save me...

XC and I were talking about how great it is to be able to meet up even when we are thousands of miles apart. Spent the afternoon travelling out of London, down to Chatham to visit XC at the school and had lunch, catching up on our lives.

It's one thing to live out your dreams and another to live to survive.

These few weeks I've been feeling a little less than happy, and probably that could be the reason why I choose to be alone. With things happening back at home I guess I could make do for some getaway. Yet I have nowhere for me to seek solace. I wanna run away.

And then it comes a point when you want so much to be intoxicated, to just forget momentarily what has been in your mind, but no matter how much you drink and drink, you still stay very, very sober.

Let me take care of you, I want to protect you from hurt and pain. I want to love you, and be there for you always. This sms came in when I least expected it. But I think... I've had enough of all this. For now. And probably the realisation that all the while I've been pretty much alone, even when I was in a relationship has finally hit me.

I just seek for happiness, with someone, anyone, or with myself. That's not gonna be easy... right?

It's only 13 days into 2007 and I already am feeling like shit.

sigh.