paris romantique...

il fait beau...

In Paris now, using the complimentary internet in the room. Will be heading out later, going to take a walk by myself back to where I was many years back. Welcoming the solitude though, probably need to sort out some overdue thoughts.

Met a few nice passengers on board and spoke to them for quite a bit. Nous pouvons vous apporter autour! (We can bring you around!) Friendly gesture, but probably not. Because I don't know when my French will give up on me. But it is cold. Brrrrr... and I am yearning for ice cream.

Thought... a lot. And, it has reached a point where I no longer am in control. I feel very exposed, very vulnerable. Do I hate that feeling? I don't know. It feels warped that I welcome that feeling again somehow, but then again, a large part of me screams something else. Probably the overdue wait is taking its toll. And I wonder why I allow it to drag, why I can't just go. Maybe I should. But do I want to? I hate feeling so affected by certain things, certain words, certain actions.

I'm contradicting myself. As always. So what do I want? I know what I want but I don't have the courage to pursue it. SO what gives?

ARGH. Fuck lah. I wish things could be simpler and easier.

Will be meeting Francis tomorrow evening (see, I blog about you too!), supposed to meet his friends (new men new men!) but he wanted a trade-off, so we decided on a one-to-one date. hur hur hur. Hope I don't get lost in this mad mad metro system.

Au revoiR!