ho-hum...

Feeling rather upset over certain events happening in my closest friends' lives right now. Mum came in and saw me sobbing and hugging my pillow, and we had a talk. I guess it's inevitable... such things to happen. And no matter how much time and effort we put it, it never seems to be enough.

I realise a lot of thoughts run through my mind when I am just sitting about doing nothing. Lots of aimless thoughts. "What if..." "Should I..." "How..." "Why..." "Can I..." "Where..." "When will I..." "Is he..." "Will she..." "But..." ... It never ends. Even sitting at Starbucks with a cup of cafe latte doesn't do anything to silence the chaos in my head. As I look out into the passing crowd, I wonder what goes on in everyone's minds. And when people walk past and stare at me, I wonder what thoughts run through their heads.

And then you step into a lift full of people. And you can hear the noisy silence almost instantly.

"Shit, am I going to be late for this meeting? Why can't the lift move faster?"
"If only I had worn my other jacket."
"I forgot to call Jamie to make the appointment for tonight! Damn!"
"Is he ever gonna call after last night?"
"There are so many people in this lift! I am claustrophobic!!!"
"Stupid Monday."
"Whose perfume is that? Yucks."
"What if I scream now?"

Oh and the typical one...

"Fuck. Who farted?"

And from the fella who did...

"I hope they don't know it's me. Act nonchalant. Act nonchalant."

Sigh. How do I keep the voices out of my head? I can't stop thinking. and thinking. I'm drowning myself with my thoughts.