I got back from London 2 days back, but my heart ain't feeling any less heavy.
My bank account's hitting zero (don't ask why) and I am starting to feel the pinch from every cab ride I take. Argh. Time to save up, but how to when I'm leaving for Frankfurt tomorrow on holiday? Damn.
I guess I am ready to leave, I don't mean for my holiday, but from whatever predicament that I am currently in. I guess I've had enough of being inside this vacuum, moving nowhere here nor there. I really don't want people to do the things they think I want, because that would be pointless. I'd very much prefer if you do such things because you want it, and not because you think that's the right thing to say or do to me.
Things have been like that for the past one year, and I foresee it's gonna be like that for a long, long time. Ah well, what to do? Better leave before I find it harder than it already is.
I guess I am upset. But then again, it somehow makes no difference because this might have been how I felt all this while.
I have no one else to blame but myself. Expectations kill, don't they? I got in knowing what the outcome was, and then I allowed myself to change my thinking somehow. Argh. Yeah, I am tired of what's been happening in my life. If a decision hadn't been made, it will never be made. There's no point dragging on... right?
Sigh. But how?
*sits in a corner and sulks*
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
finally on leave!
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1 comment:
Hi there..
I chanced upon on your blog through friendster, and I read a little beyond the first entry. I don't know you, but what you've gone through the past couple of months sounds like what I went through a little over 2 years back.
Just hang in there. The skies will clear up eventually, took me a year and more determination that I thought I had in me. But there's no lying that the process really really hurts.
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