if there's one obsession i have, it's the pleasure of seeing my painted red nails sparkle with the top coat added on.

yeah yeah, it's still early for me to just touch up my nails, but i've planned for a day and night of shopping and since i'm leaving early tomorrow morning, i might as well paint it now and dedicate my time at night for stuffing everything into my bags before i concuss for sleep right? i ain't exactly a loner, but sometimes i love shopping alone. i ain't that keen on the usual places the other girls like to visit, like wu fen pu and xi men ding, and i won't trade in my precious shopping time in taipei just to go along with them. would rather head out to the university area and get what i want from there. with what's worth, everything is just about the same here.

as i was shopping along the streets last night, i thought i heard someone call me by my pet name. and i was like, only 2 people i know call me that, so i paid no attention and walked on, just to have someone tap me on the shoulder and "eh you deaf ah?!" so amongst the crowd both of us went WHAT THE?! .. the chances of bumping into someone, whom you haven't seen in a while at home, is pretty slim. but well, it was good, though the encounter was short. and then back to more shopping along the streets.

it's been a while since i communicated with someone over email, and with instant chat programs now, i feel kinda repressed knowing that questions i ask and answers i give won't be read until... until the recipient reads the email. and then i remember the excitement i used to get in the past when snail mail was still popular whenever i opened the mailbox. how friends and i used to send letters to one another even though we meet everyday in school. i think probably i still like seeing notes addressed to me whenever i open the mailbox (note: change of flights notes sometimes not considered).

mum has been visiting dad in hospital everyday, during the times when no one else might be around, and even though i seldom talk about dad these few days, he's always at the back of my mind, and i inevidently tear whenever i think about him. no longer having bickers with him over how much snacks he should feed charcoal, or leaving his food unattended because charcoal might snatch it away kinda makes everything else bleak at home. i've taken to looking through old photographs with dad and missing all the time i could have spent knowing him a little better, despite all the odds against mum, brother and i. it's been.. 4 months? and somehow though his condition has stabilised, it's still saddening to know that he doesn't really remember much. and seeing him lie in bed helpless, compared to in the past when his loud booming voice echoes from the bedroom because he doesn't know which number to press for the news channel... makes me break down whenever i peep in from outside the door to his ward. just because i stopped talking about it.. doesn't mean i no longer care. but mum's stronger than i am, and despite the fact i feel like the provider at home in monetary terms, she provides endless emotional support for me whenever i need it.

time flies so fast, things happen so suddenly and unexpectedly, i wonder if i can still catch up. and when this kid corrected me when i asked "so you're six years old this year?" with an indignant "NO! i am six and a half", i turned around and told the mum, "and a half matters to us when we were a lot younger, now we omit the and-a-halfs and the and-three-quarters as much as we can." to which she agreed and laughed. do i miss being young? yes and no. but time has matured me and taught me so much in a way no amount of education ever can.

i have recurring dreams often... but what do recurring dreams from... say many years back... mean? what are they trying to tell me? and why do i struggle to remember when i first had these dreams in the dreams? everything is so deja vu, even to the point when i wake up and stare straight at the ceiling feeling puzzled.