So far... So good...

Charcoal has upgraded his status to the master. He doesn't respond to his name now, except when we call him "Mr Tan", or "Mr Charcoal". Apparently, he's feeling all royalty. While I was bathing him just now, he was busy shaking himself dry and getting water all over me. I guess it's my punishment for not bringing him out today because the weather was not that great.

Training started on Wednesday, and it's been swell so far. My batchmates are a really cool bunch of guys and gals, so I'm looking forward to fun, fun and more fun! Well, at least apart from the studying and exams I'll be expecting too. Sadly, I've been "made fun" of my glutton-ness (is there such a word?) gluttony as I always think of food as someone else is speaking. That's me, no less.

To boot, I've finished 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. And a weight check on Monday. How. Nice.

I was chatting with JJ online as I was gorging myself with the ice cream, and we touched on the topic of relationships. I guess somehow, I would still want to be loved, and to love, someday, but not right now. That part of me had been shut off since a couple of months ago, and I don't think I'm willing to open it up again.

Thing is, by closing that part, I felt as if I were... emotionless. Void of feelings, I am. I could detach myself from all emotions, all thoughts, all feelings, and that made me feel so... cold. I have no idea whether I am happy but I can laugh and joke as if I were. I have no idea whether I am angry, but I can still smile as if I weren't.

I wish I were myself again, the once-emotional me that I was. At least I felt human.

Now....

I don't even know who I am. Or, if I actually want to know.


Where have the happier times gone to?

Edit: Sam told me it's gluttony, not glutton-ness. Dumb me. I forgot. heh heh.