last day of 2006.... 2007 beckons!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUIS CHAN-MALI-CHAN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUMPING JOE! (sorry I can't make it to your bash tonight...)

And 2006 has come and.. well, almost gone. With tears, laughter, sadness, joy, loss, love... It might be the best and the worst year of my life, but I ain't keeping track. So this New Year's Eve is gonna be spent chilling out, and not jostling with the crowd (phew!) and somehow, I foresee mahjong on the cards.

James asked if I kept to my resolutions for 2006, and was really shocked when I told him I never had the habit of making (and keeping) resolutions. Yeah, I know myself just too well, why make a resolution when I know I can never keep one?

Anyway, yesterday I went with James to teach some children salsa after I touched down from flight. I don't really like children that much already, but this bunch of children were really amusing. I wish all children would be polite, obedient, and not snobbish brats. Oooh and we had this uniform party at Louis' place, where I wielded my whip to keep the students disciplined. *hiaK* I really didn't know what I felt last night. But it was good to drink again after such a long abstinence from alcohol.

Oooh, have I mentioned I so adore Take That? I loved them then and I love them more now. Yummy. Yeah I am a mushy boy band fan, can?!

Am I living in someone else's shadow?

Ah well. Gonna be away for a while from tomorrow onwards, so.... gonna miss you all so much, guys.

Anyway, anyhow, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

so here I am...

... waiting to head down for flight. I guess being stuck in the hotel room gave me ample time to think a lot about things, make decisions about certain things, and decide to do things that I always wanted to do but yet didn't dare to.

So yeah. I've decided to get a tattoo. Been surfing sites for some nice designs, and have yet to make up my mind about the design I want. Argh.

Feeling kinda bloated cos of breakfast and the silly drink I have to take. Eeurgh.

*****

An sms came in from Paul (oh it's been AGES since we met!!!), and it got me smiling for the longest time ever. "Hey you know what? It's just Christmas here but it's almost over at your side! Damn. I'm on top and you are below. DAMN. Sending you wishes and love from The Big Apple. And oh. Hope you find a man who's crazy about you this year. Luv luv luv, love is all around. kiss kiss hug hug smooch smooch."

Yeah, I just want a man who's craaaaaaaaaaaazzzy about me. just not someone crazy.

*****

Okay, time to go. Gotta put on my mask with that silly grin throughout the flight.

Love you all.

hokay! standby's over!

Hokie, my standby's officially over. Actually it was over probably 4 hours ago but I was busy chatting and surfing webs. And I have yet to step out of the room since I woke up, doubt I'll be doing that at all since it's already 10pm here.

Kinda disappointed they didn't call me up to work back today. ArGH! Ah well, tomorrow I'll be heading home... kinda dreading the flight, cos I didn't really enjoy my flight up. But what to do? Life goes on and sometimes it sucks. So there.

it probably was a good idea to have brought my iBook here, because I have been googling all the weird stuffs that I thought of. And somehow I feel smarter than ever. Call it delusion, but I think I am smart. hur hur hur.

I just hope I can get to sleep tonight.

Guys, meet up at the airport lah, so I don't have to take cab down to ulu Boon Lay.

*pouts*

i AM bored.. so...

... I googled for silly things.

Like "Is McDonald's or Burger King opened during Christmas in Auckland?"
"Where is the first place to welcome Christmas?"

I got no answer to the first question, but I found out Christmas Island is the first place on Earth to welcome Christmas, because their time zone is GMT +14. And because I thought Christmas Island was so named because of this, I googled the history. But I doubt, cos nothing was stated.

Aihz.

I love google.

I will be in the hotel room for the rest of the day (and it's only 10 am, dammit!) because 1) I am on standby, 2) NOTHING is freaking open!, I suspect more posts later.

Merry Christmas wherever you are.

merry christmas..!

Ho hO ho! It's Christmas here in Auckland! 5 hours ahead of Singapore, 12 hours ahead of Europe.

Ho Ho hO!

Merry Christmas to you, and you, and you, and me!

Hope Santa didn't get lost trying to find me in Auckland.

never really moved on...

He was online, and sent me this song. Saying it was apt for the 'both of us'.

He never realised I've long changed 'us' to 'you and I'.

But, yeah, this song could be apt for ... this predicament I'm in. For someone I know.

You don't get what I'm talking about, do you? It's just gibberish... I'm only talking to myself.

*****

Honey why you calling me so late?

It’s kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper ’cause I can’t be too loud

Well, my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It’s funny that you’re calling me tonight
And, yes, I’ve dreamt of you too
And does he know you’re talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don’t think she has a clue

Well my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It’s really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

~~~~Lips of an Angel - Hinder

I know it's gonna happen sooner or later, and I know it's gonna be inevitable, I know someday I've gotta make some kind of a decision if no one makes it... but I don't know if I'll end up the ultimate loser.

But probably I've always been one.

I'm just depressed and messed up inside.

Bang! Boom! Bish!

It is possible to feel lonely amidst a crowd, isn't it?

I never liked cold weather. It is one thing to feel attracted to the cold, lonely solitude and another to be shivering out in the cold. Rome is nice, but I probably spent more time in the hotel than I would have liked to, probably because I didn't have the urge to head out further. I don't know if it's because of the weather or because I just wanted to be around familiar people.

I've been feeling less than great these few days... Lots of thoughts running through my head.

And just today, I heard a piece of really unhappy news. Isn't it very shallow to be concerned with the superficial things... like looks, figure, and all... than to love someone for who she really is? I feel sorry for the guy who didn't see or love her the way we did. He missed out on a lot...

I'm just feeling out of sorts. Just.. like a plank of wood floating around aimlessly in the big ocean, just following where the current leads me to. Is my life going to be this way from now on? Should it be like that? In a way I am satisfied with not making any major plans regarding the path I should take, but yet in another way, I don't really fancy waking up in bed and wondering if there ever is a tomorrow in whatever I am in at this moment.

But life is only as simple, or as difficult, as we want it to be, is it not?

Why is it that...

... I can't help but feel affected by a lot of things.

Sometimes, a part of wished you'd never existed. But yet, I know you'll still be here for a long long time.

I've reached the stage (or probably age?) in my life where past demons haunt. And haunt. Relentlessly.

I miss being young. And I should keep reminding myself I'm only 24.

argh.

what gives?

yes, I am still breathing and alive...

I don't know what I've been busy with, falling asleep while watching DVDs or plain snacking out. But how lazy can I get? I'm pretty frustrated by the fact that I can't find the remote control... for my fan.

Yeah, my fan comes with a remote control. But I can't find it! It's such a chore having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to go switch it off cos it's too cold. I'm thinking of stealing the one in my brother's room but it will start a war. Argh! How frustrating is that?

Just managed to catch up with a couple of friends these 2 days, and the news I've received were less than glad. While people are getting hitched and married and all, there are friends of mine who just left their relationships, or feeling far away from home.

I wished, at that moment, I could be more of a friend and be there for them at that time. And if I could afford both the time and money, I would have flown to where you are, to keep you company and assure you that everything is ok.

Sometimes I do feel helpless, I don't know what to say or what I can do to make you feel better, I just hope my being there on the other line can make you feel a lot better than you already are. *hugs*

I guess loving someone can sometimes take its toll. Two people can be so in love with each other, but yet if they aren't happy together, things won't work out right? Then it comes a decision to part or to stay on because of love. He once told me, love isn't everything, happiness is. I've long believed that it's true.

Anyway, I'm pretty hooked onto Prison Break, 24, and all. Damn. Suffering from withdrawal now.

aiyoH!

how much smaller can this world get?

My life is a living friendster network.

i am grateful...

... for people who love me as I am, fats and all.

Sometimes you don't realise it.. but words do hurt.

So this month is a good month for people to get married, give birth... To date, I've already got 3 bombs sitting on my desks. I wonder how it feels like to just take the plunge and then get hitched. That means you are stuck with that person for the rest of your life! Makes me wonder if I'll ever be ready to settle down with one special person. But it's too early to tell, I'm not thinking that way yet.

Time flies really fast. In a twinkling of an eye, it's already been one year into my current job. I wonder if I have changed much from the person I was before, and I wonder how life would be if I hadn't taken this path.

Had a brief chat online with Long-ge, and we talked about how we let time push the distance between us. Sometimes you just want to pick up the phone and call someone to just.. ask after him, but then you don't know where to start, or whether you can pick up from where you left off. And it becomes harder to update each other on our lives... and so we just deal with the same old answers when we're asked after.

Wouldn't it be great if .... there are patches for us to download so that we can update on one another's lives?

Couple of flights back, I met this Canadian couple who have been staying in Penang for quite a while. We chatted about how technology and the advances in transportation have made the world a lot smaller, and he told me about the ironies in all these. How he was uncontactable from the rest of the world due to the lack of internet in certain countries, and when he finally did get hold of a computer, he found that his mother had passed on. And when he wanted to book tickets over the phone, he was notified, by a recorded message no less, that the 24-hour phone service had been changed to being operated during office hours. So he went online to book, and found that the website was down due to heavy traffic. A tool created to convenience us, to shorten the time taken in the past, probably isn't such a good thing after all.

So why do we find it difficult to pick up the phone, even if you can't manage the courage to call, to draft out an sms to ask after someone? In this era where everyone, from young kids to even my grandma, owns a mobile, technology still fails to pull us closer to one another.

*****

We all seek to be accepted.... I may not be your perfect choice, but I probably will try to be as perfect as I can. I just want to find someone who can love this imperfect me in the most perfect way possible.

Is that difficult?