i fucking hate this.

i also want to feel safe. like... secure. and protected. and to know that .. what you tell me is the same as what you tell others.

sadly... it isn't so. and it made me feel that i'm not worthy.

*****

lawrence and i met up for lunch today, with a little baby girl in tow. because of my sudden craving for a&w's coney dog (which we no longer have the privilege to enjoy) i dragged him to superdog. and we chomped on our hotdogs in the dreaded hot weather. not that yummy but will do. and having a conversation which made me feel comfortable finally and a little adorable angel made the day in the heat all worth it.

*****

how does someone claim to love one, and yet not let go of the past? and think of someone else when you're together. why drag on with someone new when you constantly wonder if you want to get back to the past?

i fucking hate mind games, or people messing around with my heart, or anyone else's heart for that matter.

yes, you read that right. I FUCKING hate it. in due time, i suppose.

Breakdown by daughtry

Open up the book you beat me with again.
Read it off one sentence at a time.
I'm tired of all the lines,
Convictions and your lies.
What right do you have to point at me?

Well, I'm sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee.
And still crowdin' my space are the things you still hold against me.
You cannot save me.

Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to break up this love,
Keep it together now.
It's not the time to break.

Read it all, no need for separating it.
You see what you want and try to justify.
All your little lines,
Convictions and your lies.
What right do you have to point at me?

Well, I'm sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee.
And still crowdin' my space are the things you still hold against me.
You cannot save me.

Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to breakdown.
It's not the time to break up this love,
Keep it together now.
It's not the time to break.

Open up the book you beat me with again.
Read it off one sentence at a time.

Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to breakdown.
Well, it's not the time to break up this love,
Keep it together now.
Well, it's not the time to break,
Breakdown.