.

Haunting thoughts...

I had nightmares last night, dreams which came to haunt me all over again.

----------

This morning, when my handphone beeped, his face popped into my mind. I had a feeling that it would be him, but then I thought, nah, can't be. He'd never sms me ever. And when I saw his number, I froze.

He apologised for not being able to have the chance to speak to me last evening.

It's rather... cordial. I didn't know what to reply, but I still did.

Yes, familiar strangers we are. Simple acquaintances.

je suis fatigue. Tres fatigue.

I saw him once...then he was gone.

I went out with some of our mutual friends today, never expecting him to turn up, for he always doesn't appear for gatherings. Today, was an exception. And when I heard he would be coming, I felt... weird.

When I saw him, I didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think, and so I did nothing.

He made no effort to want to speak to me too.

When he left, I couldn't even bring myself to look at him to say goodbye. Cos I felt that he wouldn't bother.

I don't know how I felt then, it was a mix of all emotions. But I felt the pain when he left me then, when he came back into my life briefly, when I had to deal with what I went through alone. Unpleasant memories which I tried hard to push to the back of my mind came hitting at me as if it happened just yesterday.

Funny how, from being close lovers, we've now drifted to being just... strangers on the road.

Yet the same question is always etched in my mind. Will he ever remember the times we had?

I guess it will always remain unanswered.

You know...

... one day I'm going to die with my eyes dried and out of their sockets, while sitting in front of the darned computer.

It is already 3 am and...

Ma mere dort, mon chien dort, et mon frère n'est pas à la maison.
(My mother is sleeping, my dog is sleeping, and my brother is not home.)

I just burnt some lavendar oil and I guess I will be dozing off pretty soon.

Been thinking, and asking my lecturers from poly if I should consider taking up a degree from Le Cordon Bleu, to get my Master of Arts in Gastronomy.

I love food & wine alot, and have strong interest in that field. I don't wish to take too long to start on a career, and I think I've done enough spending on studies.

But yet, I wish to do all the studying I want before my desire to learn burns out.

It seems a lot feasible to work for a couple of years, before I take on the Masters degree. I can choose to do the degree online, but the on-campus experience would be a lot more beneficial for my future prospects.

Confused, confused, confused.

By the time I finish my degree, which would take another 1.5 years, I would be nearing 26, with no experience, or rather, outdated experience in my resume. I would be far, far, far behind my peers.

Do I have to give this up, just like how I gave up pursuing my love for music?

The calming effects of the lavendar has kicked in. Time for bed, finally.

J'aime Français

French lessons are going great! I know how to ask a French guy for his télephone numéro, and can take down his number with ease. Soon, I will be able to propose, and also ask if he’s rich.

I. am. joking.

Pascal (moi Français professeur) said something which tickled some of us pretty much today. “Some French don’t even know basic Singlish!” he wailed.

So, being the-bored-me-with-tons-of-projects-but-no-mood-to-do-them, here goes:

Welcome to Singlish 101

In Basic Singlish, you will learn in a duration of 1 hour:

• Introduction to the signature word lah


• The four tones of lahs, and what lah in each tone means.


• How to use the word lah effectively, as an affirmative statement, and as an expression.


• Affirmative: “He’s there, lah...” (2nd tone, drag)


• Expression: “What! lah” (4th tone)


• How to punctuate your sentences with lah (maximum 3 in a sentence)


• “Ok lah, I will tell him lah, you don’t need to worry lah.”


• When to use the word lah

Intermediate Singlish (2 hours) will bring you through to the culture and history of Singlish.

• Introduction to culture and history of Singlish


• Introduction to words leh, lor, hu, kiasu, shiok boh, kiasee.


• Singlish Grammar


• How to pronounce sh-, ch-, th- as s, c, t respectively

Advanced Singlish (3 hours) will teach you conversational Singlish, where there will be a student internship at the kopitiam*

• Planned excursions to kopitiams in the vicinity


• Final exam: A successful conversation of 30 minutes with the customers at the selected kopitiam

*kopitiam: Coffeehouse

Oui, so there you have it.

I am kinda smart, no?

Congratulations, Jennifer!
Your IQ score is 129

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

*ahem*, wanted to put up the link for you to test out your IQ here, but, heh, I...er..forgot the site address, and I'm lazy to go search.

Just live with the fact that I'm brainy.

I'm pretty baffled.

Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans pretty badly, yet the local media coverage on the situation is kinda just touch-and-go.

I've been watching CNN to catch up with the news, and it is sad that in such dire circumstances, the ugly side of mankind prevails. Accounts of rape, violence, mere senseless killing, these aren't things you would expect in a catastrophe. Yet perhaps, you may argue that Katrina isn't huge enough to be deemed one. The whole city was... gone. Babies and children die of exhaustion, adults kill themselves and one another out of fear and who knows what other reasons.

Perhaps I am ignorant of the rescue operations there, but it seems to me that, compared to the Tsunami incident, the rescue ops are a lot slower. And sadly, no one here in Singapore seems to care a hoot about it.

The people need food and water, amongst many other things. And... a lot more.

If you would like to help the Red Cross or the State of Louisiana in their operations, please visit:

Red Cross Katrina Help Now
The Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation

A little amount will go a long, long way.

To follow up with the news, please visit CNN.

The world is our home.

WHY!!

I brought it upon myself.

I just had to surf the net, read blogs, instead of doing my darned project.

Yeah yeah yeah, I saw my name on his entry, and thought, can't be that suay lah, and when my mouse hovered across that name, I saw my url.

BAH.

Se7en things that (will) scare me
1. Horror flicks - read my entries below.
2. Losing people dear to me.
3. Losing Charcoal.
4. Insects which fly.
5. Losing my memory.
6. Faintly lit hotel corridors.
7. No money for wine drinking. (GASP!)

Se7en things i like the most
1. Chocolates.
2. Cheesecakes/ cheese
3. Wines.
4. Playing the piano.
5. Musicals, literature exhibitions.
6. Reading, reading, reading
7. Good music.

Se7en most important things in my room
1. iBook
2. bed
3. my pc
4. TV
5. magazines
6. wardrobe
7. photographs

Se7en random facts about me
1. I can sing and dance pretty well, only if you're deaf and blind (joking)
2. I love dogs, cats, tiger cubs, lion cubs, etc.
3. I love drinking.
4. I need to exercise.
5. I have run out of random facts about me, cos there are just too many interesting things about me.
6. I am actually very cute.
7. I can make a good girlfriend, wife, daughter-in-law, granddaughter-in-law, sister-in-law...

Se7en things I plan to do before I die
1. Go backpacking in Europe (again), or travel more.
2. Spout French while snogging a French man Know more friends from other nationalities.
3. Work in other countries.
4. Do more volunteer work, in Singapore, or other places.
5. Own a bar.
6. Have a successful and high-flying career.
7. If I don't get a successful career, then get married, have 2 kids, and be a tai-tai

Se7en things I can do
1. Laugh at and make fun of myself.
2. Do a back flip, in slow motion.
3. Do the salsa, latin cha-cha-cha, and waltz. (not pro, but enough to last 5 min)
4. Read upside down.
5. Love with all my heart.
6. Forgive people who've hurt me.
7. multitask.

Se7en things I can't do
1. Forget.
2. stand people who think the world revolves around them.
3. stand liars.
4. drink upside down.
5. splits.
6. wakeboard.
7. hold a cockroach in my hand.

Se7en things I say the most
1. fuck.
2. cool?
3. Alrighty
4. Bah
5. I'm busy now.
6. sian
7. No time no time.

Se7en celeb crushes
1. Brad Pitt
2. George Clooney
3. Ryan Seacrest
4. Utt
5. Robbie Williams
6. Johnny Depp
7. John Travolta

Se7en people I'll love to see doing this
(Sucks when I don't have many people reading)
1. Gigi
2. Qian *heh heh heh*
3. Callandor Be a sport ok..
4. Bui
5. Ben
6. Sharon
7. Raphael

*note to self: I should never be distracted from doing my projects again.*

Brrr...

Sometimes when Charcoal sleeps, he would toss and turn about, and then his front legs will be in a weird pose.

I wonder if he dreams, and what he dreams about.

How I wish I could know.

I could write down my dreams, my thoughts, but Charcoal... the only way we communicate with him would be through his whines, his reactions and actions.

I wonder if he loves us as much as we love him. I wonder if he knows.

I wonder if he complains to the other dogs whenever he meets them at the Dog Run on Sundays.

I wonder if he misses us when we're not around.

I wonder how it's like to be him.

~~~~~~

I read Gigi's post on her accident and it brought back a very scary memory. I was lucky to not have gone through the exact same tormenting experience as her, but it was enough to scare me shitless. (Now I know why I am constantly constipated.)

Couple of years ago, J asked me out for supper, as he was feeling lousy and needed someone to talk to. He came and picked me up in his new Subaru, and we went for a drive.

After supper at Al-Ameen (Bukit Timah), we decided to go on ECP cos I adore the night scene of Raffles Place/ City Hall there. But well, that bugger wasn't in the right mind to really drive. Upset lah, what to do? And I was still learning how to drive then, so I couldn't offer to drive. We got on ECP, and then suddenly he stepped on the accelerator and the whole car jerked forward. I looked at him, and his eyes were affixed on the road. His knuckles turned white from gripping the car steering wheel, and I lost my tongue. I still remember that lurching feeling I had, (how to admire night scene like that huH! Saw nothing but a blur!) and I asked if he were ok in a meek voice. He didn't hear, and went on speeding. I guess I was really freaked out, not by the speed at he was driving, but by the look in his eyes. I grabbed the seat tightly, and closed my eyes, tears threatening to fall.

Then I think he saw my face and suddenly slowed his car. (Now that I think about it, it must be because of the speed camera near the Fort Road exit. Bugger, and I thought he cared about me.) I cried, he cried, and we decided to go home and cry.

That incident made me realise how fragile life is, and how a moment of foolishness can turn into a lifetime of regret. I still like speeding in my car once in a while, but it is always only after the drive that I would feel that it was dangerous, and not during the ride.

Just hope nothing happens to me man. I don't want my friends to eat curry chicken under my block. (Touch wood!)

Ok, enough of nonsense.

Au demain~