Of fear and dreams...

Met up with Angie & Stella today after a long period of... disappearance. Well, kinda.

A lot has had happened since our last meet up, which was... which.. was... er, erm.. during my hospital stay? At least I get to chat with Stella more frequently than with Angie, to catch up on details in our lives.

Today when we met up, we all had something in common: we have ex-boyfriends whom we all know pretty well. *laughs* But one thing they have in common that I don't, is new boyfriends. I'm just not ready. I've too many things I want to do and accomplish before I get involved in a relationship again. It takes a lot of effort, y'know? I'm no longer a student with lots of time and youth. I guess there are more important things in life calling out to me now.

And then when his name was brought up during lunch, I sort of flinched, and felt a little uncomfortable. But, hey, the best way to get over something is to confront it.

Ah well. I'm still never going to watch horror flicks to get over this fear. No way, amigos.

One of my greatest wish when I was young was to pursue my interest in music. I dreamt of being in London, at the Royal Academy of Music. But slowly, I realised that music wouldn't get me far in Singapore, and had to give up. Right now, I would give for anything to be able to pursue this dream again. But the fear of being poor financially kinda puts me off.

That's the problem with us huh, we are more concerned about the practicalities than what would make us happy and satisfied. I wish I had the courage to follow my dream.

Suddenly have the urge to do rock wall climbing. Haven't done that in.. ages. Wonder if the rock wall can hold my weight.

Eh brothers! Night cycling how huh?!

Huh?!

Comment allez-vous? *

Had my first French class today, and Pascal (my French tutor) is a really funny guy. Typical French lah, sarcastic and funny. Miaw said that if I could master French by end of this year, we shall go France and grab French guys. So yeah, motivation.

And I don't understand what's with scaring people. My fault lah, I stupidly switched to Channel 5 and watched Incredible Tails Tales by accident. Now I'm spooked.

Yes, I'm timid. So what huh?!

*: means How are you? in French

Fuck horror movies

The freaking Maid trailer is on Channel 5 now, and it's a freaking long one. At the witching hour?! Crap.

I hate horror movies. I really do.

Will you remember me?

Today as I was walking along the places he and I used to frequent, I couldn't control the memories which flooded my mind, memories which I haven't visited in a long while; memories which I struggled to keep within the depths of my soul, my mind.

I felt horrible. I felt alone in the crowd. And I wondered, briefly, if he would ever think of me.

Yet, I know the answer.

I wondered if he ever remembered me, given his bad memory.

And I guess, not.

I once said this to him, when we were still friends, how it is weird that a person who used to be so so close to you can suddenly be out of your life, from a confidante to a stranger on the streets, from a lover to just an acquaintance. How a couple can end up being familiar strangers... how two people feel distanced even when they are next to each other. Familiar strangers, that's what we are.

Sometimes I wish I could cry, but crying is such a hard thing to do. Yes, at times I do feel very tired of staying happy even when I'm not, but how long can I stay upset? Without me, his world will go on turning...

This song from LeAnn Rimes pretty much says what I am feeling now.

Please Remember

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And you're left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time I had you with me
Though we go our seperate ways
I wont forget so don't forget
The memories we made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Please remember our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
I'll never know again

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
And remember, please remember me

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you and you were there for me
Please remember our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me

And how we laughed and how we smiled
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast we ride so free
I had you and you had me
Please remember, please remember

Will you?

Signs you are super bored at home...

I have started to train Charcoal how to play the piano. He just sits there with a helpless look on his face.

I have started singing songs, from nursery songs to pop, from oldies to retro, in all languages. Hell I should even start training him how to sing Chinese New Year songs so that he can get ang pows during CNY. But training hasn't been really effective so far, he suddenly learnt how to get out of my singing, by covering his ears or pretending to sleep. Yes, pretend. Because, after I stop singing, he will wake up and run away.

I have started to teach him the alphabets. He gets bored and tries to tear up the cards.

I have been teaching him nonsensical things like getting the remote control for me, and switching channels. All, to no avail.

Yes. I am THAT bored despite having lots of work to do.

Bushed.

Just finished unpacking and doing the laundry. Funny thing is, I didn't buy a lot of things from HK/ Shenzhen, but my laundry seems never ending. Sucks.

And my fetish with stationery? Sigh. I was in Sogo at Causeway Bay, and saw they had a sale on Winnie the Pooh products. And... well... erm, I saw lots and lots of letter pads, notebooks, note pads, etc, well, you should know what happened next. My travel partner had to unload my goods for me while I protested.

So I came back with only 6 stationery items. (SUCKS!!!) I am so not happy.

Today I met Stella for lunch and the 2 unemployed ones hung out at One Fullerton for lunch. Sinful, but nice. Then we adjourned to my place where we were duly entertained by Charcoal's antics. See, friends who haven't met me in a long time all suddenly want to meet me, or rather, Charcoal. They all love me.

I'm pretty hooked onto this Soduku game. What you have to do is to put in numbers (1-9) into each square, and make sure the number is not repeated in the same row, column, or 3x3 square. I picked up this puzzle book from HK International Airport, and have been stuck doing the puzzles since. Shucks man. Numbers are in my head now.

Hungry now. Gotta search for food.

I am back!

I am back from Hong Kong... and had the chance to visit Shenzhen also. True to what many say, Shenzhen is a land of beauties. Weather in Hong Kong and Shenzhen was horrid, it was raining and raining and raining and raining. The rain was so heavy some old buildings in certain parts threatened to collapse. Luckily for me, the hotel was sturdy. Thank goodness. I go HK almost every year and this is the first time I encounter such weather.

Shopping wasn't that great, the rain drowned my spirits, but after I returned to Hong Kong from Shenzhen the weather turned for the better. Ate a lot, shopped a little, honestly, I still prefer shopping in Bangkok.

Shenzhen is a land of fakes, and we even got counterfeit money. My goodness, the fake RMB 100 bill felt so real we didn't notice till the shopowner told us.

Now very very tired from unpacking, and I lost my last toenail. Pain. Ouch.

Need sleep. Walked a lot a lot a lot.

Laters friends.

Off to Hong Kong!

Dear darlings

I'm off to Hong Kong, Pearl of the Orient! For shopping, eating, shopping and eating! And also, *sigh* business.

Will be back on either Tuesday, or Wednesday.

Till then, miss me.

Love,

Wildly Tame.

I is ah lian wannabe

Lim-bu is ah lian lah. Lim-bu eh brog talk ah beng language lah. Sibeh hiong boh. Wa si sui sui eh lian.

Jenn the dua lian brog

via Kenny Sia

A pleasant surprise...

I just had someone from my past visit me.

Lawrence is an ex boyfriend who became a very good friend after a while. We were together when I was in secondary 2 (if my memory doesn't fail me) and we parted cos I found out he was two-timing me after 3 weeks being together. Or rather, he didn't part with his then-girlfriend before we got together, and all of this, I didn't know. Well, I wasn't that into him then, cos when I was young, I had boyfriends for the sake of having them. Yes I did have feelings for him, but they weren't deep enough for me to want to cry a river for him. After that he did try to get back together with me, but since he had to go back to Italy with his family, I thought that would never ever work out, so we remained friends. Till today.

He used to be very cute-looking, being an Eurasian (Dad's Italian, Mum's Shanghainese) and now, he looks great! The last time I saw him was during my poly days, when he came here for a short business trip. All the while he's been a very caring friend, whenever I am upset he would send me nice little notes via email, sms, snail mail... very sweet little gestures which made me feel loved.

Then when I was in my last relationship, our friendship faltered a little. Lawrence was busy with work, and I, busy with maintaining my relationship and being in love. Our frequent emails became once-in-a-while kinda stuffs, and I didn't even get to meet him when he came here once.

And when I was very very heartbroken last year, he called from Italy when he heard about it from a common friend and chatted with me till dawn, AND made the effort to visit me even when he was in Singapore for just a short 3 hour transit.

It's almost like we've been in a "long-term" relationship for close to, 8 years? But I guess things wouldn't have worked out if I had chosen to go back to him then. Trust was a big issue, and maintaining a long-distance relationship? Tough work baby.

He came by with my favourite favourite wine, and chocolates! I could fall in love with him there and then, but...

I can't.

And he knows it.

So, sigh. I'm doomed to remain single forever.

Jenn cuielle des pommes...

Bonjour!

It's official, darlings, I am down with flu.

And I don't know who on earth I got it from. The last I spoke to someone down with flu was on Sunday with Neo, but that was over the phone! And well, on Monday I started feeling...flu-ish.

Now my voice sounds nasal. "Harnoou, kahn i speek to Neon?" This is how I talk now.

Going Hong Kong on Friday, and then Shenzhen, but heard over the news last night that China is facing a shortage of petrol. Great. That's what I need. What's gonna happen to shopping?

My French classes will start one week after I come back from my trip, and kinda looking forward to that. Should be fun. I can finally expand my limited French vocabulary from just "Bonjour!" to much much more. Then I can charm the pants off some French hunks.

Ooo Lala!

Willy Wonka... Willy Wonka...

Last evening, I met the girls to watch Charlie & The Chocolate Factory at Jurong Point. Haven't been there in a long long while, and that place hasn't changed much since the last time I was there.

Irene was very very generous to give us 2 free tickets to the show, so last night the 4 of us only paid $3.50 each for 4 tickets! Woo hoO~ But when I was at PS to take the tickets from her, I saw the lifestyle figure of The Maid near the ticket booth. Well, actually I was standing next to it without knowing it, so when I turned around I jumped out of my skin (again!) and ran away. THEY SURE HAVE FUN SCARING PEOPLE!

And since the movie last night, the song about Willy Wonka in the movie has been stuck in my head. "Willy Wonka...WIlly Wonka..." I don't remember the exact lyrics, but the TUNE is in my head. Argh! A friend said that the best way to get rid of a tune in your head is to get another tune to overwrite it. Yeah, like that helps.

The movie was alright, but I pretty enjoyed it cos I loved reading Roald Dahl's works when I was young. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, The BFG... were among the books that I read (yes, used to be a bookworm and pretty much still a bookworm if I can afford the time to read). Er, the part I didn't really like was that the movie was full of singing and dancing... and all the little people (the oompa loompas?) HAD THE SAME FACE! I've never seen Johnny Depp's teeth that much before. Kinda cute. His hairstyle sucks though, I have a similar hairstyle, but very much longer than his.

When I was young and reading the story, I used to imagine being in Wonka's factory and drinking chocolate from the factory. I am a sucker for chocolates, especially thick dark chocolate. The darker it is the more I love it. And after the movie, I had the strong urge to grab all chocolates in sight. Damn. My diet's gonna fail again. Er, actually no, cos I haven't started any dieting.

Okie, I'm off to get a lunch treat from June! Laters~

Buffet List

I am very hungry now. Saw this list on Finicky Feline's blog, and shamelessly asked her for it.

Not sure if the prices are still the same, but so far I think everything looks ok. I can't wait to try the food!

Here goes:

The Fullerton Singapore - Gourmet Buffet Dinner
Where: Town Restaurant (tel: 6877-8128)
When: 6.30-10.30pm, Mondays to Saturdays
Cost: Starts from $28+++
What: Rolled out on April 8, the buffet allows diners to mix and match meals. They can pick from various main courses and help themselves to the Gourmet Appetiser Buffet and Gourmet Dessert Buffet, which cost $20+++ and $15+++ respectively on their own. There is also the Seafood Tower at $28+++ per person or $48+++ for two.
Or
They can opt for the Appetiser and Dessert Buffet ($25+++),Seafood Tower and Dessert Buffet ($65+++ for two) and Seafood Tower with Appetiser and Dessert Buffet ($98+++ for two).

Conrad Centennial Singapore - Big Breakfast Buffet
Where: Oscar’s Cafe & Terrace (tel: 6432-7481)
When: 7am-3pm every Sunday
Cost: $28+++ (adult); $14+++ (child)
What: Launched in March this y ear, it serves everything from muffins to dimsum and seafood fried rice. The highlight is the vitamin corner, which includes a juice bar. From 11am, pay $40+++ to combine the breakfast spread with the carving of the day.

M Hotel Singapore - Sunday High Curry
Where: Cafe 2000 (tel: 6421-6222)
When: Noon-3pm every Sunday
Cost: $28+++ (adult); $14+++ (child)
What: What started off as a pure curry buffet in February this year now includes a Western spread. This includes roast prime ribs and Yorkshire pudding. The fish head curry is highly recommended.

Shangri-La’s Rasa Sentosa Resort - Brunch ‘N’ Plunge
Where: Sharkey’s (tel: 6371-1071)
When: 12.30-3pm
Cost: $39.50+++ (adult); children 12 years and below are charged half price
What: Enjoy a great sea view and free use of pool facilities as you tuck into the buffet introduced in June last year. Barbecue items such as pork ribs and tiger king prawns, and local favourites like fried oyster omelette and kueh, dominate the spread.

Grand Copthorne Waterfront Hotel - Children’s Buffet
Where: Cafe Brio’s (tel: 6233-1100)
When: Noon-3pm every Sunday
Cost: Free for kids aged 10 and below, accompanied by adults paying for the Sunday Brunch ($50+++ or $65+++ with free flow of champagne, wine and beer)
What: The spread made its debut last year and offers such items as mini hot dogs, burgers and chicken nuggets. There are also activities such as magic shows and balloon sculpting.

Raffles The Plaza - Plaza Market Peranakan Buffet
Where: Plaza Market Cafe (tel: 6431-6156)
When: Noon-2.30pm and 6.30-10.30pm daily; high tea from 12.30-5pm (Sat, Sun & public holiday)
Cost: Lunch costs $25+++ (adult) and $13+++ (child); dinner costs $30+++ and $15+++ respectively; High tea is $23+++ and $12+ ++ respectively
What: The showcase of authentic Peranakan cuisine was introduced last year and the ayam buah keluak and durian pudding have won fans.

The Fullerton Singapore - Chocolate Buffet
Where: The Courtyard (tel: 6877-8129)
When: 8-11pm every Friday and Saturday
Cost: $24+++ (adult); $12+++ (child)
What: Since 2002, chocolate lovers have been indulging in treats such as the chocolate mango yoghurt mousse. The drink station with its premium chocolate-blended drinks is the highlight.

Meritus Negara Singapore - Local Delights Lunch Buffet
Where: Claymore Cafe (tel: 6831-6686)
When: Noon-2.30pm Mondays to Fridays, except public holidays. Brunch is served on weekends from noon-4pm.
Cost: $16.90+++ for weekdays and $19.90+++ for weekend brunch. Children pay $9.90+++ for both.
What: It started off as the Yong Tau Foo Buffet in 1997 but local favourites like laksa were added last month. The duck noodles and prawn mee soup are big draws.

Swissotel Merchant Court Singapore - Buffet Lunch & Dinner
Where: Ellenborough Market Cafe (tel: 6239-1848)
When: Noon-2.30pm, 6.30-10pm daily
Cost: $19.90+++ for lunch and $24.90+++ for dinner on weekdays, $25.90+++ for weekend dinner.
Children pay $11.90+++ for lunch, $13.90+++ for weekday dinner and $14.90+++ for weekend dinner.
What: This spread with a strong nonya component has gained fame since 1997 and the star remains the durian pengat, a yummy mousse. Other must-haves include the slipper lobster in black bean sauce and abalone mushroom noodles.

The Ritz-Carlton Millenia Singapore - Sunday Champagne Brunch
Where: Greenhouse (tel: 6434-5288)
When: 11.30am-3.30pm every Sunday
Cost: $88+++ (adult); $45+++ (child)
What: The extensive spread launched in 1996 includes 25 appetisers, 50 types of farmhouse cheese from France and local, Indian and Western specialities. There are 16 sections in all, including the popular oyster, sashimi and souffle. Wash everything down with Moet & Chandon champagne.

Four Seasons Hotel Singapore - Sunday Brunch At One-Ninety
Where: One-Ninety (tel: 6831-7250)
When: There are two sittings: 11am-1pm and 1.30pm-3pm
Cost: $ 68+++ (adult) and $30+++ (child); Pay $98+++ to add free flow of Veuve Clicquot champagne.
What: This eight-year-old brunch has 20 hot and cold stations offering fresh oysters, sukiyaki, dimsum and pasta. The sinful dessert buffet station carries 25 sweet treats. Kids get their own spread and activities.

Hotel Inter-Continental - Olive Tree Mediterranean Buffet
Where: Olive Tree Mediterranean Restaurant (tel: 6431-1061)
When: 11.30am-2.30pm for lunch (Mon-Fri) and 6.30-10.30pm for dinner (Sun-Thu)
Cost: $39+++ for lunch and $52+++ for dinner. Free for children under seven years. Those aged between 7 and 12 years will be charged according to their age. For instance, a seven-year-old will be charged $7+++ and a 10-year-old will pay $10+++.
What: It has attracted a strong following since 1995. The menu changes daily and offers more than 20 items, including the popular seafood on ice and pasta.

Copthorne King’s Hotel - Penang Buffet
Where: Princess Terrace (tel: 6318-3168)
When: 11.30am-2.30pm (3.30pm on weekends and public holidays) and 6.30-10pm daily
Cost: $28+++ (adult) and $20+++ (child);
What: One of the best-known spreads around, this buffet used to feature 28 items but now offers about 40. These include must-have dishes such as Penang laksa, Penang Hokkien mee soup, and Penang char kway teow.

Grand Hyatt Singapore - The Pete’s Place Salad
Where: Pete’s Place (tel: 6416-7113)
When: 11.30am-2.30pm (Mon-Sat) and 6-10.30pm daily
Cost: $16+++; It costs $19.50+++ if you throw in soup and dessert, and $26+++ with the pasta main courses. Children pay $19.50+++ and get the whole works.
What: Toss your own greens from the fresh selection of 20 main salads, nine toppings and five dressings. If you are going for the pasta, try the signature dish, Cioppino, a tomato-base seafood pasta.

Royal Plaza On Scotts - International Buffet High-Tea
Where: Cafe Vienna (tel: 6589-7799)
When: 3-5.30pm (Mon-Fri); Noon-5pm (weekends, eves and public holidays)
Cost: $18.50+++ (adult) and $9.25+++ (child) for weekdays and $24.50+++(adult)and $12.25+++ (child) for weekends, eves and public holidays
What: Launched in the 1980s, the spread includes more than 80 Asian favourites and Western treats, of which the bread and butter pudding is most famous. It is also one of the few eateries in town that serve halal buffets.

Goodwood Park Hotel - Local High Tea
Where: Coffee Lounge (tel: 6730-1746)
When: 2.45-5pm daily
Cost: $18.80 +++ (adult) and $9.40+++ (child).
What: What started as a Straits Chinese spread now comprises more than 20 items, including dimsum and local and Western fare. There are also cooking stations that whip up roti prata and popiah. The apom berkuah with banana sauce, a Peranakan dessert, has been the hot favourite since day one.

Hotel Phoenix - International Buffet Lunch & Dinner
Where: Phoenix Garden Cafe (tel: 6233-6129)
When: Noon-2.30pm and 6.30-10pm daily; a Local Hi-tea Buffet is also served daily from 3.30-5.30pm.
Cost: $23+++ for lunch and $25+++ for dinner; children pay $16.50+++ and $17.50+++ respectively
What: There are about 50 items in the spread, more than double that when it made its debut. More soups and salads are now on offer, to suit the health-conscious palate of Singaporeans today. The signature dish - roti prata - is a must-try, as is the durian cake.

Hotel Royal - Tropical Peking-Style Steamboat Buffet
Where: Jade Room Restaurant (tel: 6251-8135)
When: 11.15am-2.30pm and 6.15-10.30pm daily Cost: $13.80+++ for lunch and $18.80+++ for dinner. Children pay $9+++ and $12+++ respectively. On weekends, eves and public holidays, adults pay $16.80+++ and $19.80+++ respectively.
What: The tangy dipping sauce, concocted from 13 ingredients including sesame, peanuts, chilli and vinegar, is the secret weapon here. Diners can take their pick from 32 items, including sea cucumber, fresh prawns and peking dumpling. There is also a choice of 10 cooked dishes such as fried chicken wings.

York Hotel - Penang Hawkers’ Fare
Where: White Rose Cafe (tel: 6737-0511 ext 1156)
When: Held traditionally during school holidays in March and September for 17 days each time, the buffet sometimes has an extra run in December.
Cost: $21.80+++ (adult) and $17.80+++ (child) for lunch and dinner.
What: The first-come-first-served spread is one of the most widely-anticipated culinary draws here. Hawkers from Penang’s Gurney Drive set up stalls offering perennial favourites such as Penang laksa, cuttlefish kang kong and crispy lor bak.

Raffles Hotel - International Buffet High Tea
Where: Tiffin Room (tel: 6331-1612)
When: 3.30- 5pm daily
Cost: $31.50+++ (adult) and $18+++ (child)
What: The high tea has earned a name for its indulgent spread and service. The scones with jam, butter and whipped cream, chicken pie and dim sum are top draws. Tiffin Room is also famous for its curry buffets.

Meritus Mandarin Singapore - International Buffet
Where: Triple 3, The Buffet Restaurant (tel: 6831-6271/72)
When: Noon-3pm and 6.30-10:30pm daily
Cost: Lunch costs $41.80+++ (adult) and $24.80+++ (child), while dinner is priced at $52+++ and $32+++ respectively.
What: Formerly known as The Stables, the restaurant now offers more than 60 dishes, comprising 22 appetisers, 20 types of hot food and 20 choices of dessert. There is a different theme each month, but the baked honey-glazed ham, roast prime rib of beef, salmon sashimi and rock oysters are trademark items.

via FF's post on Buffets

So today is Sunday.

Been feeling really relaxed this few days, so relaxed till my constipation problem is gone.

So today I decided to be a darling and brought Charcoal to the West Coast dogrun to play with the other dogs. So today I decided to be adventurous and walk from home to the park, which I estimated very wrongly to be a half hour's walk. In the end, I walked for a freaking 1 hour and 10 minutes in the hot afternoon sun before I finally reached.

Doesn't help that I had to carry Charcoal for more than half the way.

So today Jann and Jace decided to bring Joy Joy and Zaizai down to the dogrun as well. So today Charcoal was almost raped by Spot, a Jack Russell Terrier of the same sex. So today Charcoal attracted quite a number of dogs, males, females and others. Then he ran so far so fast I lost sight of him after a while. And kinda looked dumb standing in the middle of the field trying to find him.

So after the trip to the dogrun Jann & Jace decided to come to my place. So I made them walk the 1 hour plus journey with me. So I thought i did quite a good workout today. So I indulged in unhealthy fast food. So I ate a tube of pringles. So now I feel satisfied. Must replenish energy loss after the strenous workout.

I digress a little. I was feeling rather hungry, until Charcoal farted in his sleep. All appetite lost.

And so I read Gigi's blog, and she called my darling Charcoalwacoaldunnowatelse. Thanks for making Charcoal a bra advertisement.

Ok, I'm sleepy now.

I hate horror movies.


You see what see huh?

I want to vote!

It's a walkover! Dammit!

When can I actually get to vote huh?!

It's the 7th lunar month you know?

I am terrified of ghosts, whether they are around or not.

Especially when it's *whisper* during the 7th lunar month - Hungry Ghosts' Festival.

Yes, I am timid. VERY timid in fact. Any insects which fly, I run for cover. Mum always chided me for being afraid of something so much smaller than I am, but I can't help it! I'm not afraid of lizards, snails or things like that, cos I can at least predict their route of travel. Flying insects.... *shudders*... What if they land on my head??!

Ok, but that's not the main point. I am sick and tired of having to switch channels when the trailer for The Maid comes on. Then when I take the bus, it's on TV Mobile!

Last night I was scared out of my wits. I always thought that the billboards at bus stops were a great idea, as people will look at them when they are waiting for the bus. I was waiting for the bus to Holland V at the bus stop outside The British Council. And was looking at this Marigold Yogurt drink poster on the scrolling billboard... when suddenly, the poster of The Maid scrolled down! I jumped in my seat and almost screamed. Well, actually I did let out a little yelp and wanted to run away, but paiseh lah, there were 3 other people at the stop. From the corner of my eye, I saw the poster was gone, so I looked back in that direction and made a mental note to look away when the yogurt poster came on. But fuck fuck fuck #@%#@%#@%, the billboard can actually reverse scroll(if there's such a term)!

And then the bus came, I got on, and guess what's on TV Mobile? EH! Got nothing to screen ah! What's so entertaining about scaring people! Stress lah stress lah, I went Holland V with the jitters, and when I took the lift home, I was hoping there was no scary old man standing behind me (ala The Eye).

Should I start covering the screens of my monitor and TV with cloth/ paper? In case I see something in the reflection? (The Ring)

Stress lah stress lah.

Yes, Jenn is a scaredy cat. Laugh all you want you evil people.

Watching as people pass me by....

It feels awfully great to slack.

I am now having my lunch in Coffeebean @ Taka. Lunch is just ice blended chocolate and a sandwich. I thought I ordered a chicken sandwich, but, halfway through lunch I realised I was served beef instead. And I checked the receipt, blur me didnt check with the server whether the order was right or wrong. But well, beef on pita bread is really nice. I love pita bread!

It stated lean beef on the menu, but what was presented was lean beef, with lots of tough fatty meat, I couldn't chew through them, and had to cut them away. And the salad... the cabbage was DRENCHED with mayonnaise! How to eat like that!??!?! I'm supposed to be on diet you know?!??!HUH HUH HUH???

Ok, I'm being cranky cos it's only 4pm, and lessons don't start till around 7pm. What am I supposed to do till then? Surf till I sibeh song then go window shopping. Me no moolah. Can only see and drool in front of the shops.

Devoid. Of. Sex Sleep.

A sleepy Jenn is an angry Jenn.

Was awakened in the middle of the night by Pierre, who called all the way from London just to gripe about how his heart ached whenever the fireworks were displayed. Taxpayers' money!!! he shouted into the phone. Men.

So today I went to class in my capacity as a full-time student. Felt great! Decided to change my image today, wore specs to class. Well, for 15 minutes, no one could recognise me. I don't look that different what! I look am studious! Argh, then I had a hard time keeping awake cos I was so sleepy.

Yeah and I'm now typing this entry with half closed eyes. My eyes are pretty small by the way, so I can't really see anything now.

We women need our beauty sleep. And my wrath has been incurred. Stormy weather in the days ahead.

Of boring days and tough weather...

Right now, I would love to have a glass of champagne in my hand.

Managed to finish an *cough* assignment long due this afternoon, and before that, I went down to TP to find Gigi. It's been a long while since I last visited TP after graduation, and I don't know what feelings I have towards it. I mean, I've had great times there, and I've had my most heartbreaking experience there too... and well, I don't know how much it has changed, cos I dragged Charcoal along and I doubt it would be nice to bring him into the school.

Haven't been resting much since I quit my job. Rather funny, cos I've been trying to fill my time with a lot of things I always didn't have time for... like going out with Mum, meeting up with friends for lunch... I need to do some reading! Assignments!!!

Ah well, was thinking about what job I want to get.

When I was very young, I yearned to be a teacher. It seemed so cool to have a pointer, and point to the big big words in the big big books while all the children go silent while listening to the stories. I used to bug mum for a pointer, and I remember one cost about $6 in those days (mind you, not too far away, cos I am still rather young). I would then sit my cousins and brother down, take a story book and try pathetically to point using my pointer, and read them stories from the books. Then when I grew up, I had the opportunity to do relief teaching at some primary schools, and by then I've worn out my teaching desire. Teaching is a great job to be in, the children can really climb over your head bring you lots of joy. Had fun with the kids when I was teaching... Their innocence and zeal to share never fail to astound me.

I love music, and since young, I've been playing the piano. I am full of admiration for my piano teacher, for whenever her fingers are on the keyboard, they seem to just dance around like magic. I wished then, to be a piano teacher when I grow up, and used to coach my brother on the piano (yes, he learnt piano for a while) the same way my piano teacher taught me. In the past few years, I have been teaching piano lessons to 2 little boys, and they are very talented and adorable! So, piano teaching desire satisfied.

I love singing, and always thought choral conductors were great musicians and magicians. The choir sings at the mercy of the wand, or so I thought then. So when I was in the choir in secondary school, I was given the title Student Conductor due to my musical background, and during a concert, did my maiden role as a conductor for a song. It felt weird having the whole choir stare down at me, and, though I wasn't that great as a conductor, I'm still proud of my contribution to the choir. That said, conductor desire satisfied.

Then I had this dream to be an actress. I was in the Drama Club in primary school, and I liked acting, as it allows me to be anyone I want to be. I took part in plays, I did silly little acts, and it was fun! Well, I satisfied that desire too, by being a TV extra during the same time I was doing relief teaching (after 'O' levels). I wasn't in there just to be with the artistes... it was nice getting to know the artistes personally, albeit not close, after a while. The money was great too! Just need to walk here and there then job is over. Acting isn't an easy job... everyone plays a part in making the production work. Ok, acting desire satisfied.

Oh, and once I wanted to be a chef. Yeap. I can cook. Edible or not... that's another story altogether. I love eating, and am always fazed by the cooking shows on TV. Then in poly, as I was doing Hospitality Management, I had the opportunity to work in the restaurant run by our coursemates as a cook. Well, I love it! That's the most memorable time in my poly days... I still wish to be a chef though, but I'm just not willing to get the low pay, and slog the rest of my life away. It takes time for someone to reach the position of Executive Chef. Cooking desire, satisfied, but could be more..

I had wanted to be an events organiser, a chairperson, and just to be in charge. That opportunity jumped at me when I was involved in student activities in the poly. Had to run a few events, some I helped out, some I organised, and yeah, it was great fun. Learnt a lot of things from all that I participated... and again... desires satisfied.

Sigh. All my desires satisfied. So how now? What to do now? Must think of more desires to fulfil.

But then again, perhaps I'm holding back from doing the things I want to do. I love arts, performing arts especially, but yet I fear that if I should devote myself to arts, I would not be able to earn as much as I could if I am in another industry. Sad truth huh. I am bound by the norm, and what bullshit about following your dreams? Unless I can convince myself that money is not everything... I doubt I would ever get to do something I really really love.

Insanely,
Me.

40 years of independence...

Watching the National Day Parade 2005 now, and feeling rather patriotic. The fleet of fighter planes just flew past my area, managed to snap a few pictures, but then, they weren't clear at all. *kicks self in ass*

Anyway, much as I think that having the parade at the Padang is good, the sight of tall office buildings in the background seems to make the whole parade cold, short of the warm human crowd. This year's parade doesn't seem as lively as previous years, though they brought the celebration right to the heartlands. I guess the National Stadium is still the best place for NDP.

I actually wanted to do a list of 40 things that remind me of Singapore, but I gave up at point 22. I mean, I don't need a list of things to tell me why I love Singapore right? Singapore is where my family and friends are, sufficient for 40 reasons right?

Just saw the fireworks from Jurong East area. Pretty curious... would people from the space station think that Singapore is on fire? The fireworks display is on at Jurong East, Yishun, Tampines, and Marina Bay at the same time. So from space, would it seem like Singapore is on fire?

Charcoal was pretty amused by the whole display. He watched with curious eyes, then growled when it didn't end. He's been poking his nose into everything, and right now, he's watching me type away at the iBook.

Alrighty, time to go back to doing my assignment. Had quite a bit to feast on today. Have a sudden craving for sushi though... argh...

Happy National Day!

Singapore is 40 years old today!

Woke up at 10am today, which is rather funny, for I seldom sleep past 8am even though I don't have to work. The only few times I sleep past 8 are when I reach home at 6am after clubbing the night away, or when I'm ill. Well, I didn't exactly get a full rested sleep, kept waking up though. Charcoal ate a bee, and was coughing around 5 am, so I had to wake up and save him. Then at 8am, I woke up, but forced myself to go back to sleep cos it's a holiday! (I realised after I woke up that the next few days would be holidays for me unless I get a new job.)

It's bright and sunny now, feel like going down to Sentosa and getting a tan, but I'm lazy, so I scrapped that idea. Then I thought of baking some cakes, but I'm lazy to buy the stuffs, so I scrapped that idea. Then I thought of going swimming downstairs, but I'm lazy, so again, I scrapped that idea. Then I thought of cleaning up the house, but I'm lazy, so *cough* I scrapped the idea. Then I decided I was lazy and should sleep in, and I'm pretty much agreeable with that, so now I'm happy.

Yes, I'm lazy but so what? We deserve a break on our nation's birthday don't we? 40 years of independence wasn't easy yeah? We went through a lot, SARS, terrorists attacks... yeah?

On another note, I hope this year there will be no walkover for Presidency selection. I'm old enough to vote! And I want to vote!! I need more public holidays!!

Ok, gotta go slack somemore, and probably do my project.

Happy National Day!!!

Today is Monday, no?

Today is the first day of my unemployed status... but funnily, I feel nothing. Perhaps it was because my weekend was burnt out by a workshop I attended. From a freaking early 9am to 11pm!! A full 14 hours per day for Saturday & Sunday!! I brought it upon myself really. Sigh. Glad it is over now though.

The workshop was pretty interesting, the first day very emotionally draining. All of us ladies were forced to revisit our pasts, and a lot of us cried during the workshop. It was also during the workshop that I realised I have actually moved on when I thought I haven't. Funny huh? Usually it's the other way, but well... We were encouraged to share our stories and thoughts with the class, and I was silently taken aback upon listening to their stories. Almost all of them cried while sharing, and I shocked myself by being able to tell my story without tears. That showed me that I've actually moved on. And well, I feel great!

But it took a lot of courage for someone to tell his/her story to people he/she hardly knows. I admire all the ladies who had the courage to speak out, to share. It took a while for me to start sharing, was pretty quiet during the first day, but slowly, I managed to open up to everyone. It was good. And by listening to someone else, I felt like I knew that person almost all her life.

And today, blur Gigi thought I was supposed to meet her when I told her many times I would pop by TP on Wednesday instead. Made me confused about the dates lah that woman. For a moment I thought today was Wednesday. SheesH!

I'm now being forced invited to go drinking with the guys at Holland V. Tired lah tired. Makeup off and I'm ready for bed already. *yawn* Ah nia old lah, cannot stay up too late lah, will get wrinkles one you know? I must stay pretty so that when I 40 years old got boy in 20s come chuut chuut me and ask for my lambur lah.

I'm a student!

The boss sorta apologised for her behaviour yesterday. But I understand why she reacted that way. And I don't blame her though.

I am now a statistic in the unemployed category. Freelance work doesn't really put you in the employed sector. So hi, I'm a full time student taking a part-time course!

Damn it. Charcoal just farted in his sleep. Pungent. Help. *fans wildly*

Just borrowed a few books from the library. Figured I would have more time to read up and catch up on my studies, so better do them now before my interest wanes and laziness takes over.

I feel young, and smart. Very long never got hit on by men on the streets. Very long never got guys coming up and saying "Eh miss ah, wanna make flen?" During lunch, this young boy (yes. boy) came up to me and started to chat. I don't usually talk to strangers, but that guy was cute, until I started to be suspicious about his age.

Guy: yada yada yada...
Me: By the way, how old are you?

Guy: oh, I'm 19, going on 20 in 2 months.
Me: (!!!!!!!!!) oh! er... Guess how old I am?

Guy: erm, 20?
Me: (stares in horror) I am 23 lah. You're as old as my younger brother leh!

Guy: (looks horrified) OooooH. You look young though.
Me: (beams beams beams) Thanks bro. See ya around! (runs away)

I am super young. I'm not paedophilic ok. And coupla days back, this lawyer came up and asked for my namecard. He can chat up my boss from Monday onwards cos I won't be around.

Okie, gonna be busy for the weekend.

Foresee more blogging coming up real soon.

Gonna be so free mah. So blog lor.

Freed finally...

In another 20 hours' time, I would have shifted from the "Employed" sector to the "Unemployed" sector. Hell, I can even be a full-time student studying a part-time course!

Right now as I am typing this, Charcoal is trying to get me to play with him, by using his favourite toy and hitting my foot with it. Perhaps he knows too that I'm going to be less occupied and more at home to be with him.

Yeap, and tomorrow marks the start of my diligent job hunt. And i can take a short break in between, just hoping that this break won't be too long.

Perhaps do a bit of exploring, a bit of studying, a huge bit of reading, playing piano.... Ah... such is life.

Yes yes, I'm so looking forward to that agenda.

Been doing a bit of blog-reading, and... Callandor/Logain/Aloysius can actually cook! Australia has done him a whole lot of good. At least he's more useful now. Aloy: Just stay in Australia and open your own eatery. Might earn you more than what you'll get after you graduate.

HG told me that he's chosen to let go. No one knows whether you'll be happy in the future, but by making a decision, you'll be able to move on with life. In a way, I guess it would be a relief to him... perhaps he's seeking for a closure now.

Ok, I guess I gotta go. Charcoal has fallen asleep while waiting for me to play with him.

If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true.. My memory of love will be of you...

The Resignation

I've tendered my resignation, spoke to the boss just now.

She wasn't taking it very well, and I could understand why. I chose to leave her at a time when we have new clients on hand, all for my own selfish reasons. A small part of me wants to stay, whereas a larger part of me is telling me to go.

It's never easy to want out of something. I've never left a job (although only 2) feeling happy with the decision. There are feelings and emotions attached... I thought very long, even right up till the last minute, if I should carry on with my decision.

Even till now, I still don't know whether this decision is right. It seems right to me, to leave in search of something I have passion for. Yet, to leave the boss in a lurch seems too wrong.

Perhaps she sees no need in maintaining a good relationship with me now that I'm leaving, she started to throw tantrums at me, commanding me to do a lot of things with a sacarstic tone in her voice.

I guess I asked for it.

I'm not feeling too good about this resignation either. No one was truly supportive I guess, and I can understand why. But perhaps they didn't see the fear that I have, the fear of not being able to secure another job, the fear of not being able to spend and splurge like before, the fear of having to save till the last penny, the fear of having to borrow money from parents or (gasp!) live off them, the fear of regretting this decision: so many uncertainties, so much fear! Yet I want to take this risk to find a job I truly yearn for.

I just need some support, some assurance. Especially from people I love. Maybe it's too much to ask for.

to leave or not to leave...

I never realised National Geographic has so many interesting games to play. Was playing the face generator just now. Go on to NGC Face Game and generate a face. Oh, you can find my bored "made-up" face under the name Jennifer Chen. Gigi made a face under the name Sam Wang. She's a little wired wrongly in the mind.

The boss had just left for a meeting, and here I am, all alone again.

Honestly speaking, I'm growing into the job. Within one month, I have gotten the grasp of everything, and am handling a few clients on my own now, liaising with the relevant media without having to go through her. Such delegation, authority, makes me feel accomplished in a sense.

But yet, I still feel compelled to leave. In a time where there are a lot of people looking for job opportunities, I choose to leave. I miss the hospitality industry... where the people are warm, loving; where you are part of a family. I guess this happens in most organisations, but here, I feel suffocated, not by work, but by the loneliness.

Oh well. Should have brought my little Charcoal here to accompany me.

So I guess, I chose the easy way out - to leave. One month here was fulfilling work-wise, but did nothing much to myself.

Yeah, pretty useless person I am, you may think. And I can't refute that. I feel the same way at times. PR is my life, I like PR, but.... a case of right industry, wrong place? Yes, perhaps I'm finding excuses to make myself feel better.

The letter has been typed, and is now sealed in the envelope. Waiting to speak to the boss when she comes back.

It's also a good time for me to take a short break, to recharge. To do the things I've always wanted to do and yet had no time to.

Daily rantings of the bored one.

I think it's quite an accomplishment... that I finished my tutorial today. I've never, since I started uni, completed my tutorials on time. This week is a first, and strangely, I feel great. Maybe I should reward myself by slacking for 1 month. I should probably work harder.

Have been planning what to do after I leave this current job... happened to read what Mr Miyagi wrote about working with Special Needs children, and now that I have more time on my hands, all the more I should do more to help. Was involved in volunteering work for a while, and ever since I started part-time studies, and juggling a few jobs on hand, my activities with the organisations ceased. I always get a sense of fulfilment whenever I make someone's day.. by chatting to the old folks at the homes, by helping the less privileged... the little things you do mean a lot to others. Should do more of charity work.

I'm writing myself to sleep. Boring night. Adious!

Love is the essence of life...

I used to believe in love.

I loved the feeling of being on the emotional roller coaster, where love could send you to the highest point of ecstacy, and then bring you to the depths of the dungeons; where love could dictate what kind of day you should have; where love could be the only thing you wake up to, and fall asleep with; where love is the only thing you breathed. Love, was my religion.

That was me.

And, sadly now I'm no longer a believer of love.

Until yesterday.

I was online, trying to rush an assignment which mysteriously disappeared (till now I still don't know where it went to), and a guy pal whom I was close to in poly (HG) confided in me about his relationship. My heart went out to him, cos he's a really nice fella, but sad that things between him and his lady didn't turn out well. We spoke over MSN, and I could see that he was getting more upset by the minute. He asked if I could give comments about something he did for her, and then he showed me what he made for her over his webcam.

HG wrote very touching words on large posters, and did a "powerpoint slide show". Simple, simple words, yet when put together, brings on a huge meaning. At that moment, I wished with all my heart that his lady would have a change of heart and work things out with him. I was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions, and tears welled up.

The 'presentation' ended, and I saw the look in HG's eyes. It was a look of resignation, somehow worn out by the love. But I never gave up believing in love, he said. Love is all that I have. And you should believe again, sister. You used to be full of love. That was what made you, you.

Perhaps so. And last night I wanted to believe in love all over again. Almost. For that brief moment.

But love is not everything, brother. Love changes everything, but it's not everything.