i give up.

I give up waiting for nicely rostered flights. The only good thing about the new roster is that I will be going down to Moscow. Sad thing, that I won't be going on flights with my team, and can't go out with my newly found travel companion.

Heading down to Sydney tomorrow... wonder what the flight would bring. I hope I survive tomorrow well.

Probably still feeling a little dejected about the new roster.

*****

Got tricked by the IFS on the previous sector from Shanghai, and was given the name Little Miss Naive on board.

I should really stop taking what people say at face value, huh?

*****

Met up with the 853 guys last night for a short dinner in Marina South and drinks at Cosy Bay. Brought back memories which I tried to fight back.


Vincent, Darren, Jacob & I

I miss training with the gang.

*****

I really should be sleeping now, as it's an early reporting tomorrow. But I just can't get to sleep.

I'm such a melancholic person, and I have a lot of memories inside me. Everytime I chance upon something that played a role in my life before, I would think of the past.

*****

I really shouldn't feel so attached.

*****

Was just chatting with Ah Fat, and in whatever relationship, it takes two hands to clap, both parties to make the effort to make things work. But, like I told him, as we grow older, somehow we put in less effort into making something work out. And then it comes the part on expectations. I don't know if I can live up to someone's expectation of me, and I wonder if I sometimes expect too much from someone, or anyone.

*****

Sometimes u need to just open ur heart a bit,
it's tough la.. esp after what u have gone thru.

I wish I could. I can't wear my heart on my sleeve, and get hurt all over again. I'm a coward. Life is about taking risks, but love is not a risk I think I can take.

xoxox,
jenn

crossroads..

I've got loads to say and yet I don't know what to say.

Laters. Woke up early and now got to prepare to bring Charcoal out for grooming.

xoxox,
jenn

the song which brought back memories...

From The Heart - Another Level

I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before.
And you've been hurting so your heart has chose to close the door.
Love broke your heart and brought you lies.
Look in my eyes, you'll see a love thats deep and true.
Tender and strong and all for you.
You can trust this love
Honest, that's the honest truth

Chorus

From the heart I'm giving you everything, everything
From the heart I promise you that I'll be there
I'll be there to love you
From the soul I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel is,
From the heart, from the heart.

I will protect you and respect you and be all you need.
And when you reach for love you only need to reach for me.
These arms will never let you down.
Theyre staying around.
I'll walk with you through every storm.
I'll keep you save I'll keep you warm.
And you'll have no doubt.. you're the one I'm living for.

I'll provide the love you need.
Just trust my touch, believe in me.
I'll never make you cry.
Give it all I got, with all I've got inside.

*****

Lost.

xoxox
Jenn

questions... without answers.

Him: You're seeing someone now?
Me: ??
Him: Is he good to you?
Me: Why ask?
Him: I still care, you know?
Me: Thanks for your concern.
Him: Do you love him?
Me: How, or rather, why should I answer that?
Him: How do you put down the past?
Me: Just like how you found someone new.
Him: Do you miss me?
Me: Does it really matter?
Him: Yes. Cos, I still miss you at times.

painting the town red...

... I wish. All that I am painting red are my nails.

Barely recovered from my bout of flu and went off to Taipei on Friday. Taipei was terrific! Jacob gave me a buzz in my room and tried to trick me with his lousy joke, and went up to his room to accompany him while he prepared for flight.

Met up with Shu'e, Huihui and Minghsia who were already there for the past 5 days and bummed in my room before we went on our eating and shopping spree in Shih Lin Night Market. I wanted to splurge on shoes but I was too spoilt for choice. We ate a lot, and walked down the streets before we headed back to Ximen Ding for a break.

I woke up in the morning with a fever and flu which had gone worse. Managed to work my way back to Singapore with a dripping tap in place of my nose. But the load was light, so there wasn't much of a problem.

Then it was meeting my lovely Qian, who came back from Doha for a short break. At Wala's, we bitched over alcohol, laughed at our own little experiences with different people, shared our life stories and our little comments about work. I wish she wasn't so far away, but then again, probably our distance apart made us really close friends today. Really love having her back, and I look forward to seeing her again sooN!!!

*****

Every country I go, I tend to buy more books to add to my collection of unread books. I think I should stop this "unhealthy" habit.

A photo collage I put together in a hurry....



*****

Can someone really love more than one person at a time? I hope not. But then again... probably I should stop deluding myself.

*****

WHERE IS VAL! I haven't seen her in the longest time! ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

jenn's quote of the day...

It's so much easier to walk away than to confront what's at hand.

I'm a coward. But I just can't face up to hurt.

*sniff sniff* *cough cough*

Had a tiny bout of flu before I left for Manchester, but I came back feeling really sick and lousy. It was a good thing that our team was scheduled to fly back as passengers, so I didn't have to work on my way back. The crew operating our flight back was really sweet, they knew I was ill, and fussed over me. I felt really pampered, and my very nice team boy took care of me during the flight.

Yes, I'm a sucker for attention and care when I'm sick. So what? :P

But yet sometimes I wish to be left alone still.

*****

Pictures of quiet town Manchester when I'm back online again. Right now, it's time to sleep.

Pitter patter pitter patter...

I kinda like Melbourne. I have no idea why. I've been to Melbourne more than 3 times, before I was flying and even now, yet I haven't grown tired of the city. But this time Melbourne was a little chilly, probably because it was near winter.


Flinders Street Station

Was supposed to meet up with George, but we had a change of plans last minute, so I went out strolling alone. Got stuck in a second-hand bookstore, where I bought 2 books (almost bought a lot more, if not for the fact that I have to save up some money). By the time I left the bookstore it was near dark, so I bought an ice cream and walked down to the park near Flinders Street Station. Was reading 'Almost French' by Sarah Turnbull and taking photos when this rather cute French guy came up to me. Phillipe was his name, and we spent the evening chatting in the park, then adjourned to the cafe for drinks and pastries. Very sweet gentleman, but then again, I don't know him well enough to judge.

*****

I picked up a leaf from the ground on my way back to the hotel. I thought it was pretty nicely shaped. But it dried up when I reach the hotel, so some of the edges have fallen off. Still, it looks pretty. I love autumn leaves.

*****

Did a Penang turn with my team yesterday, and it was the first time I met them. They seem nice, but I was, and still am, worried that I cannot really gel into the team. Will be meeting them for flight later to Manchester. And I woke up with a bout of flu. Hope things turn out well.

*****

It's not easy, eh?

Sigh.

Kena tagged. Bleah.

7 random facts about me:
1. I was really fat. Like REALLY FAT.
2. I actually am a closet nerd.
3. I have tons of books which I bought and haven't found the time to read.
4. I love dancing.
5. I used to love Smurfs, until I felt that they are pretty warped.
6. I HATE INSECTS WHICH FLY.
7. My comfort drink is hot Milo.

7 celebrity crushes:
1. George Clooney
2. Johnny Depp
3. Brad Pitt
4. Hugh Jackman
5. Robert Redford
6. Orlando Bloom
7. Antonio Banderas

7 qualities i want in a potential boyfriend:
can't think. I kinda gave up on potential boyfriends.

7 things that scare me:
1. COCKROACHES
2. lizards
3. Horror shows
4. losing loved ones
5. losing Charcoal
6. stupid insects which fly
7. planes which cannot fly

7 random songs at the moment:
1. You're beautiful / James Blunt
2. Same side of the moon / Corrine May
3. Sexed up / Robbie Williams
4. Bad Day / Daniel Powter
5. Goodbye my lover / James Blunt
6. If I kissed you / Corrine MAy
7. Safe in a crazy world / Corrine May

7 things i like the most:
1. Sitting with people I like, doing nothing at all
2. Reading my books or magazines
3. eating ice cream
4. Dancing
5. champagne, red wine or white wine, according to mood
6. Grocery Shopping
7. taking a road trip.

7 things i plan to do before i die:
1. Go to Spain
2. take part in a piano concerto
3. Backpack around the world
4. Bring my parents to wherever they want to go
5. Travel to unknown places on earth
6. Sky diving
7. Mountain hiking

7 things i say the most:
1. I don't give a flying f***
2. WHAT?!
3. What the f***?!
4. Excuse me/ Sorry/ Please excuse me.
5. Mind your heads/ backs/ legs!
6. Thank you sir/ madam!
7. Shucks.

ROOOOARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I just whine (again) about my lousy roster next month?

*****

Had a wonderful time in Beijing, K heard I would be bored there, then he took the really late night flight, and appeared at my door in the morning! We chatted over room service, and then he took the same flight which I was on back at night. We spoke a lot, after he disappearing from my life (or was it me from his life) for ... say... 3 years?

And then it was a short stay in Seoul, where I rushed out to fulfil some friends' shopping lists, drinking and eating, drinking and eating... Little wonder it is then, that my uniform seems tight now. Argh.

*****

The weekend was spent lazing and catching up on sleep at home. Met up with JH and QL for supper near my place. The two guys are finally near to graduation.. and we talked about how we've all grown and done things which we never thought we would have done. Would we have taken a different path if we had the chance to go back in time?

*****

Heard great news from Qian, and I wish her happiness. Hope this is the man who'll love you in the most perfect way possible.

I yearn to love, and be loved in return. Is that difficult?

There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved.

- George Sand -

Can you make me happy?

*****

Spent the morning with K again, and we wondered if things would have worked out if we had gotten together then. I thought not, but he thought otherwise. Still, he's changed and I've changed. Will things work out now?

I would rather be your friend forever. At least, then I would know that you'd always love me in your capacity.

*****

Same topics discussed with different groups of people, yet they all say the same. I shouldn't think too much eh?

*****

Been really irritated since last night. I think I'm really tired, both emotionally and physically. I need a break.

xoxox,
jenn