how i wish i can just lie down in bed, oblivious to what goes on in the world.... probably stoned unconscious, and see if anyone cares.

and wake up only when things have been settled, when people have moved on, when i know i am ready to be who i was before, when i can be happier.

i can't go on being the present me. i'm mean, i want to hurt people's feelings, i don't care shit about what others think already.

and when i cower under the covers, i sob and sob to no end.

and so i think i want to disappear. forever.

that night jamaican sex god said something that made me ponder the whole night. the exact words i remember not, but it was along the lines of .... nowhere near achieving anything when we're gonna be 26 soon.

hell true. i'm smelling 26 in the distance, and i'm nowhere near what i set out to achieve when i left poly.

what the fuck am i doing with my life?

just let me sleep forever. at least hopefully when i wake up i am famous and have achieved my dreams. even though it means not being able to experience the process. i no longer want to savour my achievements, i just want something to my name.

you get what i mean?