i'm old, boring and predictable.

CRISTINA: "There's a club. The Dead Dads Club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss... My dad died when I was nine. George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club."
GEORGE: "I... I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."
CRISTINA: "Yeah, that never really changes."

i haven't really had time to myself to really think through everything that has happened in 2007. yes, i've had time alone, but never as peaceful as today. lots of reading, thinking, and just.. spacing out. and when i read the above lines from grey's, it just struck a chord.

and yes, i'm officially 25+1 years old today. last year, when i filled out survey forms, i could happily tick the 25-30 age group and feel i'm the youngest, but today i'm "upgraded". and hopefully a little wiser, as val pointed out bluntly. THANKS. and to all who are happy that i'm older..... *ROOOOOAR*

26 years old. many years back i had dreams of me being someplace very accomplished in my career. i am someplace, but nowhere near accomplished nor in my dream job. but things change, expectations change, we change. i've changed. what plans do i have for this year? nothing much. I'm still on the recovery, in many aspects, trying to deal with myself, with certain issues in life and with my own expectations.

the last day of chinese new year, the lunar valentines' day and my birthday. last year today i was in the air from los angeles to taipei, and didn't see the date 21st February. Tomorrow i'm headed for Los Angeles. Last year today i remember standing outside Sheraton Taipei, making a video call to dad, chatting to him, mum and seeing charcoal on the phone. This year, it was just mum and charcoal.

The reunion lunch this year, was a minus one. we set a table for 4, the dishes on the table significantly lesser, but still those he would have liked. but we ate in silence, and at a point, in tears.

and there are still many days i wake up, wishing that it had all been a dream and things would go back to what they were like in the past. and sometimes i do wonder if things would be better had I chosen another path. but i learnt that there are just some things you can't ever change.

on a happier note, dinner with the igualans was pretty successful. people who went MIA previously turned up, people who couldn't navigate on four wheels previously turned up, though the mahjong addict was in the air from denmark to singapore his presence was sorely missed (ok i said that to appease the legend). and i had a great time. nothing beats being around people who grew up with you, who knew you inside out, who forgive you for not making enough effort to meet up, who can still be there for you when everyone else in the world gives up on you, who love you for just being you, and who will still love you even when you are no longer you. From hideous stories you'd never want your other halves to hear (which is why the legend never brings out his girlfriend anymore), to surprisingly good news you'd never think you would know (the pilot and the missing miss shum).

i've received cute presents this year also. the very first was val's PIGGY bank to me (LITERALLY PIG. PINK PIG) which went oink oink whenever i dump money inside, and sends charcoal growling, and my very very very first Agnes B. coin pouch, which, only has space for coins. meaning i cannot do the auntie thing and dump notes nor cards inside. then the next day i had another agnes b. card pouch from some ex-colleagues, which i am told not to put coins in.

mr kwok baked me a cheesecake for the dinner, which he graciously sponsored also, at arab street WHICH was finished up by the second day, and a dual-time watch to replace my current one. and now it means whenever i wear it on board i cannot be too rough.

the guys got me a handcream, ("it's very good! not greasy one!") and yeah it's good and smells nice tooooo. *smooch*

i finally met up with the potato, though it was a brief one, and we had a very good time sitting outside coffeebean and talking about whatever and anything. *love* and i got a chain with my name. non-kinky chain.

mummy got me a cake and we had an early celebration at home and charcoal loaded me with kisses and dumped his favourite toy in my bag.

this morning Rat came down all the way from taipei to give me my present and a birthday cake, sang a silly birthday song for me and left after breakfast to go back to taipei to work. just so that i could stop whining about being stranded in boring taoyuan on my get-old-day. THANKS LAH OK?!

I made almost everyone sign up for a mahjong account online and forced them to play with me last night. or when they are online. and i have a mahjong addicted other half.

and yay, finally finished updated, cos K complained that no one whines as much as i do, and that he had nothing to read for the past 3 weeks.

Back to more reading.

to my lovely huggable friends who smsed me early this morning or at midnight or left me messages on facebook msn wherever, THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL.. *SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH*

k now i am going to just stare at the number 26.