i am hooked on miso soup and soba noodles. and i think i overdosed on them.

and when i was in narita, i bought loads of rubbish. to the extent mum asked why she would even need brushes and sponges.

ah wells.

i'm on leave again, but this time i'm staying put at home.

*hugs*

we have made a convert from a non-mahjong player to a 'eh wanna mahjong tonight?' addict.

sigh. i am so evil.

'you took my breath away the first time we met,
and when you walked past your scent lingers.
my heart went with you when you smiled at me,
and when we shared our thoughts my soul left me.

much as i want i know it could never be,
this friendship is one i'd like to keep.
so be sure that, my little one,
i'll be around if you'll ever need me.'

found this note in my mailbox when i was at the airport earlier in the day... and till now, i don't know how i should reply to the sender.

sometimes i feel that i've inherited certain qualities of people i hang around too much with. hmm, simply put, whenever i leave a relationship, i realised i've become .. a little of him. and a little less myself. in a way, certain qualities of the ex-partner made me stronger than i was, but i miss the old me.

and because i couldn't stand how messy my room was, i started cleaning up. and then i didnt want to stop until i was done, so it's already 11pm and i am satisfied with the outcome of my room, but i am so dead. because i haven't painted my nails nor packed and i have to wake up around 4am.

die.
die.
sigh.

i am very disturbed.

because today when i opened up an email sent by miss stellalalalala, i saw my email address was saved under "Jenn thinks italian guys are hot."

how can like that?

some french guys are also quite cute. so are spanish guys.

sigh.

back from karachi.

a freaking long stay in karachi got me hooked onto alias and refusing to step out of the room for dinner just because i wanted to watch alias.

but this trip was a good one, with good people who eventually turned out as friends, and we spent hours on the phone just chatting, even though we were just a couple of doors away.

and Murakami's "Sputnik Sweetheart" got me thinking when i read the last few pages:

"So that's how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us - that's snatched right out of our hands - the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence. We draw ever nearer to our allotted span of time, bidding it farewell as it trails off behind, leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness."

"Maybe, in some distant place, everything is already, quietly, lost. Or at least there exists a silent place where everything can disappear, welding together in a single, overlapping figure. And as we live our lives we discover - drawing towards us the thin threads attached to each - what as many beautiful lost things as I could. Drawing them closer, holding on to them. Knowing all the while that their lives are fleeting."

so true.

these few days, i can't really differentiate between dreams and real life. some nights, i wake up in tears, and then i wonder, for a long while, if the dreams were real. then i get scared and confused, to the extent i'd call and check if it really happened.

ah wells.

today is father's day. think last year we had a chance to be at home and dine together at dinner, but this year, this year, well... i haven't even heard from him, apart from the fact that he's switched hospitals and is still in ICU.

oh well. just glad to have people around me who were able to cheer me up the past few days, even though we briefly know one another.

k gotta zzz.

harlow world.

back from melbourne, where i kinda thoroughly enjoyed the cold weather, back to the humid singapore.

today, i painted my nails 3 times. i just couldnt get it right! firstly the colour wasn't even. then the top coat wasn't shiny, then it got too thick it was ugly. so i redid everything and finally got satisfied at around... 1am.

and this afternoon, realising that the sofa was more conducive for sleeping, we plonked ourselves in front of the teeeeveeee and then fell asleep. someoneeeeee came by, saw us sleeping there, stood in front of us and SNAPPPPPPPPPP! when we were in our most horri-gible sleeping position. tsk! i will take revenge. just u wait!

by the way, i miss playing Worms Armaggaedon. Whhheeeee~!

i woke up after the nap with tears in my eyes and started crying. been having a lot of dreams recently, which felt so real, and many times i didn't want to wake up from the dream. then i revisited a lot of childhood places in my dream this afternoon. it all felt so real, so real.

is it always the case? when you're younger you wished and yearned so much to be older, and now that you're older, you wished you hadn't grown up at all?

although there's never a time too late, and always better now than never, but today i realised, i'll never ever get another chance to forge a bond with dad. i missed that chance a long time ago.

off to karachi (AGAIN) and hoping to get back the sleep i duly miss.

what's your current song?

qian asked me this question over msn, and i didn't know. my current song 1 month back (oh it was current then) was I Don't Love You by My Chemical Romance.. so i ran through my song list and.. yeah this one.



Every little thing - Dishwalla

Let me in to see you in the morning light
To get me on and all along the tears they come
See all come, I want you to believe in life
But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
And when you find out who you are its too late to change

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time, sometimes

Lift me up, just lift me up dont make a sound
Let me hold you up before you hit the ground
See all come, you say your alright
But i get the strangest feeling that you've gone away, you've gone away
And when you find out who you are too late to change

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, every thing you wanted, all the time
Don't give me up
Don't give me up tonight
Soon nothing will right at all, salvation
Cause when you find out who you are too late to change
Too late to change

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be every little thing you wanted every little you wanted all the time
This time, everylittle thing you wanted all the time, oh
But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away

seriously, is it me or is it damn hot back here in singapore?

touched down from paris this morning, and then headed straight to the hospital. but well, it wasn't a pleasant time there and i drove home with tears falling out of my eyes.

then headed home for a short rest before i went over for my home-cooked requested carbonara. after which it was 4400 and then nap. i woke up halfway frustrated because it was SO FREAKING HOT i was perspiring profusely. argh.

and so i resolved not to move a single muscle so i wouldn't generate heat. i refused to turn on the lights so that i won't feel the heat emitting from the lights. and now back at home i'm seated in front of the fan, and i refuse to move.

a friend asked, how could you still be so energetic and lively and cheerful on board when you have so much at home to worry about? i don't know, probably being at work is my only escape from reality. it seems warped, though. but yeah.

i just wished things could have been different. yet when i try to put myself in their shoes i wonder if i would have done the same, or whether i would be more generous and forgiving. i just don't see the end of this thing.

oh, by the way, has anyone been watching cnn regularly? i always tune in to cnn, and my last night in paris i fell asleep with the tv on cnn.

the whole flight back, i had this song stuck in my head. disclaimer: i have nothing against malaysia or tourism malaysia ads but...

"malaysia truly asiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, the mountains and the seaaaaaaaaaa............ malaysia truly asiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, discoverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, malaysia truly asiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

ARGH.

it's already 8.15pm over here in Paris but again, it's still bright and cheery outside. The sun is peeking through the leaves of the tree outside the window and i catch glimpses of the bright sun. i thought i'd hate this room, but then i've been spending a lot of time just staring out across the street and looking at people, and watching the cars drive by.

finally tomorrow i'm heading back home, and it's gonna be a long day, with going to the hospital after i touch down and then home. what do i enjoy about being away? the peace and quiet, and the fact that i can lose myself in the middle of a crowd.

last night, yves and i went down to La Seine and found ourselves a quaint little pub where we finally sat down to rest our poor feet. and after the usual cordial catching up on what's going on in our lives, yves said something which.. took me a good 3 minute to decipher.

Y: "tu sais, tu as un air de l'élégance sensual."
me: "eh.. quoi?"
y: "tu dis pourqoui?"
me: "non, je ne comprend pas ce que tu dis. mais, tu peux repeter?"
y: "i mean.. you are sensual in an elegant way. like sexy, tu comprends?"
me: "sexy say sexy lah, what l'élégance sensual."

so yeah, this is what you get when you have a true bred french with a true-bred singaporean with her french gone wrong. and from the other table, this australian was just gushing to her partner about how she felt that she has fallen in love with Paris in just 2 weeks. and how she feels that she can live in paris all her life.

almost immediately, i turned around and told yves honestly, as much as i love paris, i don't know if i can survive on bread that much. you don't have to, he said, as a matter of fact, just live on wines.

ok 12 more hours till i leave paris.

the love of my life...

i was just chatting with a friend, and then i started thinking about charcoal. how little puppies are taken away from their mothers a few weeks after birth and then when i brought charcoal home, all he has now is us. we're his family, and that's why he loves us with all his heart.

*cues* Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww....

anyway, i love him too. it's like.. he knows when i'm upset and all, and accompanies me when i need. though usually when i try talking to him he gives me this "huh" look.

ah wells...

here goes:



smooooooooch

it's 4am in Paris.

weirdly, June is supposed to be summer, but yesterday it was pretty chilly though the sun was shining brightly. Glad i had the hindsight to bring along my jacket.

Yves came down to meet me this time around, and because we haven't seen each other for about.. say 2 years? we spent the whole night talking and updating each other on our lives. and i mixed my french with 'lah's, 'leh's and it got him pretty confused for a while. heh heh heh.

ok, think i'm gonna get a bit more sleep.

queue-ing, mahjong and frika.

yesterday was a very very wonky day for me. with lack of sleep from the past few days, i terrorised zenn's frika while we were queueing up for DONUTS.

fengmin, zenn, debra, me

and in the queue, i did a lot of things. when the caucasian couple came up to us and asked fengmin wat we were queueing up for, i had half the mind to tell them 'i don't know, i saw the queue so we came here'. so i think it was a good thing they hadn't asked me. frika sported a mohawk, then some weird hairstyle, then those punk rock hairstyle, then it became an out of bed hairstyle, and then i gave him a rambo head band. FOR TWO FREAKING HOURS WE WERE IN THE FREAKING QUEUE!

oh and for a while frika grew wings.


meet frikaaaaaaa!


extreme makeover

so this guy at the shop bluffed us. said shop would only be opened at 12.30pm when we were there at 9 plus, so we went for coffee at starbucks and sat and waited, talked abt everything and anything from people we see to news we read and then when we went down at 11 plus, THE QUEUE WAS ALREADY THERE!!!

and to think the last i ever queued up for anything was the toilets.


donut madness

donuts were... alright though, loved the PEANUT BUTTER GLAZED i heart heart peanut butter. then we lunched at ding tai feng, and i told the girls if anyone were to run away with my donuts i will chase them and whack my bag over their head. and we forced zenn to play mahjong, and her beginner's luck was SUPER GOOD SHE WON MONEY FROM ME AAAAAAARGH.

and when i told them about mysterious ants devouring food no one seemed to believe until.... one box of donuts got raided by ants. and i think i was lucky to have spotted it, otherwise the box of donuts would have been carried away by the ants. i hate ants. i hate mosquitoes. i hate houseflies and i hate maggots.

yes, we found maggots, but that's one thing i dont want to remember.

so there. yesterday's eventful day marked the end of my leave (boo hooo hoooooo) and tonight i'm going to work again.

sigh.

SIGH.

but Paris, here i come! hopefully this time the strike situation is resolved.

angels brought me here..

sent by someone all the way from melbourne, and thank you. it came in the very traditional snail mail, with the song in the cd.

It’s been a long and winding journey,
But I’m finally here tonight picking up the pieces walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory where my heart and future lies
There’s nothing like that feeling when I look into your eyes

My dreams came true when I found you; I found you, my miracle

If you could see what I see
That you’re the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel the tenderness I feel
You would know it would be clear, that angels brought me here

Nothing here before you
Feels like I’ve been born again
Every breath is your LOVE
Every heartbeat speaks your name

My dreams came true right here in front of you my miracle

If you could see what I see
You’re the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel the tenderness I feel
You would know it would be clear, that angles brought me here

It brought me here, to be with you
Ill be forever grateful, forever thankful

My dreams came true when I found you my miracle

If you could see what I see
You’re the answer to my prayers, oh...
And if u could feel the tenderness I Feel
You would know it would be clear that angels brought me here

You know I love you baby
And if you could feel the tenderness I Feel
You would know it would be clear, that angels brought me here
~angels brought me here, guy sebastian