triste.

gave away the frankfurt run for an osaka flight so i could satisfy my nihon-go craving, and i'm glad i managed to do the flight, cos at least it gave me the opportunity to catch up with jaslyn, and really chat. it's so rare to get flights with people you know, and i long for that kinda familiarity, that you look forward to flights because that someone is on board.

anyways, osaka had us running about trying shoes, looking at bags, oogling at clothes, and we almost went bankrupt. but worth it for the company.. and i'd do it again anytime. then the back-to-back flights came, just to attend the wedding in taipei and to still remain on flight so i could catch up with the ditzy batchgirl. if there's one wish i could make, it'd be to have flights with friends.

the past few nights' topics at gatherings have been pretty similar.. and left me wondering if people actually do think about what could be on the other path not chosen. would my life have changed drastically? was that change worth it? the saddest part is that no one will really know, at least not me.

and it's puzzling, to me, that when a person has passed on, everything in your life kinda moves ahead, but there'll still be this part that remains stagnant. and poignant memories are no longer the ones which make you cry. all thoughts, in fact, only happy thoughts and memories bring out the tears. the non-stop flow of tears. like what mr kwok said, all that matters is how i remember dad to be. question is, what if i don't have enough memories of him?

so i'm trying to patch up the holes in my life... family ties, relationships and all... and feeling that time passes more quickly than i want it to. and if my life is a big jigsaw puzzle... i think i'll never be able to finish it.

daaang!

so just as i was preparing to leave the house for flight, the office called and said there was a change of aircraft and i'm supposed to step down and be on standby.

and since probably around 11am until now, i've been restlessly walking about and trying to get the weekend off so i could spend a wee bit more time with the man who's kinda in a holiday chalet now. but from the looks of it i doubt i'll be around, so i guess i'll most likely be stuffing myself silly with pasta and pizza.

ooooh wells. probably the overdose of short simple flights have made me slightly lazy.

ok i think i should start to remove my makeup. and i hate it when people need your help they come cowering but when it's the other way around they freaking don't bother how they treat you.

sometimes it still hits hard, randomly, like.. in the middle of a conversation.

and it'd be a struggle to hold the tears back, but i'd always try.

***

spent yesterday in taipei with the aunt and cousin who came over to join my uncle for a short holiday. and as i brought them around the night market to eat and shop, the little one never ever stopped yakking. she's adorable, not irritating, just... noisy. but she's an intelligent one. thing is, i didn't remember me being that talkative and hyperactive when i was in primary four.

and then i miss being primary four.

***

so the standby was pretty (*#@&)#&_@#*()%&#, and i finally managed to get my old taipei line reinstated, so i didn't have to spend lotsa money on phone calls and sms-es in taipei. it was a lot of walking today, and i fulfilled my bubble tea-a-day by drinking 2 cups today cos tomorrow i'm checking out.

don't have the mood to work actually, wondering if it's because i'll be on leave after i reach home, or just because i don't feel like it, but i'm looking forward to home and preparing for jav & ste's big day.

***

walked past the bar earlier, and heard shania twain's 'you're still the one'... and remembered it was a song i loved dearly, for it meant a lot to me then. wondered a lot about the could-have-beens, and the what-ifs. why am i so down?

argh.

i miss charcoal's smell. i miss mum's voice, and i miss brother's snoring.

and many times.... i miss the smell of dad's hands.

sigh.

bubble teaaaaa

i think reorganising my shelves has become a fortnightly affair.

managed to free up a lot of space and boxes in the room, so that i have space and boxes to fill. and because i have to act as a one day tour guide to some relatives in taipei, i won't be able to meet the dogs tomorrow. sigh.

and right now i think i should sleep. but yet i ain't really tired, probably because i am so looking forward to my leave after this trip. *yippeeeee*

and the bestie's customary wedding is on this weekend, i am already thinking of mean mean things to do to the guys.

ohhhhhh wells.

i'd better try to sleep. past few flights i've shocked myself by waking up at call-time.

argh.

arrrrrgh.

i simply cannot understand why my room is messy again after 1 week.

ARGH.

seriously.

i am suffering from bubble tea, and ktv withdrawal symptoms.

and 11 days away from singapore made me miss mahjong, but the first night i was back i lost a grand total of $50. shucks. and so now charcoal is fatter, and cuter (because i brought him to the groomer's yesterday)... and oh man i missed charcoal so muchHhhHHhhhh.

thankfully the bank account is still alive, all because silly me forgot to bring out a photo id with me when i was in LA which really saved me a lot of money, but i still shudder to receive the bill for next month.

oh wells.

i finally met up with The Alcoholics in Taipei (Peter & Diana, Brandy & Whisky: 2 humans and 2 bitches); the daily affair in taipei was shopping in the day, lunch with Boon, more shopping, or KTV with the smokies on flight, dinner with The Alcoholics and Neeee-kiiiiiii, back to the hotel for drinks with the smokies, and process repeated the next day.

And i was introduced to brandy when she was still loving the biting action. when mr kwok came over, she was a lot tamed. standby was not activated, and i had fun skipping standby to look at geeky stuff with the boyflennn. and the group dinner was ditched when Mama Alcoholic had to work overtime with her ulcers, and Neeee-kiiiiiii left us for pretty girls in the countryside. 阿里山的姑娘美如... forgot the last word but *shrugs*. So mr kwok and i spent the night trying to act taiwanese, trying to act touristy, and then we went over to Tong Hua Jie where i proudly introduced Brandy to mr kwok.

so after we fed the Alcoholics, we brought brandy window shopping though most of the time Diana and i were in the shops, Peter with brandy outside the shops and Lou usually looking around for other shops. and at the big huge pet shop we found a big huge fat cat which was adamant that brandy not disturb his rest. Snarled and growled and slept at the foot of a stand.

and i offered dog sitting services when i next go over to taipei.

which is somehow a guarantee i won't spend all my money away any-o-howly!