sometimes it still hits hard, randomly, like.. in the middle of a conversation.

and it'd be a struggle to hold the tears back, but i'd always try.

***

spent yesterday in taipei with the aunt and cousin who came over to join my uncle for a short holiday. and as i brought them around the night market to eat and shop, the little one never ever stopped yakking. she's adorable, not irritating, just... noisy. but she's an intelligent one. thing is, i didn't remember me being that talkative and hyperactive when i was in primary four.

and then i miss being primary four.

***

so the standby was pretty (*#@&)#&_@#*()%&#, and i finally managed to get my old taipei line reinstated, so i didn't have to spend lotsa money on phone calls and sms-es in taipei. it was a lot of walking today, and i fulfilled my bubble tea-a-day by drinking 2 cups today cos tomorrow i'm checking out.

don't have the mood to work actually, wondering if it's because i'll be on leave after i reach home, or just because i don't feel like it, but i'm looking forward to home and preparing for jav & ste's big day.

***

walked past the bar earlier, and heard shania twain's 'you're still the one'... and remembered it was a song i loved dearly, for it meant a lot to me then. wondered a lot about the could-have-beens, and the what-ifs. why am i so down?

argh.

i miss charcoal's smell. i miss mum's voice, and i miss brother's snoring.

and many times.... i miss the smell of dad's hands.

sigh.