ka-bonk!

SO I got back from flight last evening, and was so tired I totally crashed after I showered, and woke up in the middle of the night looking for food. Doesn't help that I've gained a few kilos but I attribute it to lack of toilet visits. *indignant*

Then this afternoon something very embarrassing happened to me. I was busy texting someone after my massage, and then I walked into the glass door. Sigh. It was as if time froze then and everyone stared at me. Damn. And now I am nursing a nasty bruise on my right knee. Ouch.

I don't know what's come over me. These days I feel easily distracted, and easily irritated. Some people think I have the best job ever, flying around the world and earning money whilst at it, but then I realised this isn't making me as happy as others think I should. So how? But then again, I don't know what would make me happy. Sometimes I go work feeling like the happiest person on earth and then there are times I just want to disappear and hide in my shell.

And expectations kill don't they? I try very hard to work up to everyone's expectations I feel so unhappy with myself. Like.. Why am I doing this? Why do I lose myself in the midst of trying to make everyone happy? And my confidence gets shaken, shattered time and time again. Day by day I'm slowly not being who I used to be.

sigh.