hmmm..

it actually does feel good to be part.. of a whole.

good night world.

and then I am 25...

Thank you for all the birthday sms-es on my getting-old day. Hee. But I was down with flu and fever. This year's birthday was the quietest one I've ever had, it didn't feel like a birthday at all. Kinda sad about it though, but it's ok. I chose to be away I guess.

But someone promised me a cake when I come back! So I held him to his promise and had a birthday dinner, complete with cake and 3 bottles of very good vintage wine which we had to persuade and almost beg to open. hehe. But thanks for the lilies... really love the bouquet.

An unexpected call came while I was in LA, and the 5-min talk became a longer one than I thought we could ever possibly have. I guess I need assurance, and at that time I just needed a voice from the past to wake me up.

Had a talk during dinner and I can't stop feeling amazed at how fast time flies and how fast we are all growing up and changed over the years. Even our dear Mr Chia is a proud grandfather. The guys are finishing their uni studies this year, and soon will be out in the working world.

I have many different groups of close friends, all whom I try to make time for, because they hold dear to my heart. But as different as they might be, I love them nonetheless.

A cynic love has made out of me, and I wonder if I ever will be able to... you know...

You don't?

it probably doesn't matter anyway.

an sms earlier this morning...

You'll always be the perfectly imperfect person in my eyes. It will never change.

*beams*

c'est sombre.

Well well...

I just had a very grand reunion dinner. Brother brought gf home this year (I think last year too, but I can't remember) and the 6 of us (Charcoal included) had a rather enjoyable evening talking crap and all. I helped out with the cooking, and sadly the washing as well. All my dear bro did was to pour water for the rest of us. -_-"

And so my MacBook has finally arrived!!! I love love love it! But I love love love my ibook as well, so forget about asking if you guys can have my iBook.

Today... I feel rather... Well, I don't even know how to describe what I am feeling. I figured I would have crumbled long ago if I let my insecurities and everything I ain't confident about get to me. So I joke about everything that actually mattered to me. And sometimes... it still gets to me.

Why liddat?

I can only try my best, ya?

Met up with Joe for a quick cuppa this afternoon when I headed out to meet a client. And 15 minutes became one hour plus. Just... catching up on our lives. I miss long, deep conversations with close friends. Nowadays my conversations are always dotted with...work, work and work. People are always interested in what I do, but some fail to realise that I am not that interested in the job that I am in. Sometimes I want to talk about other things than work. Sometimes I want to be listened to, and not to be the listener. Sometimes I want to talk talk talk, and whine whine whine, and not just forget about what's bothering me and then give sane advice. BUt.. but.. sigh. Sometimes when I am given the chance to talk, words fail me.

Sigh.

Why liddat?!

Anyway anyway, am off tomorrow to Taipei.

Happy Chinese New Year my loves. Hope I make it back in time to join you guys at Mr Chia's. And hope my spirits lift by the time I get back.

valentine's malentine's schmalentine's.

Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely babes and hunks! *SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH*

Never had the habit of celebrating this day though, it was usually with friends and all, but today, i'm here at home with Charcoal, my Valentine, and my TV set to National Geographic. So romantic!

And it being the season of LOVE, plus my birthday's around the corner, I decided to splurge a little and got myself a MacBook, which will arrive in a couple of days! heeee... I am HAPPY. HAPPPPPY!

Oh, I have a question. A very serious question. See ah... I leave Los Angeles on the 20 Feb, and touch down in Taipei on 22 Feb. Because from US over to Asia we lose one day... and since I don't see 21 Feb at all..... Does it mean that I'm gonna be 24 all the way till next year?? Does IT!?!!?

Okie, I'm feeling happy today I dont know why.

Qian is coming home tomorrow!!!!!

So random lah, I am.

hehehe.

how jenn how??!

I got back from Sydney yesterday and slept all the way till this morning. YAWN!

Don't like the daylight savings time thingy. Poor John had to wait an hour for me all because I forgot that Sydney was 3 hours ahead and not 2, and blur me, not realising I was already late when I went down, still said, "Wah! You're early!" Sigh. silly me. And he tried to make me tempted into shopping like crazy by bringing me over to the market. *ROOOOOOAR!* Luckily I had determination! The intermittent rain showers made the whole day dreary.

I don't know what we had to talk about, but we stayed up the whole night to chat and chat. And till I reported for flight. And then I crashed once I hopped into the cab home. And at home? I was totally oblivious to 40 missed calls. and 20 over sms-es.

So this morning I made a last minute decision to meet up with Darren, and we went off to Bugis. Caught up over coffee and bitched about our lives. It's pretty amazing how time flies so fast when we're jet-setting about. And how some of us find it difficult to find someone and settle down proper. Then how some girls are just so materialistic they put it a prerequisite to finding a boyfriend. And how some people hide their relationship status from others...

ARGH! CHARCOAL JUST CAME IN AND DESTROYED MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON!!!

My PC is already down and now my iBook?!?!?!

it's a sign i should get a new MacBook isn't it?

heh heh heh

ARGH! gonna go scold my little rascal.

Sigh.

My room is in such a mess!

I have been wanting to tidy up my room for the longest time ever but all I got about to doing was to pack my wardrobe, to remove all the corporate clothes. Sigh.

My shelf's getting cluttered with books I buy from around the world. Argh. No, not chick flicks.

Damn.

Anyone can clean up my room for me? pretty pleasE?

brissy brisbane

Brisbane was HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

I managed to meet up with Geoff and Loren this time around, and boy was it a long time since we last met! Happy news came and I am more than glad for Loren that she's settling down pretty well in Brissy.

Then it was pancakes with the team and I managed to be dragged to do some shopping with the team girl who usually doesn't shop. Hee... I bought a dress, and a pair of pants! Sale sale salE! But the team girl busted her allowance. hahaHAh.

next up would be Sydney, but I ain't gonna go shopping. Yeah. No no no.

We finally spoke, just before I left for Brisbane. Somehow, it seemed like a sign that we have put the past behind us, and probably back to being friends. It felt like a relief, as if a chapter has closed. Happy. :)

OOohh. I better go prepare to head out. Need to go pick up my new passport.

ho-hum...

Feeling rather upset over certain events happening in my closest friends' lives right now. Mum came in and saw me sobbing and hugging my pillow, and we had a talk. I guess it's inevitable... such things to happen. And no matter how much time and effort we put it, it never seems to be enough.

I realise a lot of thoughts run through my mind when I am just sitting about doing nothing. Lots of aimless thoughts. "What if..." "Should I..." "How..." "Why..." "Can I..." "Where..." "When will I..." "Is he..." "Will she..." "But..." ... It never ends. Even sitting at Starbucks with a cup of cafe latte doesn't do anything to silence the chaos in my head. As I look out into the passing crowd, I wonder what goes on in everyone's minds. And when people walk past and stare at me, I wonder what thoughts run through their heads.

And then you step into a lift full of people. And you can hear the noisy silence almost instantly.

"Shit, am I going to be late for this meeting? Why can't the lift move faster?"
"If only I had worn my other jacket."
"I forgot to call Jamie to make the appointment for tonight! Damn!"
"Is he ever gonna call after last night?"
"There are so many people in this lift! I am claustrophobic!!!"
"Stupid Monday."
"Whose perfume is that? Yucks."
"What if I scream now?"

Oh and the typical one...

"Fuck. Who farted?"

And from the fella who did...

"I hope they don't know it's me. Act nonchalant. Act nonchalant."

Sigh. How do I keep the voices out of my head? I can't stop thinking. and thinking. I'm drowning myself with my thoughts.

*burp*

Got back from Amsterdam this morning and feeling less than energetic. Alesk wasn't free to meet me this time round, so I walked about alone, but this time I did not walk out of the MAP! Laugh u evil twits.

The resident spider outside my room was feverishly spinning webs on the grilles. I'm pretty impressed, within 2 days he managed to spin a total of 5 big webs! Yes I counted cos I was bored. Goosebumps popped up after a while but still I was intrigued.

I wasn't expecting any reply at all when I sms-ed someone to wish him a happy birthday, but was pleasantly surprised when he did reply, even though it was a short one. And after all this time... it probably is best if we just keep it that way.

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
~~ How To Save A Life, The Fray